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that feeling of coming to grips with the fact that you are withering because you aren’t providing your body with the sustenance and care it needs is both suffocating and illuminating. acknowledgment is the first step to progress. it’s easy to acknowledge, however, and hard to effectuate change. i feel it is going to be something i struggle with for the rest of my life. one of the most valuable things i do is focus on the parts of my life that are most damaging to my disposition and work towards changing them.

i found that most of my behavioral eating habits come from my life affecting my mind, not the other way around. sorry to hit you with something real out of the blue, i just wanted to share my understandings with you after reading your about.

yeah i mihght remove it from my bio

because i feel very awkward now
the main reason i eat only one meal a day is
1. i cant muster the motivation to eat a whole meal [im impatient, it takes too long [?]]
2. i have no freinds to eat with at lunch and it feels extremely awkward to do alone
3.eating too much of the same food gets bland
4. some other things idk

its not that im struggling with body image [for the most part anyway] its just the issues stated above

it’s the same with me. it’s not a body image deal. for me, it’s a mix between coping mechanism and self-punishment, as foolish as that sounds. after enough time it became very hard to combat, as natural to me as breathing. it’s not something that brings me shame now, it did when i was younger. as far as the motivation goes, have you been checked for major depressive? i don’t recommend medicating for it, but introspecting and taking care of your mind and mood are very important things to do. love your mind and it will love you.

i have not been checked for any form of depression no
[also holy cow i can relate to the self punishment thing]
also i have physically no understanding of how good mental health works so uh
uh
help what on earth do i do.

it’s real shiji. i’m glad i got to talk with you about it. and on point three, i was a picky eater when i was younger too, it just turned out that all the lunches i got from my mom and from school combined with my mood stole my appetite from me. in that, i mean it wasn’t food i liked. i just didn’t advocate for myself and say that outright. eating disorders aren’t solely due to body image. they can be coping mechanisms for unhealthy minds. just some stuff for you to think about. i wish i could’ve share this advice with a younger me. he’d’ve been better off.

try shutting off your screens and going for a walk. nothing too strenuous, just a stroll around the block even. and just think about your life. your day to day, how school went yesterday. how stuff is at home. and draw lines towards what happens and how it makes you feel. the key to chipping away at my harmful habits is always to identify the factors that are causing them. another important thing i learned way to late was to acknowledge that i deserve to love myself. i always had thoughts swimming around my head that were self degrading and i realized i was always putting myself down.

funnily enough, it was a form of self protection. my warped mind shut everyone out and in order to keep my heart and mind safe from being hurt by others, i preemptively hurt myself. you can try finding a therapist, but it took until the age of 22 give or take to find a therapist who i felt i could actually open up to. until then, it was just me answering the same list of questions and staring at the floor waiting for the session to be over. the most transformative changes i’ve made have been due to me coming to these realizations of my own accord.

it’s been a long and painful journey, but it’s made me a better man. it would’ve helped to have advice from someone who had been in my shoes when i was younger though. you can never start to change too late, but it’s always better to work towards changing your mind earlier. it will save you a lot of strife. i’m sorry for the million posts. the dex caps me at 600 chars. i hope my lived experience can provide you some clarity.

and i hope you take that walk. being present and allowing your mind to reminisce and roam is kindling to transformative change of the mind.

i cant really go on a walk right now, its too dark and the grandparents will be too much of a pain to explain i just need to wonder, a problem with just having my thoughts to myself is i feel bad , doing things distracts me, so i prefer having something to do [that isnt homework]
also with therapists; i kinda really dont like opening or talking to people especially those i dont know, about my problems. i think ive only actually told a singular person about one reason why i do it [the punishing reason but uh] i really dont want to open up to anyone.

yofukashi no uta and abnormal-kei joshi inspired me to sneak out and go on night walks. the city is a vastly different place at night. it’s so quiet and serene compared to the hustle and bustle of the day. i won’t foist it on you, though. during the day is a good time to go on a stroll as well, you can people watch. i find that fun.

if you are always distacting yourself from your pain, you can never confront it. just something to think about. i still fall into that habit as well, though. it’s too convenient.

i gotta get to my side job. i hope you have a good rest of your day (evening?) {night??}. much love broette.

i dont live in a city, and my neighbourhood is kinda dangerous anyway so hhhhahh

you can people watch. i find that fun.

Click to expand...

stalking behaiviour lolololol
sorry just heheheh

also you can call me bro idk broette sounds weird ww.

that’s a tough pickle then.. i recommend carrying a weapon and training yourself in its use. you aren’t of age to get a firearm so pepper spray or a knife would serve you well. if you can think of any other ways to escape distraction and get alone with your thoughts, don’t hesitate to do it. it is worth what you can glean from it.

gotchu bro. i’ll check back in on ya. peace out.

well that sounds illegal for England uh-
even knives [suprisingly out of character for here :0]

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