Blood on the Tracks - Vol. 11 Ch. 89 - Everything
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@Aqilos
It's not literally through her eyes. We are about to look at the same situation he was a part of, just for real this time.
Pretty sure that, regardless of Seiichi's own potential insanity, Seiko isn't much better at this point. Though it will be interesting to see how the events are reconciled between the "unreliable" account and objective truth. This technique requires balls to pull off; I really enjoyed how it was handled in Inside Mari.
It's not literally through her eyes. We are about to look at the same situation he was a part of, just for real this time.
Pretty sure that, regardless of Seiichi's own potential insanity, Seiko isn't much better at this point. Though it will be interesting to see how the events are reconciled between the "unreliable" account and objective truth. This technique requires balls to pull off; I really enjoyed how it was handled in Inside Mari.
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Myeah I hope they don't go the "ah yes, the abused kid is the real bad one here" either. Like there's Both Sides and then there's whittling at 'but one side is the abuser though', which the author has portrayed pretty well up until this point. Yes MC is going the demonization-and-discard route because it's easier and he needs to slow down and process but "fuck this person in particular" isn't exactly wrong either. There's no room for them to reconcile here.
I mean... ultimately, Sei is imagining all this, isn't he? It's not like his mother's spirit is somehow talking to him all the way from jail -- this is all in his mind. I don't think we're going to get the "he was the murderer all along!" twist, but simply a heightened perspective on what his mom could've been thinking at that time. After all, during the interview with the detective, Seiji admits that he did notice how he and his mother felt "apart" from the rest of the family, and how this must have bothered her, but he always pretended not to notice that. There were probably many other things that Seiji noticed (like his mom being unhappy with her life, or having been forced into marriage with a man she didn't love), but just pretended not to, playing the part of an "innocent boy", and then putting all blame on his mother.
Not to say HE has anything to be blamed for (ffs, he's a CHILD), but perhaps the rest of the family (dad, etc.) bear part of the blame for pushing mom to the brink.
Not to say HE has anything to be blamed for (ffs, he's a CHILD), but perhaps the rest of the family (dad, etc.) bear part of the blame for pushing mom to the brink.
Hi! Speaking as someone who comes from an abusive parent, this is likely Seiichi struggling to accept that we was right. He was right that his mother was a bad person, on top of the fact that he's uncovered a repressed memory in which is mother tried to kill him.
However, throughout the entire story, she's continously gaslit him. It's to a point where he doubts his own memory. That's his mommy, that's the parent he's spent the most time with, your parents are supposed to protect you. It's hard to accept that you were abused, especially if they never put their hands on you.
But his mother is gone, the threat is gone, right?
So whats the issue?
The issue is that even if the danger is gone, your body is still in survival mode for months or even years after the fact. He's having what I call a 'facts vs feelings' response. His facts, his brain, know that he's okay. His brain knows that mommy is gone and she can't hurt him anymore. Everyone knows what she is now, and people will protect him now, right? He knows he shouldn't love his mother anymore. His feelings or response to the danger being gone are telling him otherwise. His inner voice is now his mother telling him that he isn't good enough.
Seiichi isn't a psychopath, he's an abused child struggling with what he now knows.
However, throughout the entire story, she's continously gaslit him. It's to a point where he doubts his own memory. That's his mommy, that's the parent he's spent the most time with, your parents are supposed to protect you. It's hard to accept that you were abused, especially if they never put their hands on you.
But his mother is gone, the threat is gone, right?
So whats the issue?
The issue is that even if the danger is gone, your body is still in survival mode for months or even years after the fact. He's having what I call a 'facts vs feelings' response. His facts, his brain, know that he's okay. His brain knows that mommy is gone and she can't hurt him anymore. Everyone knows what she is now, and people will protect him now, right? He knows he shouldn't love his mother anymore. His feelings or response to the danger being gone are telling him otherwise. His inner voice is now his mother telling him that he isn't good enough.
