A Song of Singing - Ch. 5 - What's Not Known

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once again wtf. Had to reread this twice to fully understand what's going on.

Quick summary for anyone who may need:
1. Senpai is apparently also a witch, but she didn't know this. Senpai accidentally read MC's mind, which MC found out, so MC introduced Senpai to her uncle. Senpai is fucking talented in both acting and magic, so MC feels even more uncomfortable/jealous of Senpai, and MC also knows that Senpai likes her now so MC is just awkward around Senpai.

2. MC's mom doesn't want to teach her more advanced magic because apparently, you can just do magic if you try hard enough, and by teaching you to do it a certain way you will be limiting your creativity into thinking you can't do it any other ways.
That's why the mom acted cold to MC back then, to make MC scared of her so MC doesn't read her mind and know about it, because the mom fears that MC will make some irreversible mistakes if MC knows she can do advanced magic anytime she wants.
Imo that's shitty parenting and stupid as fuck. If the mom just talked about it & taught MC's to be responsible, maybe MC wouldn't have fucked up by casting a spell to force the short-haired girl to fall in love with her.

3. MC feels guilty for essentially brainwashing a girl into loving her, but she can't undo the spell just yet. It seems MC plan on doing the Little Mermaid play first, then quit theater/acting before finally undoing the spell.
However, Senpai doesn't like that plan because MC will be hurt by it, so she's here having a chat with the short-haired girl. I have no idea, what does she plan to do next.
 
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anw the story is pretty interesting, it's just the way it's written is so fucking weird.

First, the POV of the story is first person view, as we the readers get to understand what's going on in MC's mind. However, we also constantly, CONSTANTLY get to read other characters' thoughts, like in a third person story, which creates a weird contrast.

Second, there's this weird switching between characters' POV without any notice whatsoever. Usually in stories, we have some small cues that hey, the story is switching to another character's view now, or in some manga, we get a whole chapter dedicated to other character's view. But this one just immediately jumps between characters in the same chapter, it's just jarring to read.

And lastly, idk if this is a translation issue or if the story was written this way, but the dialogue/writing just feels very disconnected.

like here, in the first page of this chapter: "I'm not looking down on anyone but I really think I'll get the role even if the small chance I won't is making me anxious".
excuse me but WTF, who is editing this and thinks to themselves that that sounds alright at all? Sure I get what it wants to say but it just sounds so fucking weird???

EDIT: so I searched for the raw, and did a quick translation using DeepL and yeah ok, I think the translation plays a big part in the problem here.

Here's what DeepL translated: "I don't look down on anyone else. But I had a feeling that I could definitely handle this role. However, the thought of the worst-case scenario still frightens me."

and if you edit it a bit: "I'm not looking down on anyone here, but I feel like I will get the role. However, the thought of failing still frightens me."

another weird sentence is: "To have it be because Maika-senpai is in love with me is just..." - page 5
DeepL translation: "I can't believe it was because Maika-senpai liked me."

I'm not saying the translation is wrong, it's just the way it's worded makes the entire reading experience feels very clunky/weird.
 
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once again wtf. Had to reread this twice to fully understand what's going on.

Quick summary for anyone who may need:
1. Senpai is apparently also a witch, but she didn't know this. Senpai accidentally read MC's mind, which MC found out, so MC introduced Senpai to her uncle. Senpai is fucking talented in both acting and magic, so MC feels even more uncomfortable/jealous of Senpai, and MC also knows that Senpai likes her now so MC is just awkward around Senpai.

2. MC's mom doesn't want to teach her more advanced magic because apparently, you can just do magic if you try hard enough, and by teaching you to do it a certain way you will be limiting your creativity into thinking you can't do it any other ways.
That's why the mom acted cold to MC back then, to make MC scared of her so MC doesn't read her mind and know about it, because the mom fears that MC will make some irreversible mistakes if MC knows she can do advanced magic anytime she wants.
Imo that's shitty parenting and stupid as fuck. If the mom just talked about it & taught MC's to be responsible, maybe MC wouldn't have fucked up by casting a spell to force the short-haired girl to fall in love with her.

