This work is just to level up my writing skill, so please put any mistakes you see in the comments below ^^
Removed an unnecessary comma and switched a couple words around.
I want to be a heroine, desuwa!
heroin -> heroine
However, as the years went by, I started wanting to be a [Hero's Attendant] instead...
Technically the correct form of desire would be something like "I started desiring to be" but it's awkward and no one would say it like that, they'd say they started
wanting to be whatever.
And so, when even being an [Attendant] seemed impossible for me, I stopped talking about it entirely.
Irregular verbs like
to be must be a real pain in the dingus to learn, but you need it for this sentence. Also swapped unreachable for impossible as that was a better fit.
Otou-sama didn't say it clearly, but it seems he asked my little brother to help him find a good marriage partner for me.
Direct translations from Japanese to English tend to throw in an excessive amount of althoughs, howevers, and buts, but English writing doesn't do it quite as much, and it will seem repetitive unless you condense it. I structured this particular sentence to put that in the middle.
In truth, whenever I was on break from bridal lessons, I ended up going to the back yard to train.
Same thing as the previous one; "But" and "in truth" mean the same thing here, so you only need one, and it's incorrect to start a sentence with "But" so I went with the latter. If it was in the middle of a sentence, "but in truth" would be acceptable.
Whew... I'm feeling a little parched, desuwa.
This one is mainly just word choice. She seems to mean she's thirsty, so people would either say they're thirsty or parched, rather than saying their throat is a little dry.
Maybe I'll pick some fruit in the woods.
Tweaked to sound more natural. The original was technically correct, but people would either say "some fruit" or "an [apple/pear/mango/etc.]". In this case, "some fruit" means "a portion of unspecified fruit." In a different context, the same phrase could mean "multiple instances of unspecified fruit." English is weird.
Just a little longer, and Your Highness the Demon Lord will be reborn.
English may not have honorifics in the same way Japanese does, but "Your Highness" is about as close to -sama as you can get. You don't need both.
Should be present tense, as the man she's talking about is still right there in view.
The consul for our Muno family's territory?
Specifying that it's the territory of the Muno family is more natural and precise.
I need to get to the other side of the woods!
Tweaked for grammar and to flow more naturally with the next panel's "to the ruins!"
More natural.
It's only a matter of time.
When implying someone's death is inevitable, this is how they would usually word it.
Ugh... it hurts so much...
There are still so many things I wanted to do!
Keep the whole syllable in there.
You need to manually split the word as "some- one..." so it doesn't show as "someo ne" from the automatic word wrap.
For what reason
do you seek power?
Edited for grammar.
Moving on to the special chapter.
The Consul and a Demon were plotting the destruction of our territory together.
Suddenly a voice came up from my chest. That was my partner, the [Sentient Item: Raka], which I met in the depths of a ruin.
"I'm sorry, Raka-san. I ended up getting a little distracted."
ended up*
I had used his power to leave the castle, and went to the dense forest north of Muno city. At that moment, I was jumping from branch to branch, tree to tree, like the heroes' companions in legends.
Changed to past tense and fixed some grammar mistakes.
[We have been moving at quite a pace for some time now, Karina-dono. Do you know where the Giant's village is?]
Broke it into two sentences and tweaked some word choice/placement and grammar.
"Yes, the village must be at the foot of a huge tree, which seems more like a mountain—or at least that's what the legends say, desuwa. I'm sure that if we keep going deeper into the forest, we'll find it, desuwa!"
This was a good place to use one of my favorite grammatical tools, the dash (U+2014 EM DASH). The dash is a stronger separator than a comma, so it's appropriate for something like this where the second half of the sentence has a different emphasis than the first half.
[Haha, as long as we aren't wandering aimlessly, it's fine.]
Fumu/fufu = haha or heh in English.
Then Raka-san glittered twice, before saying, [Don't forget to be aware of your surroundings.] He went quiet after that.
I broke off the last part into its own sentence. When using brackets as an alternative to quotation marks, remember to apply the same rules.
