Belladonna’s Lover - Oneshot

[MangaDex]

 

[NekoBuster23]

Missing a word on page 22 I think. Appreciate the TL though. Really enjoy this author and happy to see another yuri work from them and with that tinge of darkness I like in their works. Let’s push it to get a tankoban release!

 

[Amusingkiwi]

Missing a word on page 22 I think. Appreciate the TL though. Really enjoy this author and happy to see another yuri work from them and with that tinge of darkness I like in their works. Let’s push it to get a tankoban release!

Thanks, p22 fixed

 

[758627]

Spoiler

 

[lowarctic]

“How long has it been…”

“It’s already been three days.”

I’m foaming at the mouth she was totally lost after three days 🥺

 

[lowarctic]

Spoiler

could not have picked a less similar work and genre to compare this to lmao

 

[Vainfire]

"The curtains are just blue" and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

I personally loved the little blurb at the end explaining the translator's own interpretation of the story. I thought it was not only cute, it also made me reflect on my own takeaways from the story, and where I differed in my own reading. For example, I wasn't as harsh on the prince, I thought of him more as a take on the himedanshi figure and a reflection on the audience's consumption of the mangaka's art. From a more critical lens, the blurb showed how this translation could have been guided by a particular reading of the original work (which possibly cuts out ambiguity or distorts other possible interpretations). And that is valuable too!

 

[Vainfire]

Also "I don't know how long it's been... it's been forever..."
"It's been three days"

That is just so real. SO real. Applies to all sorts of things too: waiting for a big event, the aftermath of a traumatic experience...

 

[Gustbk]

Beautiful One-shot. I'm very glad for this TL.
Seeing this aimed at a demographic of young girls is very rare I hope it gets the success it deserves.

The art is gorgeous and the prose is sharp.

 

[tranhere]

Thank you for the translation. This was an amazing read

 

[Kuroko_Phantom]

Absolute Cinema
Absolute Masterpiece
I like this too much
It's just KYAAAAAAA

 

[Kirin-kun]

tbh, your translation choices are poor. You just made shit up most of the time. It totally changes the mood of the story.

"You're funny"? When she says that it's flattery or clever. I'd have translated it as "Smooth talker" or smth.

Even the last line is wrong.

君を愛せて幸せだ means "Loving you makes me happy", or "Loving you is my happiness"

Even though the other one is MTL, it's more accurate than this garbage.

I'll take whatever you "translate" with a grain of salt from now on.

 

[Jetsetlemming]

Yikes, that's harsh. For what's it's worth I read both translations back to back and didn't find them particularly different in tone or mood, the only real difference I noticed were the MTL mistakes like with the third bubble on page 43.

I also really appreciated the end notes, it's nice to get a transparent look into the interpretation that inspired the translation choices. Personally, I'll happily take an open and relatively liberal localization like this over a dry overly literal translation and certainly any MTL. Getting the intended meanings of sentences right is important but so is the flow and feel of a piece, and given how different languages work they basically require being more liberal to convey the same truth sometimes. I trust Kiwi here

 

[Kirin-kun]

Yikes, that's harsh. For what's it's worth I read both translations back to back and didn't find them particularly different in tone or mood, the only real difference I noticed were the MTL mistakes like with the third bubble on page 43.

I also really appreciated the end notes, it's nice to get a transparent look into the interpretation that inspired the translation choices. Personally, I'll happily take an open and relatively liberal localization like this over a dry overly literal translation and certainly any MTL. Getting the intended meanings of sentences right is important but so is the flow and feel of a piece, and given how different languages work they basically require being more liberal to convey the same truth sometimes. I trust Kiwi here

Tf. Half of the lines translated in this one are just made up. It's not being "liberal", it's misleading the readers.

Her mother isn't "all she has left". Her mother died from illness too.

She doesn't say "you're funny", but "you flatterer".

Etc, etc...

And the last line is totally wrong. It's the punchline and should carry the emotion of the whole work, but they managed to fuck it up.

Here: "let's live happily together". Actual Japanese: "Loving you is my happiness".

Can you spot the differences in meaning and emotion? This is infuriating.

I can't find any excuse for this "thing".

The MTL is probably a bit "dry" and with a few errors, but it's mostly accurate. This one is wtf and ruins the work.

 

[Amusingkiwi]

Tf. Half of the lines translated in this one are just made up. It's not being "liberal", it's misleading the readers.

Her mother isn't "all she has left". Her mother died from illness too.

She doesn't say "you're funny", but "you flatterer".

Etc, etc...

And the last line is totally wrong. It's the punchline and should carry the emotion of the whole work, but they managed to fuck it up.

Here: "let's live happily together". Actual Japanese: "Loving you is my happiness".

Can you spot the differences in meaning and emotion? This is infuriating.

I can't find any excuse for this "thing".

The MTL is probably a bit "dry" and with a few errors, but it's mostly accurate. This one is wtf and ruins the work.

