Asuperu Kanojo - Vol. 2 Ch. 11 - 10 Seconds

[criver]

@gronkle

An abusive relationship has abuse as part of how those in it relate to each other, where it is normalised and blamed on the other.

Citation needed.

The only person she is at risk of stabbing is herself.

That is untrue. The same way she couldn't control herself and slapped him, she can lose control and stab him, provided that an adequate tool is around.

People with life-long mental health issues can and do have healthy, if sometimes stressful, relationships.

Yes, not involving hitting your partner, and in general not involving one of the partners being a babysitter for the other.

A professional isn't always near, and neither always appropriate.

I would say a lot more appropriate and qualified than some person reading random internet articles.

It can become abusive, most often self-abusive due to poor coping strategies, but it's not by necessity.

As I said. Everybody has their "reasons", doesn't mean it's any less abusive.

Codependence is another issue entirely, and can happen between people without real mental health issues.

This is not so much codependence as her extreme dependence on him, and his inability to leave her alone because he empathizes and is scared for her life. Basically one step away from "I'll kill myself so don't leave me". It's disturbing how similar her behaviour is to that of emotionally abusive partners - clearly for different reasons, but the behaviour is extremely similar.

And I don't think the manga does this topic justice by "making things work" TM. In reality a professional is a lot more likely to be more helpful than random bullied person X (who can on the contrary be detrimental).

 

[gronkle]

@criver
On what constitutes an abusive relationship:
From the National Domestic Violence Hotline

What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.

From HelpGuide.org

...domestic abuse includes any attempt by one person in an intimate relationship or marriage to dominate and control the other. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you.

On depression as a risk factor for violence:
Ahonen L. (2019) The Association Between Mental Illness and Violence. In: Violence and Mental Illness. SpringerBriefs in Criminology. Springer, Cham

...depression, is not associated with violence except in the rare cases in which psychosis is presented.

You clearly know far less about mental illness and psychology than you think. I don't think this manga is presenting the complex issues of living with someone with complex needs in a "making things work" way, I think it is making a sincere attempt at showing the reality of it. The reality is that you do have to make things work, at least as best as you can. The alternative is misery. It is also a fact that stable relationships are a major factor in recovery from, and management of, mental illness, for the very reasons this manga is demonstrating. It provides safety, trust, consistency, and empathy.

 

[criver]

@gronkle Let me ask you a question. Her telling him to do something, him not doing it, then getting slapped across the face because of that is not an act of abuse for you, is it?

It almost seems like you intentionally cherry-picked citations while ignoring others.

Your 3rd citation is even less applicable, considering what you are citing, and what actually happened.

Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit.[1] Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes, or other types of aggression.

It's strange when we disagree over basic definitions of what constitutes abuse. Unless you want to argue that her treatment of him was proper, and her injuring him did not happen.

Here you go, some more:

Dating abuse is a pattern of abusive behaviour exhibited by one or both partners in a dating relationship. The behaviour may include, but is not limited to; physical abuse; psychological abuse; and sexual abuse.

It's pretty telling when I have to cite basic definitions in a discussion:

Physical abuse is any intentional act causing injury or trauma to another person or animal by way of bodily contact. In most cases, children are the victims of physical abuse, but adults can also be victims, as in cases of domestic violence or workplace aggression.

What I am expecting next if we are to go down this road of intellectual dishonesty, is you trying to argue that an abusive relationship is not defined by the abuse in the relationship. Or that her telling him to do X, him not doing it, and then getting a slap for that was not an attempt to control his actions. Prove me wrong please.

 

[gronkle]

@criver
Abuse =/= Abusive relationship
An abusive relationship is one characterised by a pattern of abusive behaviours from one or both parties, with the intent to exert control over the other. That's why I took those first two citations, because the key element is not being in a relationship nor abuse, it is a pattern of abusive behaviour used to exert control.

Her slap was an act of physical abuse, but that doesn't make their relationship abusive. In that moment she was trying to control the situation, and immediately expressed regret at the reality of it. She was behaving out of anxiety and autism, feeling a sensation of panic and making decisions with her limbic system. It was not calculated nor out of entitlement, nor malice. She is as much an abuser in that situation as a cornered animal. In fact she is even traumatised by the harm she caused, she doesn't see it as justifiable. None of that is to say she shouldn't take responsibility for her actions, and she should learn better coping methods for her anxiety for the same reasons someone with explosive anger does.

The third citation was in response to you alleging her propensity for self-harm and an act of violence are linked behaviours, when you suggested she might stab someone. Depression is what caused her to self-harm, and depression is not a predictor of violence. She lashed out, out of anxiety. In that panicked state she would not have the wherewithal to obtain a weapon, and neither was she seriously intent on causing harm.

 

[criver]

@gronkle
Merry Christmas!

Abuse =/= Abusive relationship

https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/abusive

Her slap was an act of physical abuse, but that doesn't make their relationship abusive.

By the definition above it does. Even by your definition it is, considering the context. She was terrified that he will leave her for the other woman, and in order to
control him (however ineffective and childish) she slapped him.

It was not calculated nor out of entitlement, nor malice.

It doesn't have to be out of malice, though entitlement there certainly is, if you can hurt another because you subconsciously do not want him to leave you.
She clearly realized what she did wrong after the fact, doesn't mean this erases it. In fact this is how many abusive relationships start out (I do not expect the author to
go into that though). You can try to justify it by saying that she had no control over herself, but this is the exact thing that usually happens in an abusive relationship,
even escalating to one partner killing or crippling the other in a moment of affect. It's clear that they wouldn't do this if their mind was clear, but it doesn't change the results.

In fact she is even traumatised by the harm she caused, she doesn't see it as justifiable.

People may be horrified after having hurt their partner in a moment of affect, doesn't erase the abuse that occurred however.

The third citation was in response to you alleging her propensity for self-harm and an act of violence are linked behaviours, when you suggested she might stab someone.

Then you misunderstood my response. The connection I made was not to her self-harming, it was to her outburst. If she had a knife, she may have killed him in such an outburst. No matter
how much she may regret it later.

 

[Miikaaeeel]

There were only 44 comments so I expected this chapter to be wholesome

 

[Bekantan3104]

This is heart breaking to read

 

[Boomthorkell]

It can be rewarding to help the mentally unstable, but it's also a damn drain on one's existence. I hope it works out for them, as it rarely ever does for anyone else.

 

[Yolo135]

Damn it's just wow

 

[ICYCOZY]

I totaly understand her. She is like:
...bitch don't ogle my man or I will gouge out yours eyes.

 

[devilledgreggs]

i kinda see where she's coming from???? im autistic and when i meet people i usually sort them into a category and decide how 'safe' i initially think they are until i know them better, but its kinda weird how she outright hates her immediately. idk im confused as to whats going on.

 

[crypteccreed]

@devilledgreggs

Jealously intensified maybe

 

[pandascepter]

thats pretty hard for him to handle this, but i know h ecam do this