Continuing through the forest, the trees thinned out, until we finally had to run on the ground.
Good grief, I'm so hungry...
Imagery of the castle's food appeared in my mind.
Replaced
Haa with good grief. It's technically a sigh, but as it's in the narration, there's no good way to rephrase it, so it's best replaced with a remark of frustration. If she wasn't nobility, I'd have put in
jeez or
man as you can actually say those while sighing. "Whew" could also work here, if you preferred.
For the past few years, our meals have been getting simpler and simpler. Bean soup. Potatoes. Soup from vegetables harvested in the mountains. I even remember how tasty the meat was. Bean trees covered the entire yard, and we ate them every day.
You should double check whether she was remembering how tasty the meat was or saying she couldn't even remember it. In times of famine, there's usually less meat to go around.
There were so many beans that my father thought about sharing them with a few people, but Chief Gelt and the gardener admonished him, saying there was no meaning in that. It was fine to give them to Pina and the maids of the castle, but there wasn't enough to put an end to the famine which had devastated the domain.
Good grief, I'm so hungry...
[Wouldn't it be better to ask for provisions from a human village, where your face is known?]
Once again, Raka-san's serene voice came from my bosom. However, I couldn't follow his advice, not when the people were suffering from a lack of food—even if it was necessary to save everyone.
Sacrificing the few for the sake of the many is still wrong, desuwa! That's what I believe.
Good grief, I'm so hungry...
"Maybe I should have picked up that Akebia when I had a chance, desuwa..."
I want to mention now that some Japanese writers seem to
love injecting a pause at the beginning of sentences. In English, these pauses are generally implied, left to the reader's discretion, or described with words, so most of the time an ellipsis at the beginning of a sentence is frowned on, unless it's a formal quote, like in a news article. Having it at the end is more acceptable, but it's easy to overuse.
Why did I forget to either eat something before leaving the castle or bring some kind of preserved food with me? I'm so starved I'm starting to feel dizzy...
"I-it's nothing. I'm just a little dizzy, desuwa..."
Replaced the comma with a short dash.
My hunger was so severe, I was losing strength.
Maybe I just need to rest for a bit...
Lured by a pleasant smell, I opened my eyes to find a boy with black hair, a bit younger than me, looking at my face.
Because of the sudden proximity to someone close to my age and of the opposite sex, I attacked him out of reflex. However, he not only dodged it, he offered me a meal, since I'd collapsed from hunger.
—What a nice smell. This is my first time seeing this kind of plate, desuwa.
Even the ingredients were very different from anything I knew. While I didn't want to eat something that just came out of the fire, I couldn't resist the temptation.
Then, I heard from that boy's own mouth that those mysterious ingredients were in truth, a simple chicken stew.
This is incredible! It's endlessly bursting with flavor!
The taste ran from my mouth to my belly, flooding my whole body with warmth. A long time ago, I drank a magic potion which expelled all illnesses that afflicted me. In the same way, that dish washed away my fatigue and melancholy.
Added the words "with warmth" as that fits the description of the effect it had on her.
The songs of bards about heroes were so eloquent, but my poor vocabulary was insufficient to express how delicious this food was. It was then that I learned something: Delicious food can make people happy.
An Artifact-class magical item known as a [Sentient Item].
One of its functions is a [Strength Aide] which seems able to close a gap of around 15 levels.
Artefact is the British spelling, and I'm an American, god damn it. Also changed the type of magical item to be consistent with what Raka was called earlier.
A magical ingredient capable of changing the elemental attribute of mana.
Usually, people employ it to create magical tools and potions. For example, the [Water Stone] is used to generate an abundance of water.
It's possible to find [Earth Stones] on tall mountains, [Water Stones] near crystalline sources, and [Light Stones] on mountains that get sufficient sunlight.
A colossal tree, similar to the one found at [Trazayuya's Cradle], able to create a barrier protecting the entire valley around the Giant's Forest.
Its fruits are 2 meters in diameter, and are used as food in Little Giant's village.
The shells have different qualities and are processed into a variety of materials.
