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but most of all

i hate that i can't blame anyone but myself.


im a fool.

i do stupid stupid things.

i can't understand the reasons behind some of my actions besides impulse.

i can't even do the very little i do correctly.

i feel so purposeless when im not at work now

no friends, no future aspirations, and yet a tinge of self superiority.


maybe im a narcissist.

maybe im just an asshole.

even if i knew for sure i don't think i would have many more friends.

any tips to get over this feeling?

I learned that I shouldn't listen to these kind of thoughts when I'm in a dark place, because they don't come from me, but from an asshole.

I also felt really lonely, so I started playing MTG and as long as I could avoid the sweaty try hards, the people at friday night magic or at a playgroup on sundays were really nice and funny.

you can try to reassure yourself to ignore these things, but it is hard to ignore these things which plague my entire life and existence. i am alone. 99% of my social interactions are online. anything else is at my job and only for the purpose of getting money.

You don't have to ignore the issue at hand, but the brooding thoughts that accompany it are the killer. I also had these problems, when for weeks I didn't see any people at all.

Y'all just suddenly change the atmosphere and I'm right here reading all your thoughts and shedding a lot of tears. I'm sorry for my soft side. But, please don't blame yourself about anything you've thought. You're doing fine. If you could only have friendship online, so what? We could form a real connection with people from everywhere, just stay true and try to understand others, that's all. It's actually a lot nicer to have one real friend and they could accept you for who you are.

I would prefer to not seek solace through the internet but I think I'm at the end of my rope in terms of social interaction and I'm taking what I can get.

Oh, 1 more thing I've learned from my therapist, not every thoughts we thought were actually true. Some of it might be created by our mind when our bodies were actually too tired, so please try to not over think anything too much. Try to do something else or sleep.

i miss when i had friends, even if they were shallow

I'm too soft for this topic, I'm literally crying for the thought you're that lonely.. Damn bro. Do something else please. Oh I know, would you mind if I ask you to draw my fox girl? I know you like to draw. So please draw her in your own art style. Pretty please?

When you restart classes, get involved in something on campus and start building a network of people with common interests in meatspace. Could be a club, could be just hanging out watching a sports team sports or going to concerts/art shows/plays by student groups, but take advantage of the opportunity to find a tribe to hang out with.