@asphyxiav2 now, the usual:
5: "sama" got broken up
9: "uniform (has) just arrived"
"Most eldest sons... would attend
it, but..." no need to repeat "school", unless it specifically means that they would "attend ANY school" and not "THE school" mentioned before
10: unless father specifically uses term "domagaku" I feel it's better to name it properly as "magic school" or whatever it is. Seems weird to me.
11: You use one way of spelling countries and territories in speech in the chapter as a whole, but on this map it's written in another. Please choose one.
15: "This is an order of the patriarch/lord. | No objections(allowed)."
16: (On a sidenote, maybe it would have been better to use "attendant" when referring to the Ilvareno? well, it's late now anyway)
17: (suggestion, not necessary, just think sounds better)
"Make this a place where she [is free from that/can be herself]"
18: Need to rephrase Di's question, since Cain's answer on 19 sounds weird in context. Something like
"But would you stay | if Di asked you to?"
22 no need to repeat "the reason"
"Respond with (either rest, but in quotation marks or "...how you are...")
23 "But when Di says "That's it..."
I don't get it. Do you? Can you explain?
"Come back properly" sounds weird.
25 "everything"
"My dream is to become an official of the ministry of justice"
26 "you only smiled"
27 "if you ever return for the holidays"
33 I assume he meant "few things he
can't do alone"
that's all