Alicia Y - Vol. 1 Ch. 13 - Alicia Y

[MangaDex]

 

[falsePOSITIVE]

Are you guys doing the omake and other extras as well? I was waiting to read this once it finished and then I saw that there's still another little bit left kinda.

 

[ckckckck]

Thanks for the translation of this unusual work!
Although I am grateful you made it possible for us to read this at all, I would suggest you to look for a proofreader for future projects. I was not always able to understand the sentences due to grammatical or syntax errors.

 

[Lambdadelta_Umineko]

Thanks for the translation of this unusual work!
Although I am grateful you made it possible for us to read this at all, I would suggest you to look for a proofreader for future projects. I was not always able to understand the sentences due to grammatical or syntax errors.

So can you kindly point out where the translator of my team is wrong? I'm sorry, but I won't listen to any words without specific evidence.

P/S: Also, it's "I would suggest you look for" and not "to look for". In more formal English, you suggest that someone do something.

 

[Lambdadelta_Umineko]

Are you guys doing the omake and other extras as well? I was waiting to read this once it finished and then I saw that there's still another little bit left kinda.

Your chapter, sir.

https://mangadex.org/chapter/f643a308-94a6-4734-ab96-7a8f9b935d41/1

 

[LifeIsVanilla]

So can you kindly point out where the translator of my team is wrong? I'm sorry, but I won't listen to any words without specific evidence.

P/S: Also, it's "I would suggest you look for" and not "to look for". In more formal English, you suggest that someone do something.

This is such a dickish response, and I'm here for it. hahahaha

 

[ckckckck]

So can you kindly point out where the translator of my team is wrong? I'm sorry, but I won't listen to any words without specific evidence.

P/S: Also, it's "I would suggest you look for" and not "to look for". In more formal English, you suggest that someone do something.

Hey Umineko,

perfectly understandable that you want to see some proof. I certainly don't want to give the impression that I am a lector or anybody else with profound knowledge in the english language. But as I said, while reading this work I had at multiple points problems understanding it or seeing some errors.

I am not an English native speaker myself, so I'm very likely not correct with each and every one of my comments, but I still think you will find it useful to look through them.
And I am thankful for your comment regarding "suggest". I looked into it and it seems I learned an archaic version of using that verb which is outdated nowadays.

Last words before the comments: As I now put more than 3 hours into this proofreading, I hope it shows that I do not want to diss your teams work but rather help making it even better. I can't read japanese at all, so I am very thankful to people like you who bring these works outside of japan.

Here now the comments you asked for:

In general I get the impression that the translation often tries to be very accurate to the japanese original, even in sentence structure. This makes it harder to read though, since English and Japanese differ a lot in that regard. Also, I have not commented on commas, because I am not 100% sure myself where they go. But, I do get the feeling that there were points where they should have been.

Ch = Chapter; P = page

Ch 1 P7 "The Serial Killer has disturbed the Public recently." -> Alicia is adressing them, so it should be "the serial killer that has disturbed the public recently." since she askes before "isn't it you guys?"
Ch1 P17 "Had you are an ordinary passenger" -> "had you been an..." ; "and asked to leave" -> "and are asked to leave" or "and they asked you to leave" or just "and leave" ; and the whole panel sounded strange to me. After reading it multiple times now, I understood what was meant. The second bubble with "that other person" made me wonder when another person was being talked about before, since Nyar addresses Satsuki in the first bubble directly with "you". I would change the 2nd bubble to "But since it is you we are talking about, it's very likely that you will not leave anytime soon".

Ch2 P5 "Just stop looking around" -> "Stop just looking around" makes more sense to me. the way it is now is again not exactly wrong, but seems rather strange in the situation.
Ch2 P7 "Sankrit" -> "Sanskrit" ; "hieroglyph" -> "hieroglyphs"
Ch2 P8 "I presumed" -> "I presume"
Ch2 P16 "kill them with your heart's contents" sounds strange, like wrongly written "kill them to your heart's content" since his "heart's contents" don't show up at all later in the battle as a special power or similar thing.
Ch2 P17 "in the midnight" -> "at midnight" or "in the mid[dle] of night"
Ch2 P17 "here a little bit" -> "for a bit"

