Love and Curse - Vol. 2 Ch. 10 - Fed Up Teen

[MangaDex]

 

[Nosebleed]

And with that, we've reached the end of volume 2 and the end of high school. Next volume will be Aiko's adult life and the final arc on this story.

I think this is, if not my favorite, then one of my favorite chapters in this manga. It's the chapter that constantly pops into my mind whenever I think back on this story.

The spread on page 10 is just so haunting and probably the one illustration that stuck with me the most. The culmination of all the abuse, trauma, anger, and a slew of other negative emotions, depicted in a cacophony of lines that barely resemble a person, which is likely how Aiko felt too.

I've seen plenty of suicide depictions before and while it's fairly easy to feel empathy with a lot of them due to the nature of the subject, I think this one is one of the suicide scenes that has most resonated with me due to how its presented and how we got to this point.

Watching Aiko grow up and seeing her trauma slowly but surely encroaching on her, taking hold in her mind as she screams for help when no one will listen. You don't have to be a victim of sexual or physical abuse to feel the sheer emotional impact of this scene, and that's why I find it so captivating, distressful, and memorable.

It's also one of the few suicide depictions that show all the ugly sides of a suicide attempt like this. There's nothing pretty about it. You're at the end of your rope. It's gruesome, it's painful, it's ugly, it's raw. But even though it's all those things, Aiko still felt it was the better way out.

And yet, even though something like this should have been the end, we're treated with another dose of reality as she fails to even take her own life and ultimately falls into despair.

And even after all that you're still somewhat left wondering if it would have been better to die or not. You want Aiko to live and have a healthier life, but in reality all she has is pain suffering. I don't think there's realistically a right answer for this, just a series of moral conundrums.

Her last cry of "help" to her mom really touched me as well. Now a hollow shell of a human being, it was like watching the last remainder of her emotions pour out as tears before she would fully succumb. Tears directed at one of the main culprits of her suffering who would even then act oblivious.

I could honestly write on and on about this manga, but I think you get the point, I absolutely love this chapter and have cried every time I read it.

 

[Yasutsuna]

I think what scared me the most is the reaction of Tanaka. As much as I hate to admit it, I can see myself thinking "What a pain," if someone were to come to me and ask those questions.

What I fear the most is if someone I know, my close friends or family come to me when they're at the end of their rope and I say something shitty instead of being helpful since they have the courage to reach out.

I hope I never will have to find out.

 

[Nosebleed]

I think what scared me the most is the reaction of Tanaka. As much as I hate to admit it, I can see myself thinking "What a pain," if someone were to come to me and ask those questions.

What I fear the most is if someone I know, my close friends or family come to me when they're at the end of their rope and I say something shitty instead of being helpful since they have the courage to reach out.

I hope I never will have to find out.

Tanaka is an interesting character.

Obviously he's not a good guy. He's literally grooming a child and only cares about having sex with her. But it's interesting that his words resonate with Aiko so much, especially when he told her she just wants to be special. Even if he was a pedo, he was the guy she spent the most time with and connected with, so he ultimately was the person who she knew the best and who she, for better or wose, loved, and he knew that too and took advantage of it.

In previous chapters we are also shown Aiko is looking for something special in her life, because everything around her was so bleak. She wanted a special place in the world. But this also warped into a toxic mentality because of her religion, which taught its followers that everyone has to have a unique destiny. In sum, Aiko just never got to learn the tools to cope with the world.

She was ultimately trapped between a rock and a hard place. Never getting to know what a normal life is, she yearned for something to save her, to make her special. It's extremely unfortunate that the man she relied on was someone who never cared about her from the start.

I don't think most people would react like Tanaka if someone came crying to them like Aiko did to be honest. Tanaka just simply never gave a crap about her and once she fell out of line he gave her some harsh words to put her in her place. The words themselves may have been founded in truth, but there's more to the situation that Tanaka is oblivious to. Because even if Aiko was just trying to kill herself for "attention" that is still a cry for help that shouldn't be ignored.

Tanaka's solution to Aiko's problems was to shut her up and tell her to kill her parents if she's hurting that bad. Because to him Aiko is just a sexual outlet, her mental well being doesn't matter. A more reasonable person would focus more on giving her mechanisms to heal and cope with her trauma (and ideally get them into therapy, which sadly in Japan is basically nonexistent).

 

[HellShade]

We were this close to greatness, snap snap snap snap

 

[77BLc9JwJGpLVARkamJx]

Yeah, dont try this at home, belts arent that fragile.And holy kek, dude blasted some real talk into her, unfortunate but probably needed sooner or later. Could've been nicer but hes just a fuck buddy and probably helped (better or worst) her to move on to the next phase of something, which unfortunately not an easy task for anyone with or without support. Feels bad all around.

 

[imahuman]

Tanaka is an interesting character.

