This is my reality, except that now, it's too late. I can't get her back. Only after the last moment, the last goodbye, did I realize what I've done. Now it's too late. Maybe if I'd read this manga even a day ago, things would be fine now. Now there is no way of going back to how it was. And it is entirely my fault.
We were friends in school. Knew about each other's existence for 2 years, were friends for 2 more. After 3 more years of a beautiful union, both of us trying so hard to keep our ship afloat, never mind how far away we were, that ship sank yesterday. Maybe she tried harder than I did. I always cared deeply about her, but that didn't translate into my actions. Always came out selfish, always prioritizing my own stuff over hers. And when I realized what had happened, I couldn't reverse it.
The beautiful angel that she was, her goodness, her hugs, her kind words, her love. I never deserved any of it. And yet, if I had the chance to do it all over again, the first thing that comes to mind is not that I'd be better, because I know I can't. I just can't. I'll always hurt her in the end, no matter how hard I try, no matter how it all plays out. If I could do it all over again, I'd reject her proposal right in the beginning. The days we had are priceless. Yes, I'd be stealing those from her and myself. But at least it would spare her the pain that is me.
I know why we really broke up. It's that girl. She is a good person, too. And a good friend. Came into my life half a year ago. And that chain of events, from me saying my first "Hi", has led me here, to a broken person in me, a cheater, and two broken hearts I've caused.
It's a long story, and I wish I had someone to tell it to. This is the only place I see fit. I don't have the energy to post everything here right now. I'll tell it someday. I hope things get better for everyone.
Goodbyes hurt.
