Youkya ni Natta Ore no Seishun Shijou Shugi - Vol. 1 Ch. 1.1
- Thread starter MangaDex
- Start date
Group Leader
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2024
- Messages
- 387
Please Stop the MTL.
Or at the very least proofread the thing before you post it.
Or at the very least proofread the thing before you post it.
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2023
- Messages
- 641
Thanks for the translation! Could use some improvements. Sorry for the long list, only give it as much attention as you want.
-On pg. 1, the em dash --- is too long, making the text leave the bubble. you also chose to break the phrase in an odd spot, i would include the word popular in the first part of the bubble
-Pg. 6 is mostly nonsensical: what did Ueda-kun figure out?
-On pg 9, Japanese has different sentence structure norms than English. No need to add "--me" at the end in English, it's just confusing.
-on pg. 11 (and throughout) keep text within the bubbles, centered if possible.
-the translation on pg. 11 could be clearer (currently it has several sentence fragments). is this the meaning?: "I've experienced this atmosphere several times during my middle school days, when I was opposite of what I am now, in other words, an extrovert." The commas (not periods) are important.
-on pg 12, you've broken the first sentence up oddly. you should put everything before the semi-colon in the same sub-bubble. this issue is seen elsewhere as well
-on page 13, the first sentence should be "Yet what I secretly longed for was love." do not repeat "it was"
-on pg. 14, there's a typo - should be "Netoko." also, the translation of the smell metaphor could use improvement. I thought it was literal at first.
-we are in a flashback. on page 14 and 15, make sure the tense is consistent. "smells" should (probably) be "smelled" and "two changes have occured in me" should be "two changes had occured in me." As it is, it makes it unclear if we have come out of the flashback. Same for the "is"
-on page 15, it should be "... another was my resolution to..." or "...in addition, I resolved to..."
-on page 19, the beginning dialogue is weird. is he meant to stumble over his words?
-also on page 19, there are 4 names. this is meant to be the introduction scene but it's not clear who's who (also, tsurezure is a phrase, I'm not sure it's meant to be a name but you've presented it like one). if the last bubble is meant to refer to the guy friend, the one in that panel, the pronoun is wrong.
-page 20 is unclear... every school has lunch break. is the discussion whether they will be meeting up for lunch? i'm also wondering if there was meant to be a pun to go with the "woof"
-the sequence inserted on page 25 is a weird choice on the part of the author, but you could make it clearer. it's not "suddenly, something is happening," it's "i'm going to suddenly talk about something else." I've seen this navigated in other translations where the narration is the internal monologue of the MC with "This may seem sudden, but I met three gods as I was becoming a social person." This sentence sets up the following sequence.
-during this sequence, which is the second flashback of the chapter, the narration should be in past tense (dialogue should be in present tense, unless the speaker is referring to a yet again past event)
-on page 26, what are these guys definitely? if the answer is loved by a kind owner, then the sentence across those bubbles should be "These guys were definitely loved by a kind owner"
-on page 30, if you want to keep the cadence the same as in Japanese, you could have the dialogue be "Salmon jerky. You had some in your hair." In English, it would be more natural to say "You had some salmon jerky in your hair." Since he is holding it, it is not currently attached.
-the text you chose to translate on the ending title page seems somewhat arbitrary?
-On pg. 1, the em dash --- is too long, making the text leave the bubble. you also chose to break the phrase in an odd spot, i would include the word popular in the first part of the bubble
-Pg. 6 is mostly nonsensical: what did Ueda-kun figure out?
-On pg 9, Japanese has different sentence structure norms than English. No need to add "--me" at the end in English, it's just confusing.
-on pg. 11 (and throughout) keep text within the bubbles, centered if possible.
-the translation on pg. 11 could be clearer (currently it has several sentence fragments). is this the meaning?: "I've experienced this atmosphere several times during my middle school days, when I was opposite of what I am now, in other words, an extrovert." The commas (not periods) are important.
-on pg 12, you've broken the first sentence up oddly. you should put everything before the semi-colon in the same sub-bubble. this issue is seen elsewhere as well
-on page 13, the first sentence should be "Yet what I secretly longed for was love." do not repeat "it was"
-on pg. 14, there's a typo - should be "Netoko." also, the translation of the smell metaphor could use improvement. I thought it was literal at first.
-we are in a flashback. on page 14 and 15, make sure the tense is consistent. "smells" should (probably) be "smelled" and "two changes have occured in me" should be "two changes had occured in me." As it is, it makes it unclear if we have come out of the flashback. Same for the "is"
-on page 15, it should be "... another was my resolution to..." or "...in addition, I resolved to..."
-on page 19, the beginning dialogue is weird. is he meant to stumble over his words?
-also on page 19, there are 4 names. this is meant to be the introduction scene but it's not clear who's who (also, tsurezure is a phrase, I'm not sure it's meant to be a name but you've presented it like one). if the last bubble is meant to refer to the guy friend, the one in that panel, the pronoun is wrong.
-page 20 is unclear... every school has lunch break. is the discussion whether they will be meeting up for lunch? i'm also wondering if there was meant to be a pun to go with the "woof"
-the sequence inserted on page 25 is a weird choice on the part of the author, but you could make it clearer. it's not "suddenly, something is happening," it's "i'm going to suddenly talk about something else." I've seen this navigated in other translations where the narration is the internal monologue of the MC with "This may seem sudden, but I met three gods as I was becoming a social person." This sentence sets up the following sequence.
-during this sequence, which is the second flashback of the chapter, the narration should be in past tense (dialogue should be in present tense, unless the speaker is referring to a yet again past event)
-on page 26, what are these guys definitely? if the answer is loved by a kind owner, then the sentence across those bubbles should be "These guys were definitely loved by a kind owner"
-on page 30, if you want to keep the cadence the same as in Japanese, you could have the dialogue be "Salmon jerky. You had some in your hair." In English, it would be more natural to say "You had some salmon jerky in your hair." Since he is holding it, it is not currently attached.
-the text you chose to translate on the ending title page seems somewhat arbitrary?
Last edited:
