No, thematically this is the correct way to present things. It's important to know the real premise of the plot then slowly build up each character into the version of them that CAN save Fiona.Seeing the last 2 chapters and this one, are we even sure that the loop we’re seeing are in the right order ? Maybe this one was before the one from chapter 1-10, or way after… or maybe I’m reading to far. I guess every char that was in the party will get a loop at some point
Exactly!Dad: "Get strong"
Lauro: "I got strong father"
Dad: "Now get weak"
Lauro: "????"
Dad: "Lul"
Thanks for the chapters!
Thank you for taking the time to write these suggestions!Thanks for the chapter!
Typos & edit suggestions: @Yosu26
- p2 I can no longer show it to them. -> I can no longer show it to her.
- p11 I will become stronger... -> I would become stronger...
- p15 to learn about being weak -> to learn what it means to be weak
- p15 I'll try to pursue -> I tried to pursue
- p21 without weakness -> without weaknesses // without any weakness