Ch3 P2 the whole newspaper article is strangely written. "The fishes are mainly species from the Pacific ocean, located at the river downstream..." makes it sound like the pacific ocean is located at the river downstream. The other way around and a different verb makes it clearer: "Found at the river downstream from the bridge, the fishes are mainly from the Pacific Ocean". "...is is very unusual that even if the deep-sea fishes are being disposed of, involved indidviuals are confused what happened." Why is the unusualness depending on the fishes being disposed of? I think "with" makes more sense instead of "if": "even with the fished being disposes of, ..."
Ch3 P2 "if something happened on such a scale then it would end up" -> "would have ended up" since he talks about a potential past event.
Ch3 P3 "ordinary person you know" -> "ordinary person, you know"
Ch3 P6 "not to peeping" -> "not to peep"
Ch3 P10 "will be submitted like a dog" -> "will submit like a dog", since "will be submitted" doesn't make sense, you can only submit yourself (even though you may be forced to submit, it is still an action by you)
Ch3 P13 "did I have gone" -> "Have I gone" or "Did I go"
Ch3 P14 Panel 2 has a strange flow. "Something wrong?" fits better to Nyars answer. Then "No... but that man who is called Inumaru... he has my great interest."
Ch3 P14 Panel 6 the question is "do you have any idea what the hell that thing is?", similar to "do you know what day today is?"

Ch4 P3 Might be nitpicking, but Lovecraft (nearly?) always called them with article "the great old ones", to infer their godly power
Ch4 P3 "it would be easy to capture" -> "you would be easy to capture" or "it would be easy to capture you"
Ch4 P9 "on a fatigue" -> no idea, google only finds that phrase in the context of e.g. "on a fatigue formula..."
Ch4 P9 "you didn't notice, didn't you?" -> double negative, should be "didn't notice, did you?"
Ch4 P9 "4000 years later" -> normally you don't say "later" when you mean in the future starting from now, rather "4000 years in the future"
Ch4 P9 "he will suffer in the world..." -> strange/wrong syntax, my proposition is "he will suffer, as not a single human being on this world will be there to be ruled over"
Ch4 P16 "in the same essential" -> no idea, a noun seems to be missing as essential is an adjective

Ch5 P4 "you are only sensible when in that appearance, don't you?" -> "... appearance, aren't you?"
Ch5 P4 "He dared make a fool out of me?" -> "he dares to make a fool out of me?"
Ch5 P9 "if only you can, that is" -> "if only you could" This is called subjunctive mood, as I learned via googling if I am right.
Ch5 P10 "are you sure if we let him get away" -> "are you sure we should let him get away?"
Ch5 P11 Panel 1 has a strange flow to it. Satsuki asks a question which should not be answered with "that's right", but if you include "Oh, that's right...", it makes more sense.
Ch5 P16 "her clothes will gone" -> "her clothes will be gone"
Ch5 P19 I do not understand why she calls Carter Papa here? Is it supposed to be a joke since she wouldn't exist if Carter/Lovecraft wouldn't have written his works?
Ch5 P20 It seems strange that he says he failed to capture them, when before he got the order to kill them and specifically capture Alicia. Again, might be mangaka's fault, no idea

Ch6 P3 "Alhazred is consumed by" -> "was consumed"
Ch6 P4 "for dozens of fields" -> I am not aware of field being used as area unit of any specific amount, but just general for an area of unspecified size as a ... field
Ch6 P12 "you are a homunculus created by me, however" No idea what the however at the end is supposed to mean. is it supposed to be "..." afterwards instead of a single dot to end the sentence there?

Ch7 P4 "the dream is seen by Cthulhu" -> "as seen by Cthulhu" makes more sense with her sentence before and on the next page. "It's the dream... the dream as seen by cthulhu"
Ch7 P4 "you're here" -> "you here", again in the whole context makes more sense to me.
Ch7 P7 "a seeker of truth, but." -> The dot at the end of the sentence is strange, was probably meant to be "..." and then continued in the next sentence.
Ch7 P8 "please don't tell me that you have lost his track, right?" -> the "right" at the end sounds better as "okay?"
Ch7 P8 His answer "it's not" doesn't make sense with that question of hers. "It's not that" would fit.
Ch7 P12 "It's as if you are cursing upon yourself" -> "It's as is you are cursing yourself" or "... as if you put a curse upon yourself", but the first option fits better to Alicias answer & explanation on the next page
Ch7 P13 "I did" sounds better than "I cursed", although it is not wrong per se.
Ch7 P13 "or so that means" -> no idea what is meant here with that part
Ch7 P14 "among them" -> "among those kind of people" makes more sense to me, since it would recontextualize her speech on the last page as "what those kind of people think"
Ch7 P14 "you can never hope to win someone" -> again ambigous, "... win against someone" or "win someone over "? no idea which one is meant.
Ch7 P14 "I still win if our condition is the same" -> no idea. what condition is meant?

