In my opinion, she doesn't really love him. First, she used him as a crutch to fulfill everything was lacking in her life and became dependent, he was like a drug that she became addicted to. Then, she got rid of him to fulfill her desire to punish herself. All of the time, she just used him and...
I'm supposed to feel sorry for Ayami? 'Cause I really don't. Are all those flashbacks supposed to create some simpathy for her character? If so, it's really backfiring.