Empira's Awakening

[vessalius]

cover man looking like fallen berkut over here

 

[Keimichi]

Is the author reading the comment section?

I just wanted to give some feedback. I don’t think this was terrible story but honestly you lost me on the first chapter, and made me stop at the 6th chapter. I don’t think your idea is necessarily terrible and there were some elements I liked, but I can pin point it down to some things:

5 chapters is pretty long for a prologue because we’re sitting here for 5 full chapters reading about: [ol]1) 2 characters we know nothing about [/ol][ol]2) Which is in return make them two characters I cant get attached to. Sure their interactions was a bit cute, but idk it was also a bit awkward to watch. [/ol][ol]3) A sudden addition of more characters we don’t see the face and know nothing about and yet take all the “screen” time. They are all quirky and yet we can’t identify with them because there’s SO MANY of them, and they are all so “quirky”. I think quirky characters are fun but, have you ever been in a convo where a total stranger started to be all chummy and quirky to you on a thing you were totally not on board with? From an outsider perspective it just feels cringey when they insist they want to involve you in the conversation you are totally not interested in. That’s the feeling I’m getting with these characters.[/ol][ol]4) A lore we don’t really understand that was shown in a confused way. Basically, It’s a bunch of “all-knowing” characters talking to each other where they all understand each other but as the reader, we’re out of the loop. As a reader I feel like such an outsider and, the longer it dragged on, the less I found myself paying attention. This is also what resulted in point 3). [/ol] I think all of it could as well as be condensed into one chapter prologue, or even half a chapter prologue. The action might have been intended to look cool but it honestly had very little meaning and was taking away attention from the main story. Your prologue wasn’t really a self-contained story, but more just like a small event/scene that took a full 5 chapters to happen.

This means that, by the time we are at chapter 6k where the actual characters are introduced, as a reader I was more or less already lost. If chapter 6 was the first chapter, I might have powered thru and read it to see what was going on. However as a sixth chapter, it felt like a lot of reading and I found it hard to continue. I think all of this pretty much explains the “reading oddly” part, and why others seemed to be confused as well. (However, I haven’t read further so I can’t comment on the rest).

Going on the good points though, I think the interaction between the two parents were definitely cute and made them somewhat endearing (Altho I think it could’ve been condensed into less scene which would make it a bit less awkward). I don’t think the art is bad unlike some of the other commenters here, and I think any weirdness with the art/anatomy/proportions/poses will fade as you draw the comic because of practice.

Hope you continue and don’t be discouraged if you get any negative comments. Also kudos for you for your perseverance in comic making (since that’s the hardest part). Good luck!

 

[Avgvstvs]

Ummm. That new ch1 should be ch 19

 

[maisonaustyn]

This is just bad. Normally I try to bring up good points like most of the time concepts are solid but this just sucks. Nothing much else can be said on it.

My opinion is scrape it and restart with proper planning

 

[abvvcx]

Well, everyone starts somewhere. I hope the author can improve in all aspects over time. Story needs serious work, rn the art can't compensate for the story. I don't really know what specific advice to give. tho.