Seiichi isn't a psychopath, he's an abused child struggling with what he now knows.
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You son of a bitch, you can't let us hangin' there!!
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god i REALLY hope this doesnt go the route of "seiichi was the psychopath the whoooole time! plot twist!" i just want this kid to be happy
@tealpop Hi! Sorry to intrude - I'm glad you are doing better 
It sounds like you grew up with a narcissist... I hope you have had therapy and properly dealt with your trauma. If not, then please do it. My gf has PTSD (which she is having therapy for, although failed) and she keeps going back to unconsciously finding abusive relationships despite of being aware of the abuse. My mother has a codependant personality, she does the same once she lets her guard down and start trusting the wrong people.
I also feel like this chapter sums up the defense mechanism immature/young men or boys have when feelings are not mutual (which is interesting). There is a projection of ideal/persona that is not real because of a "halo/angel effect" for not accepting a duality in human beings of being simultaneously good/evil or that one is being sold a persona/illusion or a fake hopeful future. I believe this happens to people who have no properly developed a proper ego/self or have had it destroyed/minimized by narcissists/cults/manipulators/addicts/etc. One way of building one's ego is to learn to be alone as instead of having a "shared self" with a group, but also strengthening the ego/self with confidence and self-attained achievements, self-love, learning to be more healthily selfish and/or writing to establish thoughts/feelings - but most importantly, to accept what is and learning to let go of "destructive/unfair" guilt.
In Seiichi's case, his gf was actually helping him build himself up which is why his mother "had to" do what she did.
And yes, he is no position to deal with this on his own. As you stated, there is doubt in him as he has no self/ego to stand on, neither has he had a proper resolution and everytime he experiences anxiety he will take on massive guilt on himself. Normally, people go back to whoever they are dependant of and try to fix things or get a proper resolution - something that they most likely will never get. Same with rape victims unfortunately. Most rape victims go back to get raped again (if they know the person and can't fit the idea of the person actually not being who he/she pretended to be or was supposed to be).
I think you are absolutely right about: "Seiichi isn't a psychopath, he's an abused child struggling with what he now knows." It's pretty hard to accept such a thing. Most people won't/can't.
It sounds like you grew up with a narcissist... I hope you have had therapy and properly dealt with your trauma. If not, then please do it. My gf has PTSD (which she is having therapy for, although failed) and she keeps going back to unconsciously finding abusive relationships despite of being aware of the abuse. My mother has a codependant personality, she does the same once she lets her guard down and start trusting the wrong people. I also feel like this chapter sums up the defense mechanism immature/young men or boys have when feelings are not mutual (which is interesting). There is a projection of ideal/persona that is not real because of a "halo/angel effect" for not accepting a duality in human beings of being simultaneously good/evil or that one is being sold a persona/illusion or a fake hopeful future. I believe this happens to people who have no properly developed a proper ego/self or have had it destroyed/minimized by narcissists/cults/manipulators/addicts/etc. One way of building one's ego is to learn to be alone as instead of having a "shared self" with a group, but also strengthening the ego/self with confidence and self-attained achievements, self-love, learning to be more healthily selfish and/or writing to establish thoughts/feelings - but most importantly, to accept what is and learning to let go of "destructive/unfair" guilt.
In Seiichi's case, his gf was actually helping him build himself up which is why his mother "had to" do what she did.
And yes, he is no position to deal with this on his own. As you stated, there is doubt in him as he has no self/ego to stand on, neither has he had a proper resolution and everytime he experiences anxiety he will take on massive guilt on himself. Normally, people go back to whoever they are dependant of and try to fix things or get a proper resolution - something that they most likely will never get. Same with rape victims unfortunately. Most rape victims go back to get raped again (if they know the person and can't fit the idea of the person actually not being who he/she pretended to be or was supposed to be).
I think you are absolutely right about: "Seiichi isn't a psychopath, he's an abused child struggling with what he now knows." It's pretty hard to accept such a thing. Most people won't/can't.
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I don't think this is going to end happily
