Mom: "Don't worry, son. You have the fattest, meatiest, girthiest jackhammer of love that girl could ever hope for! The kind that could hurt a girl in all the best ways! At first she'll be begging you to stop but then pleading for you to do it all over again."
Son: "M-mom, plea-"
Mom: "So you get over there and really take that mentally unstable girl down to Poundtown! Beat that pussy up like it owes you money and you want to make an example of it. Make her feel like she can't live without it. Fill her to the brim and and put a bandaid over it so none of it leaks out. And if I find out she can still walk afterwards I won't be mad but I will be very disappointed!"
Son: "Oh, God! Mom, sto-"
Mom: "Oh, before you piledrive her into the ground, I made you a protein shake with a side of pineapple and oysters."
Son: [Silently weeping]
Mom: "And if I find out you used a condom you're dead!"