Ch9 P9 "is something extremely stable" doesn't make sense with what is that in the next panel, that the balance will be lost as soon as she leans to one side. So it should be "extremely unstable"
Ch9 P11 "The more blood that you shed" -> "the more blood you shed"
Ch9 P11 "I'ma keep you" -> it is really strange to see this century old magician use modern slang.
Ch9 P13 "for alicia who has become familiar with being either god or man" -> it seems strange to me here that she is being called one or the other. In my eyes it would make more sense if it said "she is neither god or man", since then it would make sense why the world wouldnt be her bother
Ch9 P17 "I never expect that" -> "I never expected that"

Ch10 P7 "I'm not really approved of this" -> either "not really approving" or "haven`t really approved"
Ch10 P16 "I care not how human is using" -> "how a human is" or "how this human is" or "how humans are"

Ch12 P6 "such a subject ought to exert that wisdom" -> "such a subject that ought to exert that wisdom"
Ch12 P11 "why you didn`t stop him" -> "why didn`t you stop him"
Ch12 P14 "this can't be happened" -> "this can't have happened"

Ch13 P15 "she beat up you too" -> "she beat you up too"
Ch13 P15 "no, mom" -> "nothing mom" sounds better

Ch13.1 P3 "you always said the same thing" -> "you always say the same thing"
Ch13.1 P4 "he begins to possess" -> "he began to possess"
Ch13.1 P4 "whenever I put on this" -> "whenever I put this on"
Ch13.1 P5 "thought about this?" -> seems strange to ask him if he thought about it, makes more sense as "thoughts about this" to ask for Nyar's opinion
Ch13.1 P9 "I supposed that" -> makes it sound like she already figured it out before, if that is not the intent of the mangaka, "I suppose that" makes more sense
Ch13.1 P9 "this world had eroded" -> "this world and had eroded"
Ch13.1 P9 "I will deal with it in advance" -> strange choice of words uttered after the thesis already did damage. "before it does even more damage" might be better choice.

Ch13.2 P1 "the skill that you pull it out" -> "the skill where you pull it out" here and in general on this page the "it" is never defined and makes reading this page strange.
Ch13.2 P4 "Nyar loves you, Aya-chan, including that another trait of yours, no?" -> hard to understand for me what is meant. Is it "Nyar loves you, that is another trait of you" or is it "Nyar loves you, including that other trait of yours?" ? "another" is the word responsible for the ambiguity here for me.
Ch13.2 P4 "stronger than anything else, things ..." -> "stronger than anything else. Things ..."
Ch13.2 P6 "Her Insight is great" as well as Alicias second speech bubble seem to be talking about the same person, but it is unclear who that is. The last mentioned female character is her deceased mother, but Nyar says "therefore she can stay as your friend", which doesn't make sense for her dead mother. So it seems he is talking about Satsuki. Which then makes the non-named reference to "her" in their 2 previous sentences ambigous.

 

[Lambdadelta_Umineko]

Hey Umineko,

perfectly understandable that you want to see some proof. I certainly don't want to give the impression that I am a lector or anybody else with profound knowledge in the english language. But as I said, while reading this work I had at multiple points problems understanding it or seeing some errors.

I am not an English native speaker myself, so I'm very likely not correct with each and every one of my comments, but I still think you will find it useful to look through them.
And I am thankful for your comment regarding "suggest". I looked into it and it seems I learned an archaic version of using that verb which is outdated nowadays.

Last words before the comments: As I now put more than 3 hours into this proofreading, I hope it shows that I do not want to diss your teams work but rather help making it even better. I can't read japanese at all, so I am very thankful to people like you who bring these works outside of japan.

