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Do you think fat bastards are in the same egg group as wailord? Only one way to find out!

"We have a magic ceremony which will grant you longevity and restore your youthful aspect. " They could have just bottled the stuff and sold it.

Bind their souls to slugs.

jesuskunprovides

They overdo the action line filter.

Really, the only thing comedically missing here is someone uncorking a bottle of bubbly and yelling "YEAH!" the moment after the guy's body splooshes.

It's moments like this where it's a shame the MC's power doesn't messily gib targets.

He's like a hammer that has a hard time seeing problems as nails.

"I'm gonna hate him, and crush him, and call him Mr. Potato Head. I mean George."

"Thanks for making your face more punchable."

A bard with a strong grasp of magic would break the world.

What was the plan here, Olivia?

Remember, everyone is lying to you except us. Everyone is secretly out to get you but us. We need you. We know you're great. We know you are not to blame. It's them. They did it. They made you. We know things are bad. They'll make it worse. But you are special. You can stop them. We can stop...

@fetusdeletus But you run across large amounts of blood all the time. I mean there's blood everywhere. In you. In your friends and relations. When you say 'a large amount of blood' are you still implicitly talking about exsanguination and it's traumatic associations? Because that'd be blood loss.

IT'S A GIANT ENEMY CRAB ATTACK IT'S WEAK POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE

@LaVoiture No one fears blood. They fear blood loss.

@Mogima That's far too kind a fate. Couldn't he find an otyugh? Or a cactus?

Playing up the 'loved by the goddess' angle to a 'divine right of kings' would probably be the easiest way to spin his bid. Or he could just back-burner the dirt farmers and clone-army it up, since he doesn't need to educate people as urgently as he needs to spin up resource extraction and...

Congratulations, you have dysentery!