36 - Ch. 18 - Step On Me

[MangaDex]

 

[heccingisconfused]

I'm not sure how Ma became this deranged but you can definitely see it in her kid.

 

[skywardgem]

god. Thanks for trying, Natsumi, but it'll probably be a while longer before we even get to begin to unpack All Of That... I hope she'll be around for Anzu when that time comes tho, Natsumi's been reaching out to her in different ways since the very first chapter and I'd be devastated if this was enough to bring an end to that

I'll be processing Anzu's end of things for a good bit longer but, it's a Lot seeing her slip back so easily into what we saw in the early chapters. It makes sense! The build up was there! But damn if it isn't unsettling. I continue to look forward to watching her journey because she's a hell of a kid, but damn, what a chapter

thanks for the chapter!

 

[Taw]

high key unsure how she's going to get out this relationship with her mom because its so self-reinforcing, like it'd probably take outside intervention from the state but i dont see that happening

 

[Cosmism]

I'm not sure how Ma became this deranged but you can definitely see it in her kid.

Well I can guess. We know what Kishibe said about the Dad (that he ran away and abandoned his family,) and the mom also has quite a few scars that were shown in the bathing scene a few chaps ago. Definitely doesn't explain everything though, but it's a start.

 

[UdenEmpati]

I don't think it would make for a good story...but I almost don't want Anzu to be saved, and to simply self-destruct and see what that does to her mom.

Given how self-reinforcing their relationship is, as someone else said, I don't see how anyone else can get between them. Anzu is too like her mother to even allow it, as can be seen here, so it would almost take someone with resources equivalent to her family to force the issue and...I guess forcibly remove her from her mother's side?

And none of the characters introduced thus far can manage that, and any that could be crazy enough, i.e. Ikoma, have no apparent interest in doing so.

So Anzu simply spiraling until she gives her mother what she wants--becoming a shell of a person who fits into the desired mold, only to have something catastrophic happen, would be interesting to see.

I guess it's neat to find a story where the protagonist almost gets out, after a sequence of avoidant and antisocial behavior and a bad home life, actually get the "bad end". Has people who care, who try to help, but pushes them all away and ends up self-destructing and everyone else has to deal with the fallout.

I don't know how well a story like that would work - but it is something that happens in real life. A story where the protagonist becomes a metaphor and a vehicle for those around them to sort out their stories from a reference point, type thing. Anzu becomes a prop, and we see how the lives of Ikoma, Natsumi, Shunpei, and all the others all are affected.

This is more my ramblings upon reading this chapter shortly after waking up, though, so might not be coherent. But I look forward to seeing where this story goes, from here.


Thanks for the TL.

 

[biscard-one]

high key unsure how she's going to get out this relationship with her mom because its so self-reinforcing, like it'd probably take outside intervention from the state but i dont see that happening

Well, it doesn't have necessarily to be the state. An outside intervention can be enacted by another external force, or event - or even "life" itself. Here's an example, taken from my experience.
I had a high school classmate, a girl with a very standoffish and oppositional character. She tried her hardest to be a teacher's pet, and academic grades were her only measure of judgment. I remember her trying to coerce me to show her my grade report, when we met at a university a couple years later.
Well, some more time passed, and I met her again: she was a completely different person. We had a little talk: turns out when she grew up she was under constant pressure by her parents, that were incredibly controlling. However, when she went to Uni, after a couple years she convinced her parents to rent her an apartment, telling them her commute to the university took too much time and energy, and that her grades were slipping because of that. Well, living far from her family relieved her of that pressure and allowed her to meet other people, learn other perspectives, and become self-reliant. Better adjusted, overall.
We'll see how things go for Anzu, but I'm willing to bet she'll be forced to change, for better or worse.

 

[outinthegardener]

I'm trying to wrap my head around the mutual horridness. I don't think we have the full picture. Mom had that reveal of scars, so there's implied mental illness? I could see them both have severe cases of a personality disorder (Bipolar, or Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or Borderline Personality Disorder) and then all the induced problems with violence and depression and suicide that often accompany them. Maybe controlling people is a way her Mom manages her own condition, and lashing out is Anzu's teenage reaction. But oh man it's intense and Mom takes it way too far.

They seem codependent. The more Anzu lashes out, the more Mom squeezes and destroys, and the more Anzu self-destructs, and the more Mom gets violent, and...

Hey is that another Cardigans reference?! Step on me. The song about an abusive relationship!

Another thought I've been having is the cliché about great art coming from hardship. Little tortured Anzu has something real to sing about, or it inspires her genius, or something. I don't really like that idea. There are plenty of untortured geniuses. Genius is 99% hard work, regardless. I don't like how people might justify hard living, if it might lead to creative output. The parallel idea is that suffering is "good for you," the protestant/capitalist psyop that's been driving us all insane for 400 years. No thanks! I'll make my art from a place of freedom and security, not from angst. Angsty art lowkey sucks.

 

[Ichaivalrose]

I'm trying to wrap my head around the mutual horridness. I don't think we have the full picture. Mom had that reveal of scars, so there's implied mental illness? I could see them both have severe cases of a personality disorder (Bipolar, or Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or Borderline Personality Disorder) and then all the induced problems with violence and depression and suicide that often accompany them. Maybe controlling people is a way her Mom manages her own condition, and lashing out is Anzu's teenage reaction. But oh man it's intense and Mom takes it way too far.

They seem codependent. The more Anzu lashes out, the more Mom squeezes and destroys, and the more Anzu self-destructs, and the more Mom gets violent, and...

Hey is that another Cardigans reference?! Step on me. The song about an abusive relationship!

Another thought I've been having is the cliché about great art coming from hardship. Little tortured Anzu has something real to sing about, or it inspires her genius, or something. I don't really like that idea. There are plenty of untortured geniuses. Genius is 99% hard work, regardless. I don't like how people might justify hard living, if it might lead to creative output. The parallel idea is that suffering is "good for you," the protestant/capitalist psyop that's been driving us all insane for 400 years. No thanks! I'll make my art from a place of freedom and security, not from angst. Angsty art lowkey sucks.

Honestly I could see this manga ending with anzu being the next kurt cobain and not in a good way it's kinda freaky

 

[mrboxeater]

some crazy BPD shit

 

[DMan_chine]

When a person don't want to be saved. When she deliberately acts in a way that destroys her... fully aware of it. It's hard to cheer for someone who destroys the people around to make herself feel better about her self-destruction. She's basically making a self-fulling profecy: "I am a bad person, that deserves suffering. I hurt others deliberate because I am a bad person. I deserve to suffer." All backwards. She first declares she's bad, goes and does something bad because she wants to act like a bad person. "See, I am bad after all." Then she claims she deserves to suffer. Not only does she make no effort to be better, she makes an effort to be worse to keep the status quo. She has internalized what her mother claims about her, and makes it her only quality about herself. If she isn't bad, what is she? Well, then nothing, because she can't be good, that's already not an option.

Such sad story. Pretty good, for a story. Makes things very interesting. But still very uncomfortable to think about a victim that wants so badly to not be a victim by acting the villain as an escape. Really hard to cheer for her too. She doesn't deserve what has been done to her prior, but she doesn't make a good case for someone that deserves to be saved either.

 

[themanthemyth]

ma needs junko furuta levels of punishment