Power Uploader
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2018
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I would even go one step further here.
She's not trauma-bonding in the typical sense, this is an addiction, in the literal chemical sense.
Kuroko is explicitly unable to form any bonds because, in all her childhood, she never learned what love was. We are explicitly told as much this chapter.
This is why the author has put so much emphasis on the chemical reactions in her brain, because that's literally it.
What she discovered amidst all her abuse, was one situation in particular (near-death followed by immediate relief) that produced certain chemicals in her brain that lead to the sensation of happiness. Not actual happiness. Of course, we can argue what is happiness if not brain chemicals, but what I'm trying to get at is that her happiness is entirely devoid of any social aspect, it's 100% brain chemistry-related. Body feels certain physical sensation > releases happy chemical.
What she is seeking are happy chemicals. Not love, not a connection. She doesn't know what those are and thus can't seek them. She created this cognitive distortion of what love is (putting herself in harms way) due to messed up brain chemistry (if I feel happy with this situation then it must be love).
This also explains why she has gotten worse and worse, as her tolerance to dopamine rises with increasing risks and the happy chemicals stop being as effective.
This is why I wrote in my comment that this is quite literally her body consuming her. Her body is physically craving these sensations for nothing more than to satisfy the chemical reward mechanisms it created through years of abuse. But at the same time is destroying her from within because it's putting her life at risk more and more, and she is unable to stop it because it's entirely irrational yet ever-present nonetheless.
I really think this is a very interesting approach to hyper sexuality in abuse victims that is not often explored in such isolation. Usually such situations have a big social aspect to them. Victims seeking self-worth, validation, comfort or victims stuck in a loop as coping mechanism to escape the reality of their trauma, among other social elements. Basically people that used to have some semblance of a life and then were thrown into abusive relationships. But Kuroko's case is one almost entirely devoid of that, and I genuinely wasn't expecting the author to explore it to such depressing depths. Like her situation is extremely messed up even in the realm of sexual abuse.
Obviously the creation of the reward loop she has is in itself a coping mechanism, but what I mean is that it's an entirely chemical one, not the result of some flawed rationalization. She wants her body to feel pain to release chemicals, nothing else. We are literally told she is rational and knows all her decisions are wrong, that she hates violence, etc.
The more you dwell on her situation, the more painful and depressing it gets.
If you'd told me at the start that the crazy period pad sniffing manga would have interesting takes on sexual abuse I would have laughed at you, but here we are. I'm glad I stuck with translating this manga, despite most of the comment section making me want to quit.
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