Here now the comments you asked for:

In general I get the impression that the translation often tries to be very accurate to the japanese original, even in sentence structure. This makes it harder to read though, since English and Japanese differ a lot in that regard. Also, I have not commented on commas, because I am not 100% sure myself where they go. But, I do get the feeling that there were points where they should have been.

Ch = Chapter; P = page

Ch 1 P7 "The Serial Killer has disturbed the Public recently." -> Alicia is adressing them, so it should be "the serial killer that has disturbed the public recently." since she askes before "isn't it you guys?"
Ch1 P17 "Had you are an ordinary passenger" -> "had you been an..." ; "and asked to leave" -> "and are asked to leave" or "and they asked you to leave" or just "and leave" ; and the whole panel sounded strange to me. After reading it multiple times now, I understood what was meant. The second bubble with "that other person" made me wonder when another person was being talked about before, since Nyar addresses Satsuki in the first bubble directly with "you". I would change the 2nd bubble to "But since it is you we are talking about, it's very likely that you will not leave anytime soon".

Ch2 P5 "Just stop looking around" -> "Stop just looking around" makes more sense to me. the way it is now is again not exactly wrong, but seems rather strange in the situation.
Ch2 P7 "Sankrit" -> "Sanskrit" ; "hieroglyph" -> "hieroglyphs"
Ch2 P8 "I presumed" -> "I presume"
Ch2 P16 "kill them with your heart's contents" sounds strange, like wrongly written "kill them to your heart's content" since his "heart's contents" don't show up at all later in the battle as a special power or similar thing.
Ch2 P17 "in the midnight" -> "at midnight" or "in the mid[dle] of night"
Ch2 P17 "here a little bit" -> "for a bit"

Ch3 P2 the whole newspaper article is strangely written. "The fishes are mainly species from the Pacific ocean, located at the river downstream..." makes it sound like the pacific ocean is located at the river downstream. The other way around and a different verb makes it clearer: "Found at the river downstream from the bridge, the fishes are mainly from the Pacific Ocean". "...is is very unusual that even if the deep-sea fishes are being disposed of, involved indidviuals are confused what happened." Why is the unusualness depending on the fishes being disposed of? I think "with" makes more sense instead of "if": "even with the fished being disposes of, ..."
Ch3 P2 "if something happened on such a scale then it would end up" -> "would have ended up" since he talks about a potential past event.
Ch3 P3 "ordinary person you know" -> "ordinary person, you know"
Ch3 P6 "not to peeping" -> "not to peep"
Ch3 P10 "will be submitted like a dog" -> "will submit like a dog", since "will be submitted" doesn't make sense, you can only submit yourself (even though you may be forced to submit, it is still an action by you)
Ch3 P13 "did I have gone" -> "Have I gone" or "Did I go"
Ch3 P14 Panel 2 has a strange flow. "Something wrong?" fits better to Nyars answer. Then "No... but that man who is called Inumaru... he has my great interest."
Ch3 P14 Panel 6 the question is "do you have any idea what the hell that thing is?", similar to "do you know what day today is?"

Ch4 P3 Might be nitpicking, but Lovecraft (nearly?) always called them with article "the great old ones", to infer their godly power
Ch4 P3 "it would be easy to capture" -> "you would be easy to capture" or "it would be easy to capture you"
Ch4 P9 "on a fatigue" -> no idea, google only finds that phrase in the context of e.g. "on a fatigue formula..."
Ch4 P9 "you didn't notice, didn't you?" -> double negative, should be "didn't notice, did you?"
Ch4 P9 "4000 years later" -> normally you don't say "later" when you mean in the future starting from now, rather "4000 years in the future"
Ch4 P9 "he will suffer in the world..." -> strange/wrong syntax, my proposition is "he will suffer, as not a single human being on this world will be there to be ruled over"
Ch4 P16 "in the same essential" -> no idea, a noun seems to be missing as essential is an adjective