‘mostly accurate’
Sure, let’s discuss accuracy if that’s what you’re after

P7
‘Do not eat this’ -> original had a whole spiel about using the bread as a rubber. I actually had to do some research to confirm I wasn’t misreading this panel. People used to use stale bread specifically to rub out charcoal markings on paper

p17
‘they thought it was a fruit’ -> they actually baked the fruit seeds into a pie. They didn’t ’think’ it was a fruit, it was a fruit.

p31
‘just kidding’ -> Bella never says this in this panel, only on the page after. Here, she is expressing surprise or disbelief

p33
‘I wonder if Anna’s here yet’ -> this line doesn’t even make sense in context. Bella’s literally in the house, why is she wondering whether Anna’s in the house? Does she think Anna is playing hide and seek?

p36
‘My paintings weren’t bought, I was’ -> Anna never sold herself, she was the product yes, but never went with the man

p43
‘you said you didn’t mind if I drew them’ -> The person talking in this panel is Anna, not the man

p53
‘this unexpected thing I’m feeling’ -> nothing is unexpected

p62
‘if he knows my model is beautiful’ -> doesn’t make sense in context. Prince already knows Bella is beautiful, it’s implied that he’s paying for the experience of meeting her even at this point in the story.

p63
‘you clean up really nice. Like you did for our celebration’ -> original wording is 綺麗にする, referring to Bella, not Bella’s ability to do housework.

p78
‘I knew it. As I thought’ -> Bella never knew that she was being sold. It’s implied that only after the prince had this conversation that she realised Anna’s painting was actually an advertisement for her sale

p80
‘your poison could kill me at any time’ -> he doesn’t make a direct observation here. He remarks ‘君の毒に殺されたっていい’ in JP meaning ‘I wouldn’t mind if I was killed by your poison’

p90
‘you can’t tie down people as full of life as she is’ -> in this panel, the princess never makes any reference to Bella. His line is ‘生きてものを縛ることはできない’, referring to living things in general

p94
‘as long as I can make you happy’ -> Anna in this context is separated from Bella. She can’t ‘make’ her happy anymore because she is literally separated from her

p104
‘ou-‘ -> ??? ou what? Out? Ounce? Outfit? Outside?

p107
‘I don’t want someone to love me’ -> what? So you don’t want Anna to love you? This directly contradicts her next line. It’s ’I don’t want anyone (else) to love me (except you)’

p112
‘dinner’s ready’ -> it’s clearly not nighttime. ご飯 isn’t dinner. 晩ご飯 is dinner

As for ‘making things up’, yes I did do that. Do you know why? Because the original text is written in the style of a fairy tale. And do you know how fairy tales are written? If you go through the prince’s original dialogue, I think I’ve pointed this out, he talks like a literal child. I filled in some of the blanks, the expressions of emotion not directly on the page, to emphasise the emotional impact of the work but also to make my translation more clear.

Oh, and my last line is a reference to subahibi. I like putting intertextual allusions in my translations, I think it adds a nice personal touch, and it perfectly fit the last line in this context. Go read subahibi, and the Tractatus, come back. Only after then, let’s talk about ‘emotional’ impact

 

[Kirin-kun]

As for ‘making things up’, yes I did do that. Do you know why? Because the original text is written in the style of a fairy tale. And do you know how fairy tales are written? If you go through the prince’s original dialogue, I think I’ve pointed this out, he talks like a literal child. I filled in some of the blanks, the expressions of emotion not directly on the page, to emphasise the emotional impact of the work but also to make my translation more clear.

Oh, and my last line is a reference to subahibi. I like putting intertextual allusions in my translations, I think it adds a nice personal touch, and it perfectly fit the last line in this context. Go read subahibi, and the Tractatus, come back. Only after then, let’s talk about ‘emotional’ impact

I never said the MTL was perfect, far from it. But it at least doesn't add a "personal touch" to the translation. You're not the author. No one cares about your references or whatever eroge you've played before.

While it's fine to be liberal sometimes and rephrase stuff so it better conveys the emotion in the original to a foreign audience, adding your own references and "intertextual allusions", that nobody, but you, understands so you then have to add a full page of text to explain why you thought the author didn't do a good job and YOU know better than them, is a huge betrayal of the work you're translating. You can't expect the readers to have played "subahibi" or read "the Tractatus" and follow you in your contrived crossovers. There's a limit to "creative translation" and I think you went way over that limit.

"Loving you is my happiness" is what the author intended. It ties up with and clinches the overarching theme of "finding happiness". The direct object of affection is 君, it's not a general statement about them. It didn't imply the two MCs needed to shack up. Neither of them is going to disappear. The whole work was about how to find happiness and the final answer isn't shacking up, but mutual unwavering love.

I guess you put "You're funny" because she was smiling and you thought the author didn't REALLY mean she felt flattered, but was just amused by the flattery? There are other ways to convey that, like "Vile flatterer" that are more in line with the original and still work better than "You're funny".

And you resurrected the mother for?

You're no professional translator, so you can keep your "personal touch" to yourself and work on conveying the author's intent without being smug about your literary references. Hubris shouldn't get in the way of translation.

By the way, the author is on twitter and speaks English. If someone shows them your "translation" do you think they'll be happy about the "personal touch"? They might be polite on the surface, as Japanese people are, but I bet they'll loathe you on the inside.