Thank you for translating this manga, including all the extra content. I never would have known otherwise that this was a way to help Kurata overcome his writer's block, even if it wasn't for very long.
Is there a page (22) missing? Based on the printed page numbers and panel arrangement I think there should be one more right after the two page spread.
A few pages are out of order. Pages 3 and 4 are swapped (labeled on the pages as 3 and 2), as are pages 17 and 18 (printed as 17 and 16). 22-21 is also a two page spread that needs reversing.
Everyone is ignoring the fact that the timely zaps don't help you if you lose track of them happening. He returned 10 minutes later than planned because he failed to notice one while playing.