Ch5 P4 "you are only sensible when in that appearance, don't you?" -> "... appearance, aren't you?"
Ch5 P4 "He dared make a fool out of me?" -> "he dares to make a fool out of me?"
Ch5 P9 "if only you can, that is" -> "if only you could" This is called subjunctive mood, as I learned via googling if I am right.
Ch5 P10 "are you sure if we let him get away" -> "are you sure we should let him get away?"
Ch5 P11 Panel 1 has a strange flow to it. Satsuki asks a question which should not be answered with "that's right", but if you include "Oh, that's right...", it makes more sense.
Ch5 P16 "her clothes will gone" -> "her clothes will be gone"
Ch5 P19 I do not understand why she calls Carter Papa here? Is it supposed to be a joke since she wouldn't exist if Carter/Lovecraft wouldn't have written his works?
Ch5 P20 It seems strange that he says he failed to capture them, when before he got the order to kill them and specifically capture Alicia. Again, might be mangaka's fault, no idea

Ch6 P3 "Alhazred is consumed by" -> "was consumed"
Ch6 P4 "for dozens of fields" -> I am not aware of field being used as area unit of any specific amount, but just general for an area of unspecified size as a ... field
Ch6 P12 "you are a homunculus created by me, however" No idea what the however at the end is supposed to mean. is it supposed to be "..." afterwards instead of a single dot to end the sentence there?

Ch7 P4 "the dream is seen by Cthulhu" -> "as seen by Cthulhu" makes more sense with her sentence before and on the next page. "It's the dream... the dream as seen by cthulhu"
Ch7 P4 "you're here" -> "you here", again in the whole context makes more sense to me.
Ch7 P7 "a seeker of truth, but." -> The dot at the end of the sentence is strange, was probably meant to be "..." and then continued in the next sentence.
Ch7 P8 "please don't tell me that you have lost his track, right?" -> the "right" at the end sounds better as "okay?"
Ch7 P8 His answer "it's not" doesn't make sense with that question of hers. "It's not that" would fit.
Ch7 P12 "It's as if you are cursing upon yourself" -> "It's as is you are cursing yourself" or "... as if you put a curse upon yourself", but the first option fits better to Alicias answer & explanation on the next page
Ch7 P13 "I did" sounds better than "I cursed", although it is not wrong per se.
Ch7 P13 "or so that means" -> no idea what is meant here with that part
Ch7 P14 "among them" -> "among those kind of people" makes more sense to me, since it would recontextualize her speech on the last page as "what those kind of people think"
Ch7 P14 "you can never hope to win someone" -> again ambigous, "... win against someone" or "win someone over "? no idea which one is meant.
Ch7 P14 "I still win if our condition is the same" -> no idea. what condition is meant?

Ch9 P9 "is something extremely stable" doesn't make sense with what is that in the next panel, that the balance will be lost as soon as she leans to one side. So it should be "extremely unstable"
Ch9 P11 "The more blood that you shed" -> "the more blood you shed"
Ch9 P11 "I'ma keep you" -> it is really strange to see this century old magician use modern slang.
Ch9 P13 "for alicia who has become familiar with being either god or man" -> it seems strange to me here that she is being called one or the other. In my eyes it would make more sense if it said "she is neither god or man", since then it would make sense why the world wouldnt be her bother
Ch9 P17 "I never expect that" -> "I never expected that"

Ch10 P7 "I'm not really approved of this" -> either "not really approving" or "haven`t really approved"
Ch10 P16 "I care not how human is using" -> "how a human is" or "how this human is" or "how humans are"

Ch12 P6 "such a subject ought to exert that wisdom" -> "such a subject that ought to exert that wisdom"
Ch12 P11 "why you didn`t stop him" -> "why didn`t you stop him"
Ch12 P14 "this can't be happened" -> "this can't have happened"

Ch13 P15 "she beat up you too" -> "she beat you up too"
Ch13 P15 "no, mom" -> "nothing mom" sounds better

Ch13.1 P3 "you always said the same thing" -> "you always say the same thing"
Ch13.1 P4 "he begins to possess" -> "he began to possess"
Ch13.1 P4 "whenever I put on this" -> "whenever I put this on"
Ch13.1 P5 "thought about this?" -> seems strange to ask him if he thought about it, makes more sense as "thoughts about this" to ask for Nyar's opinion
Ch13.1 P9 "I supposed that" -> makes it sound like she already figured it out before, if that is not the intent of the mangaka, "I suppose that" makes more sense
Ch13.1 P9 "this world had eroded" -> "this world and had eroded"
Ch13.1 P9 "I will deal with it in advance" -> strange choice of words uttered after the thesis already did damage. "before it does even more damage" might be better choice.