3. MC feels guilty for essentially brainwashing a girl into loving her, but she can't undo the spell just yet. It seems MC plan on doing the Little Mermaid play first, then quit theater/acting before finally undoing the spell.
However, Senpai doesn't like that plan because MC will be hurt by it, so she's here having a chat with the short-haired girl. I have no idea, what does she plan to do next.
Ahhhh thank you I was suddenly feeling quite lost this chapter
 
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The mother is an asshole. You now say you are sorry? Becouse ok, let's suspend the judgment and assume it's true that teaching advanced "chants" made by others can block the practitioners from fully using their powers. (And honestly I have doubt this is actually true with a good teacher). She not only choose the most painful and damaging way for her daughter psyche, she acted cold to her just to prevent this info to be leaked, creating a huge inferiority complex that caused her to do a blunder, and only now when the complex become self susteining and spiraling down, you tell her? Too little, too late, and she isn't showing an ounch of regret.This assuming she is being honest and I have doubt about that, considering she is spilling the bean now and it's not she didn't know how much this refusal without any explaination was affecting her, considering she can read fucking minds.

Also I would like to know what your brainrotten mind thought that was an info that was to be concealed even at that cost. Instead of just saying "I think you are capable, but I don't want to teach you becouse I'm afraid it could stunt your growth, but you can reach that alone" or even "I would like you to live with less magic possible"(and why would she said so now when the family her included used magic quite a lot apparently?)

This is above bad parenting, this is bordering parental psycological violence. Even if she had good intentions. As they say "Good intentions pave the road to hell"
The mother deserve a slap, it would be karma if the mother get affected by her daughter mistake, considering it all started by her neglect.

I also hope that Makia would discuss Maki state of mind with the uncle and that he slap some sense into the mother.
 
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Here's what DeepL translated: "I don't look down on anyone else. But I had a feeling that I could definitely handle this role. However, the thought of the worst-case scenario still frightens me."

and if you edit it a bit: "I'm not looking down on anyone here, but I feel like I will get the role. However, the thought of failing still frightens me."

another weird sentence is: "To have it be because Maika-senpai is in love with me is just..." - page 5
DeepL translation: "I can't believe it was because Maika-senpai liked me."

I'm not saying the translation is wrong, it's just the way it's worded makes the entire reading experience feels very clunky/weird.
For a fair comparison, it’s “I'm not looking down on anyone, but I really think I'll get the role – even if the small chance I won't is making me anxious”. The TL I was given was “I’m not looking down on anyone. But I totally feel like I’ll get the role. But even so, the off chance that I won’t is making me anxious.”, and I edited this into the version in the manga. Duplicating “but”, even using a synonym like “however”, is definitely more awkward than what I used, flowing less well. Sometimes simple English just isn’t enough to express a concept. Same for the other one: this one I didn’t edit from boke’s TL, but I do prefer it to what DeepL produced 🤷‍♀. The only authority I can wave is me beïng EFL and Nobody not flagging it, must count for something :)

That said, constructive criticism is always welcome; please do hop over either to the #scanlation channel on the Dynasty Scans discord, or the thread on Yuri Project (https://safe.yuri-project.net/res/26675.html), or just DM me on discord I suppose, my username is ls_valence.
 
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For a fair comparison, it’s “I'm not looking down on anyone, but I really think I'll get the role – even if the small chance I won't is making me anxious”. The TL I was given was “I’m not looking down on anyone. But I totally feel like I’ll get the role. But even so, the off chance that I won’t is making me anxious.”, and I edited this into the version in the manga. Duplicating “but”, even using a synonym like “however”, is definitely more awkward than what I used, flowing less well.
Idk man, sometimes using words more than once can help express things clearly. Personally I find the flow of this sentence "I'm not looking down on anyone but I really think I'll get the role even if the small chance I won't is making me anxious" very weird.
Sometimes simple English just isn’t enough to express a concept. Same for the other one: this one I didn’t edit from boke’s TL, but I do prefer it to what DeepL produced 🤷‍♀. The only authority I can wave is me beïng EFL and Nobody not flagging it, must count for something :)
I was a translator too (from EN to my mother tongue) and one thing I've noticed is that even QR/editor don't always correct or notice the awkward sentences. Many times I and my editor only noticed that "wait that sentence sounds weird as hell" only after we posted the chapter, or some readers point it out for us.

