Ok so I have 0% chance, none, nada, rien de rien, but I can't do nothing either.
These feelings are heavy on my heart...
So I need a way to confess without her noticing.
That way, I feel like I did my best, and I avoid the soul destroying rejection.
I was thinking about telling her during a firework when the big boom happens, but I'm scared to mess up the timing, and what if she asks me to repeat?
Or I could tell her on the phone during a storm, so she only understand 1/10 words but we don't have storms here.
I really don't know
Somewhere around elementary school, I secretly gave chewing gum to a girl I liked. Until I gave her a half-eaten pack because I was so hungry. Yes, it was as cringe-worthy as it sounds.
just confess in Morse code by blinking aggressively at her like you’re having a medical emergency. When she asks if you’re okay, whisper “that was I love you” and then immediately fake a coughing fit and leave the room
Or even better write it on a piece of paper, fold it into a paper airplane, throw it at her, miss completely, and let it land near some random person. If she never reads it, technically you “confessed” and can pretend fate intervened.
Okay I was writing an answer about drawing a lot where one slip had the confession and the rest were blank, but I came up with something better.
First, choose a language that you know that she doesn't know. (Like Urdu, Javanese, Tok Pisin, Volapük or something) Translate the confession into that language. (Try not to use an LLM or Google translate. Just keep it simple and reference an online grammar and dictionary.) Then, find an alternative script to write that language in. (Ideally one that doesn't mangle the language too much.) Run that through a cipher of your choice. (Don't choose one that's too strong, though.)
Reverse the resulting text and then split it out into Unicode codepoints, (Here's a good reference site) arranged in sequence. Convert each code point to binary (You should be able to find plenty of Hex to Binary converters online.) Then turn that binary sequence into an image of black (1) and white (1) pixels.
Blow that up ~100 times, then send it to her. Theoretically, she could find it, but honestly if she's putting that much work in to this message then I feel like you've got more of a chance than you think. And, yeah, it's a lot of work for you to make this, but you did ask for the "dumbest way." And the more work you put in, the more "best" you'll feel, I think.
I'll go through an example in the spoiler below, (with a simple phrase) but if you're worried about how "secure" this is, here's the final result:
Try to decode it if you want to test it! The "answer" is at the very top of the spoiler.
Anyways, the phrase is "golden opportunity."
First, we'll put it into Volapük: "pöt goldik."
Now we'll transliterate it into Katakana: ペット・ゴルディック
Next we'll cipher it by shifting each character one over and one down in the kana table: (Keeping the dakuten and small characters the same) モ゜ッナ・ザヱィッセ
Then we reverse it: セッヱザ・ッ゜モ
And convert it to codepoints: 30BB 30C3 30F1 30B6 30FB 30C3 309C 30E2
And binary: 0011000010111011 0011000011000011 0011000011110001 0011000010110110 0011000011111011 0011000011000011 0011000010011100 0011000011100010
And then you finally get to the image above! It's 16 x 8, because each binary number in my example is 16 digits long and there are eight of them. Thus, each one fills up a row, going downward. Depending on how long your method is, using this exact "binary to image" scheme might result in a really badly proportioned shape, so if you need to, you can always put two (or even three) numbers on each row instead of just one. You can also just let it be tall.
Oh, and another step you could try is converting the image into a plain text file. That should be as simple as changing the extension from .png to .txt. Here's an example of that, made from the example above:
And if this specific method of "encryption" is too difficult for you, personally, you can always try coming up with a more feasible method based on your own knowledge. I kind of just based this on stuff I knew about, after all!
>0% chance
>"can't do nothing either"
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also anyone feel free to share your over-under on BaguetteGeneral ending up in this same situation with a separate e-crush 4 months from now
Okay I was writing an answer about drawing a lot where one slip had the confession and the rest were blank, but I came up with something better.
First, choose a language that you know that she doesn't know. (Like Urdu, Javanese, Tok Pisin, Volapük or something) Translate the confession into that language. (Try not to use an LLM or Google translate. Just keep it simple and reference an online grammar and dictionary.) Then, find an alternative script to write that language in. (Ideally one that doesn't mangle the language too much.) Run that through a cipher of your choice. (Don't choose one that's too strong, though.)
Reverse the resulting text and then split it out into Unicode codepoints, (Here's a good reference site) arranged in sequence. Convert each code point to binary (You should be able to find plenty of Hex to Binary converters online.) Then turn that binary sequence into an image of black (1) and white (1) pixels.
Blow that up ~100 times, then send it to her. Theoretically, she could find it, but honestly if she's putting that much work in to this message then I feel like you've got more of a chance than you think. And, yeah, it's a lot of work for you to make this, but you did ask for the "dumbest way." And the more work you put in, the more "best" you'll feel, I think.
I'll go through an example in the spoiler below, (with a simple phrase) but if you're worried about how "secure" this is, here's the final result:
Try to decode it if you want to test it! The "answer" is at the very top of the spoiler.
Anyways, the phrase is "golden opportunity."
First, we'll put it into Volapük: "pöt goldik."
Now we'll transliterate it into Katakana: ペット・ゴルディック
Next we'll cipher it by shifting each character one over and one down in the kana table: (Keeping the dakuten and small characters the same) モ゜ッナ・ザヱィッセ
Then we reverse it: セッヱザ・ッ゜モ
And convert it to codepoints: 30BB 30C3 30F1 30B6 30FB 30C3 309C 30E2
And binary: 0011000010111011 0011000011000011 0011000011110001 0011000010110110 0011000011111011 0011000011000011 0011000010011100 0011000011100010
And then you finally get to the image above! It's 16 x 8, because each binary number in my example is 16 digits long and there are eight of them. Thus, each one fills up a row, going downward. Depending on how long your method is, using this exact "binary to image" scheme might result in a really badly proportioned shape, so if you need to, you can always put two (or even three) numbers on each row instead of just one. You can also just let it be tall.
Oh, and another step you could try is converting the image into a plain text file. That should be as simple as changing the extension from .png to .txt. Here's an example of that, made from the example above:
And if this specific method of "encryption" is too difficult for you, personally, you can always try coming up with a more feasible method based on your own knowledge. I kind of just based this on stuff I knew about, after all!