Ch13.2 P1 "the skill that you pull it out" -> "the skill where you pull it out" here and in general on this page the "it" is never defined and makes reading this page strange.
Ch13.2 P4 "Nyar loves you, Aya-chan, including that another trait of yours, no?" -> hard to understand for me what is meant. Is it "Nyar loves you, that is another trait of you" or is it "Nyar loves you, including that other trait of yours?" ? "another" is the word responsible for the ambiguity here for me.
Ch13.2 P4 "stronger than anything else, things ..." -> "stronger than anything else. Things ..."
Ch13.2 P6 "Her Insight is great" as well as Alicias second speech bubble seem to be talking about the same person, but it is unclear who that is. The last mentioned female character is her deceased mother, but Nyar says "therefore she can stay as your friend", which doesn't make sense for her dead mother. So it seems he is talking about Satsuki. Which then makes the non-named reference to "her" in their 2 previous sentences ambigous.

Thank you for pointing out the mistakes of our group. I just told the translator of this manga, LucasHood98, to come here and see your feedback on his translation issues. I have also corrected some errors in his translation process, but the truth is that I cannot oversee everything because my main task is to clean and typeset the comic pages.

 

[LucasHood]

...

Hello.
Thank you for your feedback, this is my first time translating a manga from Japanese into English, and as you can see I'm not a native English speaker so there might be some errors here and there. I'm really appreciated this in order to improve my translation. I will reply to you bit by bit.

*Chapter 1:

• P7: You're right, it should have "that". Will fix it right away.
• P17: Thanks, I just noticed the grammar error. I will fix this as:

"Had you been an ordinary passenger, this is where you hand over your ticket and are asked to leave.
But since that person is you, Satsuki-san, it’s very likely that you will not leave anytime soon."

*Chapter 2:

• P5: Inumaru is telling Nyar to stop looking and help them, so "Just stop looking around" is still correct, I will keep it, given by his somewhat personality. Also "Stop just looking around" is wrong, no one say that.
• P7: Right, my bad, Sanskrit and hieroglyphs are the correct words.
• P8: "I presumed" is still correct, since before that it has ",".
• P16: Both "with your heart's contents" and "to your heart's content" are correct, even adding the "s" will not change the meaning of the phrase.
• P17: Right, in the middle of the night is correct. Will fix them as:

"Good grief, what the hell are we carrying from the River Thames in the middle of the night like this?"
"Hey, can you guys come here for a bit!!"

*Chapter 3:
- P2: The newspaper was written that way because there are bits that were cut, hence I cannot read the whole paragraph fully. But I agree there's a sentence that could be better, will fix it as:
"Found at the river downstream from the bridge, the fishes are species mainly from the Pacific Ocean."
- P14: You're right, "Something wrong?" sounds much better, I will fix them as:
"Something wrong?"
"No…… But that man who is called Inumaru…… He has my great interest."
"do you have any idea what the hell that thing is?" is correct, the guy is asking Alicia about the star-shaped stone.

*Chapter 4:

• P3: Great Old Ones is fine, no need to add "the".
• P9: The original Japanese said 四千年後, 後 = after, later. Though I will fix the whole sentence as:

"After 4000 years, he suffered, as the world had no single human being for him to rule over."

*Chapter 5:

• P9: I will fix this as "If only you could, that is".
• P11: Inumaru said そうだな, which can be translated as "That's right", but yeah, I will change it into "Oh that's right", sounds much better.
• P19: Alicia literally called Carter as "Papa" in the original Japanese.
• P20: He said 二人, which means "those two people".

*Chapter 6:

• P4: It said 数十畑, 数十 = dozens, 畑 = field.
• P12: Right, I should've added "..." after however.

*Chapter 7:
- P12: The Japanese sentence used "ようではないか", the grammar is about suggesting over something. However based on context it will be translated into "as if", so there's nothing wrong with this sentence. By the way, what the heck is "It's as is"?
The only thing that I will fix is removing the word "upon", so it will be like this:
"It’s as if you are cursing yourself, don’t you think?"
- P13: Again, there's nothing wrong with "I cursed".
I added "or so that means" to make that sentence more flowery.
- P14: "Among them" here refers to the "commoners" that Alicia said in page 13, also Alicia said その中で, which means "among those people", based on context she is referring to the commoners that she hate, so "them" is still correct.
"you can never hope to win someone", please read the sentence again, it's literally said "Doesn’t matter what kind of gibberish you are babbling about, you can never hope to win someone who’s more powerful than you are.".
Dee said "同じ条件", which means "same situation" or "equal situation". The "condition" here is likely saying that Dee still win even if they shared the same situation. I will go with what the Japanese raws said.

