he is more himself when he is a girl but he is distant when he is a boy. i think isao is right but...not for the reasons id agree with
i dont think he wants to be a boy but wants to return to an idea of normal since he is not used to living as a woman. maybe he was always destined to be a woman, but was born a man and was nurtured to be complacent with the conditioning and expectations that come with being such