Wow, I'm not even sure what to think of this. On one hand, he's suicidal and feels guilty, forces himself to play a normal, happy kid.
On the other, he's gaslighting the one dude whose life he's directly destroyed.
Actually, there might be a third hand here - he might be trying to actually befriend the dude. Partially out of guilt, partially because he's scared of being chased by thugs again (he doesn't know Ichihashi isn't a thug anymore), partially because that's what Renko would've liked.
Oh, reading any more of this might prove to be soulcrashing. I want.