In this world, is he seen as a guy that has no self respect? Like, when he calls himself a 'bitch', will she interpret that as him being someone who needs saving? Obviously he does not see it that way, but in this reversed world it seems like that would be the impression of a guy who sleeps around.
I prefer the version with the internal dialogue. It really is not that much and it adds a lot to her character in a simple way. Like, wanting to grab coffee to seem more normal. It fleshes her out in a way I find meaningful.
Also, please keep working on this! I love it so much. From the...