*Chapter 9:

• P9: No no no, you are wrong. The correct translation is stable, not unstable, because Alicia's existence is between gods and humans, hence it created a perfect balance. Also the raw said 安定, it means "stable", not unstable.
• P11: I will change it into "I will keep you" because yeah, it's weird for a character like him to use modern slang.
• P13: "神にも人にもなれるアリシア" = "become familiar with being/become either god or man", Alicia is a hybrid between outer god and human, hence she has been used to acting as either god or mortal. Saying she is neither god or man is totally wrong as it isn't matched with the Japanese sentence and the context.

https://japanesetest4you.com/flashcard/learn-jlpt-n4-vocabulary-慣れる-nareru/

*Chapter 10:

• P7: I will fix this as "I'm not really approving this".
• P6: Fix this as "I care not how humans are using my power".

*Chapter 12:
- P14: I will fix this as "This can't be happening".

*Chapter 13:
- P15: Yeah, "Nothing, mom" sounds much better.

*Chapter 13.1:

• P5: You're right, it should be "Thoughts about this, Nyar?".
• P9: There's nothing wrong with the translation, what the heck is "and had eroded"?

"I will deal with it in advance", basically Alicia is saying that she will deal with the professor's thesis right away, hence "in advance", no need to think too much about this.

*Chapter 13.2:

• P1: "It" is refering to the two-dimensional blade from Alicia's body, read the whole thing again, Alicia explained what it is.
• P4: You're right, it should be "other" not "another". I will fix this as:

"Nyar loves you, including that other trait of yours?"
- P6: The whole conversation is talking about Satsuki, since the first sentence Alicia mentioned that her mother hate her body, and Satsuki saw through that. The Japanese raw used 彼女の洞察力, 彼女 = her, 洞察力 = insight => 彼女の洞察力 = her insight. 彼女 is talking about Satsuki, not Alicia's dead mother.

As for the rest, they are grammar-related so we will fix them ASAP.

Once again, thank you for your feedback. Thanks to this that I was able to find other errors that might be overlooked during the editing.

 

[ckckckck]

@ Lambdadelta_Umineko :
Sure I can perfectly understand that proofreading is a lot work in addition to what you are already doing, which is why I suggested getting another person to do it. And preferably a native speaker as LucasHood showed: my comments were also not all correct. The Mangadex Forums have a scanlation recruiting area, maybe you can recruit a proof reader there.

@LucasHood :
Thanks for the detailed response!

• P19: Alicia literally called Carter as "Papa" in the original Japanese.
• P20: He said 二人, which means "those two people".

Ah thanks, interesting to hear that those two points really are already from the mangaka.

• P9: The original Japanese said 四千年後, 後 = after, later. Though I will fix the whole sentence as:

"After 4000 years, he suffered, as the world had no single human being for him to rule over."

I was also wondering about the past tense Nyar is using here. It means he is talking about the fact after it already happened instead of something that will happen in the future. However, considering we are literally talking about a being existing outside of our natural laws.... that might be exactly the point. Cosmic Horror stories always hurt my brain with stuff like that.

By the way, what the heck is "It's as is"?

that's a typo from my side =)

"you can never hope to win someone", please read the sentence again, it's literally said "Doesn’t matter what kind of gibberish you are babbling about, you can never hope to win someone who’s more powerful than you are.".

I think we are talking past each other. You can win [without any preposition] a Prize or win a person over or win against a person. "win someone who is more powerful" would mean they get that powerful person as a prize for something different (e.g. a competition) they did. "win someone over who is more powerful" would mean they argued with that person and convinced them of the speakers opinion or got their approval. "win against someone who is more powerful" means they were more successful than that person in a fight or competition.
If the mangaka indeed wrote and meant it like the first way, same way as someone telling to their lover: "you have won my heart with your beautiful smile", I still think it is strange, but it is what it is.