Obviously he's not a good guy. He's literally grooming a child and only cares about having sex with her. But it's interesting that his words resonate with Aiko so much, especially when he told her she just wants to be special. Even if he was a pedo, he was the guy she spent the most time with and connected with, so he ultimately was the person who she knew the best and who she, for better or wose, loved, and he knew that too and took advantage of it.

In previous chapters we are also shown Aiko is looking for something special in her life, because everything around her was so bleak. She wanted a special place in the world. But this also warped into a toxic mentality because of her religion, which taught its followers that everyone has to have a unique destiny. In sum, Aiko just never got to learn the tools to cope with the world.

She was ultimately trapped between a rock and a hard place. Never getting to know what a normal life is, she yearned for something to save her, to make her special. It's extremely unfortunate that the man she relied on was someone who never cared about her from the start.

I don't think most people would react like Tanaka if someone came crying to them like Aiko did to be honest. Tanaka just simply never gave a crap about her and once she fell out of line he gave her some harsh words to put her in her place. The words themselves may have been founded in truth, but there's more to the situation that Tanaka is oblivious to. Because even if Aiko was just trying to kill herself for "attention" that is still a cry for help that shouldn't be ignored.

Tanaka's solution to Aiko's problems was to shut her up and tell her to kill her parents if she's hurting that bad. Because to him Aiko is just a sexual outlet, her mental well being doesn't matter. A more reasonable person would focus more on giving her mechanisms to heal and cope with her trauma (and ideally get them into therapy, which sadly in Japan is basically nonexistent).

Tanaka's response being annoyance that she's blaming him is, at first glance, justified. Aiko's blaming Tanaka for not helping her, when that's something she should be directing at her parents instead (as she does at the end of the chapter), and after that, teachers and friends and authorities. Although, he really should care more about her, given the position he's in as her boyfriend. On the other hand, he shouldn't be in that position in the first place, given that said position is, like you said, grooming.

However, she's lashing out with "you needed to help me, why did no one help me" as a general statement towards everyone. She's not really blaming him alone, she's simply saying it to anyone who will listen, and he's the only person who pays even the slightest amount of attention to her. It's pretty obvious why Aiko has given up on her parents, they're the ones hurting her and neglecting her. If your kid is suicidal and feels a guy she met through prostitution is more trustworthy, you're an absolute goddamn failure of a parent. Then there's the cult bullshit going on with her school. And really, even if he was just a complete bystander, he should care at least a little.

Tanaka's words technically have some truth to them, but in the same way "if you want to stop having suffering in the world, kill all humans" is technically true when JRPG villains say it. Not to mention he isn't looking at the full situation. Scratch that, he isn't even looking at the situation at all.
Really, his words are just self-righteous bullshit. He's blaming a victim (while victimizing her himself) as if all the abuse she faces is inevitable but her reaction is totally optional and somehow inexcusable. It's like if a someone stabs a person, then complains about the blood. And to add on to what you said about her wanting to be "special" / wanting "attention" - beyond the fact that she still needs help anyway, her goal of "special" / having "attention" is just "I don't want people to hurt me anymore". There's a world of difference between wanting attention as in wanting to be in the spotlight, and wanting attention as in wanting someone to notice you.
Plus, he's saying "other people have gone through worse and been fine", when he hasn't been through any of it himself. Even if he had, that's still no excuse to ignore someone suffering. The type of person to hear someone tearfully ask for help and say "pff, I/others have been through worse" tend to imagine the other person is exaggerating, when typically the person actually downplaying.

I may or may not have a raging personal vendetta against abusers who absolve themselves of responsibility by claiming "you're the one absolving yourself of responsibility by asking me to stop hurting you". Especially ones who start the pain olympics bullshit. I also may or may not have shared in Aiko's fantasy towards her parents at the end.

Seeing the suicide attempt this chapter was definitely rough, but honestly it was the sequence last chapter that made me crying harder. The part where she immediately thinks "all relationships are just me being a sex doll, right", runs off, then breaks down crying when talking about having kids and raising them the right way.

 

[silverpetricof]

It's really nice coming off of this excellent (if harrowing) chapter and reading some interesting analysis from the comments. Just as good as the chapter itself and agree with every part of the assessments. All I can say is I wish Aiko had gotten the help she needed (and wanted) long before it ever reached this point.

Thank you for the translation.

 

[EchoGirl]

Yeah, dont try this at home, belts arent that fragile.And holy kek, dude blasted some real talk into her, unfortunate but probably needed sooner or later. Could've been nicer but hes just a fuck buddy and probably helped (better or worst) her to move on to the next phase of something, which unfortunately not an easy task for anyone with or without support. Feels bad all around.

The author did say it took place during the 80s/those murders mentioned were real tho i wonder if she would've fond some kinda 'suicide group' to die together like in 12 suicidal children if not being able to research stuff like that charcoal 'technique' that's apparently a common way to go out, sucks for anyone that dies like that accidentally tho (tho that has its own twist and turns XP)