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I've been learning japanese for only about 7-8 months, plus I'm not even a native english speaker and even I was shocked to see translation this bad . 100% sure this is machine translated. As Maiorem pointed out in his comment あっ…あれは…ってか盗み聞きとかサイテー is translated to You never tell me that...

The author died at the age of 23 on 5th july 2018. https://note.mu/rururu117/n/nd98bfa6bd82a