That said, constructive criticism is always welcome; please do hop over either to the #scanlation channel on the Dynasty Scans discord, or the thread on Yuri Project (https://safe.yuri-project.net/res/26675.html), or just DM me on discord I suppose, my username is ls_valence.
I just did a quick check here, I'm not an actual QR so I don't think I will be much help tbh.

anw, it's just my opinion, but I find that reading this story to be a very tiring thing.
My brain actually overheat after reading this chapter, because it kept having to "fix sentences" or interpreting what's going on/who's saying what. Sure it's partly because of the author for just, changing character's POVs constantly, but the translation didn't help.
 
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Idk man, sometimes using words more than once can help express things clearly. Personally I find the flow of this sentence "I'm not looking down on anyone but I really think I'll get the role even if the small chance I won't is making me anxious" very weird.
’couse it’s weird, you removed all punctuation 😉

I mean I’m sorry you find it weird, but I trust my own judgement as a native speaker that most other native speakers wouldn’t find it weird (I asked a couple friends about this, they seemed to agree that the edited MTL version is less natural). Accessibility to those less experiënced with the language is not a goal.
 
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’couse it’s weird, you removed all punctuation 😉
the point of reading manga is that sentences will be cut apart, jump around; it's not a smooth read from one end to another like a book.
Which is why, even if there's punctuations, this sentence: "I'm not looking down on anyone, but I really think I'll get the role, even if the small chance I won't is making me anxious" will still be hard to read because you aren't reading it in a straight line, your eyes are jumping around the page to see the picture, did you take that into account when you're editing?

I mean I’m sorry you find it weird, but I trust my own judgement as a native speaker that most other native speakers wouldn’t find it weird (I asked a couple friends about this, they seemed to agree that the edited MTL version is less natural). Accessibility to those less experiënced with the language is not a goal.
considering that English is a worldwide language, with many readers having English as their second/third language, you're basically saying that anyone who finds the story weird/hard to read "less experienced with the language" right? Do you not see/hear how entitled that sounds?

anw, many comments have said that the story is hard to understand (back from chapter 2 I think), and that surely can't be just the author's fault.
 
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Gotta appreciate this story commitment at not making any sense. That's a talent, right?
 
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did you take that into account when you're editing?
When editing, I take as many things as possible into account. I don’t think it’ll be productive to engage with this point: I read a lot of manga, I speak English, and this is what I think is the most readable option. You’re free to disagree, but I won’t listen to you unless it’s reasonably corroborated by English natives; in this case, I have found that English natives appear to disagree.
considering that English is a worldwide language, with many readers having English as their second/third language, you're basically saying that anyone who finds the story weird/hard to read "less experienced with the language" right? Do you not see/hear how entitled that sounds?
No? It’s just not what I do. Just because a lot of people happen to speak English doesn’t mean that I have a responsibility to cater to them – I mean, that would be absurd. English education is a good job and it’s good some people do it, but I’m neither qualified nor interested in doïng it myself. I just try to make whatever’s most pleasant to read for fluent speakers, because that’s part of the hobby that I find fun.
anw, many comments have said that the story is hard to understand (back from chapter 2 I think), and that surely can't be just the author's fault.
Who knows? Again, if you have specific suggestions for improvements I’m more than happy to discuss them. I try my best to produce the most coherent result.

As a side note, a lot of people are saying this story is confusing. I’ll agree that it is, but you don’t have to flip through the pages. As the editor I think I did end up enjoying it more since it forced me to read it at a slower pace, and use my brain so that the confusing parts made sense.
Anyone have link to raw?
https://www.mediafire.com/file/ccakdzig1nvstau/Utakata_no_uta.zip/file
 

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