Thanks for the tl !
Just one thing, there are some error with your verbs. I've seen it twice I believe. In this chapter at 54% you used "I do saw it" but unless it is an old way of speaking i'm not aware of, I believe it should be "I did see it".
The past simple should be on the do and the main action should be infinitive.
In a previous chapter you made a similar error by conjugating both verbs in past simple.
It might also just be a rereading issue which, if that's the case, you should probably ask someone else to check. It's generally easier for outsider to check the mistake of the writer than the writer itself.
I believe AI can also do a good job at rereading if you have no one, you just need a prompt good enough prompt like "here is a text, write the same thing without changing the form. Just correct any grammar, vocabulary or conjugation error and put the modified part in bold" (it's a very simple example of prompt but you get the idea).
I'm just saying this because I really enjoy the story but these small errors can take you out of it (and sometime even change the understanding of the text for some people)
Aside from these small errors, the tl looks pretty solid to me!