My father died when i was 10 if im not wrong. But I wasnt sad about his death other than knowing that I should be sad and tried to get my tears out cause everyone else was sad and crying. I didnt hate my dad, i was happy with my dad and dont have any resentment nor grudge. In his end he was in the hospital and i remember thinking while i was being driven there thinking "I dont want to go to the hospital, i want to play at home instead." even though he was there on his deathbed. And at the night where his death was being ritualize (idk how you say it in english but it was just families and neighbor reading the holy stuff) i was in my sister's room with my cousins playing and me being the loudest... is this just my autism or i was just too young to feel much?