Kirei na Kimi ni Korosaretai. - Ch. 1 - Part 1

[MangaDex]

 

[Guinn]

ever since fujimoto talked about this manga Ive been curious to see why he recommended it and was waiting for someone to finally pick it up, thank you for the translation the story, its pretty wild so far but I'm loving it

 

[athyathyathy]

thank you for the translation!!

 

[LordofAlI]

Thanks for the translation! I was hoping to see it get translated since I saw Fujimoto promote it.

 

[koyochan]

Thank you for releasing this one!! 😍

 

[Voyvoy_]

More horror with queer subtext scanlated!!! Hell yes!!

 

[lovmizore]

thanks for translating!

just one thing, in the panel where you translated as "but i love her", i feel like you should've kept it more neutral and vague. the original text isn't clear about the object of his "love" and i think that vagueness plays an important part in the impact of the scene. it can either be about how he likes the mc (so he killed her) but my best guess is that he likes the act of whatever he was doing to the girl itself (like killing), but it doesn't make much sense for him to like the girl. something like "but i like it" would've probably been a better choice to maintain the vagueness and impact. just some thoughts!

 

[sakuraba]

on the first few pages just before tomoaki wakes up, i'm pretty sure it's translated wrong. the "だって好きだから" is pretty vague. i really don't think it's directed at the girl hajime just beat up. i interpreted it as it aimed at tomoaki OR the act of beating the shit out of the girl, not the girl herself. best way to tl it is to just go with "'cause i like it."

the translation itself...sounds pretty stiff. unnatural. also, the lack of periods at the end of sentences and using double hyphenation. please use periods and put hyphens only at the end of a line and not the beginning

btw, uploading in parts when the jp isn't released as a part isn't allowed on mdex and can lead to your release being deleted. were you trying to chase that clout?

 

[BlazingObsidian]

on the first few pages just before tomoaki wakes up, i'm pretty sure it's translated wrong. the "だって好きだから" is pretty vague. i really don't think it's directed at the girl hajime just beat up. i interpreted it as it aimed at tomoaki OR the act of beating the shit out of the girl, not the girl herself. best way to tl it is to just go with "'cause i like it."

just one thing, in the panel where you translated as "but i love her", i feel like you should've kept it more neutral and vague. the original text isn't clear about the object of his "love" and i think that vagueness plays an important part in the impact of the scene. it can either be about how he likes the mc (so he killed her) but my best guess is that he likes the act of whatever he was doing to the girl itself (like killing), but it doesn't make much sense for him to like the girl. something like "but i like it" would've probably been a better choice to maintain the vagueness and impact. just some thoughts!

Thanks for the insight, and I'll be honest, my interpretation of the scene might have been a bit off. I'll correct it.

the translation itself...sounds pretty stiff. unnatural. also, the lack of periods at the end of sentences and using double hyphenation. please use periods and put hyphens only at the end of a line and not the beginning

I just don't use periods at the end of speech bubbles. I do use appropriate punctuation at all other times. As for hyphenation, the double hyphenating is standard typesetting practice where I live, so that's why I do that. I apologise if it's not something some people are used to.

As for the translation, I'd appreciate it if you could give me specific parts that you find stiff / unnatural, and I could get them fixed. I don't have any real proofreaders so I often don't notice things like that.

btw, uploading in parts when the jp isn't released as a part isn't allowed on mdex and can lead to your release being deleted. were you trying to chase that clout?

I just wanted to get some stuff out regarding this asap, mainly because I had friends who REALLY wanted to read this. I could just take this upload down and upload the entirety of chap 1 when I'm done with it (by tomorrow)

 

[sakuraba]

I just don't use periods at the end of speech bubbles.

i have yet to see a language that uses the latin alphabet NOT use periods at the end of sentences in comics... also it makes it feel inconsistent

As for the translation, I'd appreciate it if you could give me specific parts that you find stiff / unnatural, and I could get them fixed. I don't have any real proofreaders so I often don't notice things like that.

it's pretty hard to point out what sounds stiff since there's A Lot. it's also hard for me to explain why it's stiff because this comes to me instinctively as english is my primary language + i live in an english-speaking country. your best bet is to consume content whose source language is english, be it novels or news articles. or you can read officially translated works and see how they word things there. for some lines that sound stiff to me...

• "on that night, i would come to realize my true desires"
• "...but this is what i like"
  • could be better worded as "...but i like doing this"
• "this really is no good... i cannot stop"
  • contractions are much more common in spoken/informal speech
• "it's been quite the while, has it not?"
  • this sounds way too formal esp compared to the jp. "the" shouldn't be there too. would be better worded as "it's been a while, huh?"
• "tomo-kun isn't a student, is he...?"
  • a common mistake i see a lot of scanlators make is that keep the names the jp uses when it'd be more natural to replace it with a second-person pronoun in english. yeah, you don't use second-person pronouns much in jp but it's critical in english. hajime's speaking directly to tomoaki here, so it wouldn't sound right if he repeated his name again since we already know the subject of the sentence. turn it into "you're not a student"
• "i am the university counselor. is hajime-chan an undergrad student?"
  • same points as mentioned above. i'd make this into "i'm a counselor. are you an undergrad?"

and that's some of it. unfortunately, i'm busy with my own projects and school so i can't fully proofread it

I could just take this upload down and upload the entirety of chap 1 when I'm done with it

alternatively, you can just replace this whole upload but that's up to you!

 

[pink_rabbit]

Thank you so much for the translation! I'm excited to read more thriller with BL subtext!

 

[loresx]

More horror with queer subtext scanlated!!! Hell yes!!

i wanted it to have a BL/queer subtext tag too , but the author confirmed this in his tweet and i was sad, but that's ok, i'll read the story anyway! https://x.com/ROKA_KOUEN/status/1894675921313128582

https://imgur.com/a/VSPuMgU

 

[pink_rabbit]

i wanted it to have a BL/queer subtext tag too , but the author confirmed this in his tweet and i was sad, but that's ok, i'll read the story anyway! https://x.com/ROKA_KOUEN/status/1894675921313128582

https://imgur.com/a/VSPuMgU

It can have BL subtext too. Sayuki isn't BL but it has a lot of BL undertones. I think that's good enough imo

 

[girlsgirlsgirls]

the MC is clearly gay/bi it’s not even subtext, i think it’s not considered yaoi bc there won’t be romance between them

 

[loresx]

It can have BL subtext too. Sayuki isn't BL but it has a lot of BL undertones. I think that's good enough imo

yes, I thought of that too.