P9: No no no, you are wrong. The correct translation is stable, not unstable, because Alicia's existence is between gods and humans, hence it created a perfect balance. Also the raw said 安定, it means "stable", not unstable.

Okay, when the mangaka wrote it like "stable" than it is indeed the right way to translate it. The scientist part of me however wants to add that the mangaka is 100% wrong with the stability. Considering that the slightest change will destroy the world, that means it is the exact definition of a labile balance (i.e. slightest change introduced into the system takes it out of the balance forever, opposite of a stable system, where the balance is always reached again after a change is introduced.). But again, mistake on the mangakas side.

*Chapter 12:
- P14: I will fix this as "This can't be happening".

Ah nice Eternal Darkness reference, I approve =D

- P6: The whole conversation is talking about Satsuki, since the first sentence Alicia mentioned that her mother hate her body, and Satsuki saw through that. The Japanese raw used 彼女の洞察力, 彼女 = her, 洞察力 = insight => 彼女の洞察力 = her insight. 彼女 is talking about Satsuki, not Alicia's dead mother.

Ok, but that is what I mean, it might be clear for you through your understanding of the Japanese text. But the English text on its own is not clear. As soon as a second female character is introduced into a sentence with already one female character, "her" is getting ambigous, because without more context the pronoun refers to the last person mentioned. Differing from the literal japanese text is fine in a translation to clarify which person is meant. It improves the translation instead of taking away from it. Writing "I never talked with Satsuki once about ..." clarifies immediately the following part and doesn't change the meaning of the translation.
Example for ambigous sentence: "Satsuki met my dead mother yesterday. She was wearing a grey mantle." It isn't clear who wears the grey mantle, it could refer to Satsuki or to the dead mother since there is no additional context at all. Same case is here.

 

[LucasHood]

I was also wondering about the past tense Nyar is using here. It means he is talking about the fact after it already happened instead of something that will happen in the future. However, considering we are literally talking about a being existing outside of our natural laws.... that might be exactly the point. Cosmic Horror stories always hurt my brain with stuff like that.

Fun fact: Nephren-ka is actually a Pharaoh who worshiped the Outer God Nyarlathotep in Lovecraft's stories, in later versions they often portrayed him as an incarnation of Nyarlathotep as well. The whole thing is basically a reference to Lovecraft's stories, which I changed from future tense to past tense.

I think we are talking past each other. You can win [without any preposition] a Prize or win over a person or win against a person. "win someone who is more powerful" would mean they get that powerful person as a prize for something different (e.g. a competition) they did. "win over someone who is more powerful" would mean they argued with that person and convinced them of the speakers opinion or got their approval. "win against someone who is more powerful" means they were more successful than that person in a fight or competition.
If the mangaka indeed wrote and meant it like the first way, same way as someone telling to their lover: "you have won my heart with your beautiful smile", I still think it is strange, but it is what it is.

Hmm, I think you have a point. I will add "against" then, it will make Dee's dialogue much more sense.

Ok, but that is what I mean, it might be clear for you through your understanding of the Japanese text. But the English text on its own is not clear. As soon as a second female character is introduced into a sentence with already one female character, "her" is getting ambigous, because without more context the pronoun refers to the last person mentioned. Differing from the literal japanese text is fine in a translation to clarify which person is meant. It improves the translation instead of taking away from it. Writing "I never talked with Satsuki once about ..." clarifies immediately the following part and doesn't change the meaning of the translation.

So what is your suggestion?

 

[ckckckck]

Fun fact: Nephren-ka is actually a Pharaoh who worshiped the Outer God Nyarlathotep in Lovecraft's stories, in later versions they often portrayed him as an incarnation of Nyarlathotep as well. The whole thing is basically a reference to Lovecraft's stories, which I changed from future tense to past tense.

Ah interesting, thanks, didn't know the Pharaoh already was in Lovecrafts original works.

So what is your suggestion?

Change "I never talked with her once about ..." to "I never talked with Satsuki once about ..." That will clarify it immediately.

 

[LucasHood]

Ah interesting, thanks, didn't know the Pharaoh already was in Lovecrafts original works.

Change "I never talked with her once about ..." to "I never talked with Satsuki once about ..." That will clarify it immediately.

Sorry for late reply, been busy these days.
Once again, thank you for your feedback. It helps us a lot to improve our translation.