Lust Geass - Vol. 2 Ch. 6
- Thread starter MangaDex
- Start date
Double-page supporter
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2018
- Messages
- 174
@Sullieman A few small errors (mostly punctuation and wording), I'll put them in a spoiler for neatness. Thank you for the work regardless, since all some of us are good for is spellchecking and proofreading.
Page 4: "I never imagine something like this would happen but." - would probably be better to have it as: "I never could have imagined something like this would happen but..."
Page 8: "That's not good if I do that I won't have time to make breakfast" - would be better as: "That's no good, because if I do I won't have time to make breakfast!" or something to such effect.
Page 8: "It's fine I don't eat anything" - not much to be changed, just a comma: "It's fine, I don't eat anything." or maybe "It's fine, I don't want anything."
Page 9: I feel like you are using full-stops a bit too much in some pages, but it's a bit more obvious here (lots of narration boxes that are meant to be continuous sentences, being broken into individual sentences) - an easy way to correct this is to use a comma instead of a full-stop if it would make more sense. I would, for example, have the third panel have a comma after the word "incident" if you were to use one at all. Don't worry about it all the time though, as while it's more of a personal nitpick on my part, it's not such an issue that it detracts from the reading experience.
Page 12: "In the recess in the roof... can we do it?" - kind of weird wording, to sound better it should be: "During recess, on the roof... can we do it?"
Page 15: "I thought my legs would give up" - I can't remember the word used in the original text, but I think saying "give out" would be better than "give up" for this scenario, since from literature I've read it's more common for somebody's legs to "give out" under pressure, stress, or fatigue.
Page 18: "Hurry bring out your notebook, Sou-chan. You need to study today." - nothing major, but a small fix would be "Hurry, get out your notebook Sou-chan. You need to study today." or "Hurry and get out your notebook Sou-chan, you need to study today!" depending on the interpreted tone.
Page 24: "After what she saw. I really don't know how I can face her." - the . after "she saw" isn't needed per say, or you could exchange it for a comma: "After what she saw, I really don't know how I can face her."
Overall, I could probably go more in-depth about specific things and punctuation of certain parts, but those are the stand-out ones people might pick up on throughout. Again, thank you for your hard work regardless and I hope you have a nice day
Page 8: "That's not good if I do that I won't have time to make breakfast" - would be better as: "That's no good, because if I do I won't have time to make breakfast!" or something to such effect.
Page 8: "It's fine I don't eat anything" - not much to be changed, just a comma: "It's fine, I don't eat anything." or maybe "It's fine, I don't want anything."
Page 9: I feel like you are using full-stops a bit too much in some pages, but it's a bit more obvious here (lots of narration boxes that are meant to be continuous sentences, being broken into individual sentences) - an easy way to correct this is to use a comma instead of a full-stop if it would make more sense. I would, for example, have the third panel have a comma after the word "incident" if you were to use one at all. Don't worry about it all the time though, as while it's more of a personal nitpick on my part, it's not such an issue that it detracts from the reading experience.
Page 12: "In the recess in the roof... can we do it?" - kind of weird wording, to sound better it should be: "During recess, on the roof... can we do it?"
Page 15: "I thought my legs would give up" - I can't remember the word used in the original text, but I think saying "give out" would be better than "give up" for this scenario, since from literature I've read it's more common for somebody's legs to "give out" under pressure, stress, or fatigue.
Page 18: "Hurry bring out your notebook, Sou-chan. You need to study today." - nothing major, but a small fix would be "Hurry, get out your notebook Sou-chan. You need to study today." or "Hurry and get out your notebook Sou-chan, you need to study today!" depending on the interpreted tone.
Page 24: "After what she saw. I really don't know how I can face her." - the . after "she saw" isn't needed per say, or you could exchange it for a comma: "After what she saw, I really don't know how I can face her."
Overall, I could probably go more in-depth about specific things and punctuation of certain parts, but those are the stand-out ones people might pick up on throughout. Again, thank you for your hard work regardless and I hope you have a nice day
Group Leader
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2019
- Messages
- 3,050
Sighs she went full yandere on mc potentially xD
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- May 25, 2018
- Messages
- 1,298
So, she got NTR’d so bad she summoned that Zepar thing’s book?
