Comments based on the first chapter:
- sister is weird. She sounds like she thinks women are baby machines. It may be purposeful but it’s certainly uncomfortable.
- the siblingship is weird. “I’m a ten year old boy after all, I wouldn’t be able to contain myself around a lady” Bro that’s your sister??? You haven’t even hit puberty????
- it’s irises that are the colored part, not pupils. Pupils are the black dot.
Aside from that this is an okay start, I’m interested.