Danjo-hi 1: 39 No heikō sekai de sumire no sakurasō (sakura sou) wa futsūjanai... - Vol. 1 Ch. 1 - Good Morning, Nee-san!

[MrTurtleMan]

So I guess this is going to be based on the Violet tweets (at least the early chapters)

Page 4: Whichever born are treasure is incorrect, it could be "whichever are born are a treasure" or "whicherver are born are teasured"

Page 5: One of such family should be "one such family"

Page 6: He doesn't have usual common sense should be "he doesn't have the usual common sense"

Page 7: Should be "to a parallel world"

Page 8: "No one in the Satou family"

Page 10: "At the Satou house"

Page 21: "Mom asked me to"

Page 19 and 27: "Nee-san" unless using one e is considered an acceptable anglicisation of it, but you usually see two

Maybe consider asking a friend to proofread your script in future?

Finally, we get to see her schizo posting!

Is it schizo posting if it's true?

 

[MrTurtleMan]

"I called out to you and knocked on the door several times but you didn't respond."

Not commenting on the rest of what you said but on this specific line what was written originally is acceptable, people do say "I called you" when they try to get someone's attention from a different room, the ellipses he put in I took to mean meant he paused talking instead of saying an equivalent of and which is again how people talk irl sometimes, and the rest is just your preference for word choice.