Back in my day we just called it 'jerking off' or 'rubbing one out.' Or 'choking the chicken.' Or 'beating your meat.'
Or 'a confession session with the one-eyed bishop,' or 'inducing a state of philosophical clarity via manual stimulation of the glans,' if you weren't into the whole brevity thing.
Wait, is that what we're talking about here, or is this something else? Have I just made this awkward?