i kinda need something off my chest right now, this has nothing to do with this manga...
i hate myself
i hate how when i start doing something that i drop it as soon as it gets hard and boring
i hate how i want friends but after i moved schools i became hostile towards others
i hate how whenever people talk to me, my tone sounds hostile and malicous despite wanting to talk to them
i hate how scared i am of what others think of me so i just try not to talk to people
i hate how i can never push myself to do anything thats not fun
i hate how when people ask me about my opinion im too scared to say my actual opinion and just say "i dont know"
i hate how i cant talk about what other people like without getting bored
i hate when i blame others impulsively because i feel guilty and cornered
i hate how i feel bad about myself, then feel pathetic because others have it worse
i hate when i feel happy but then realise how pathetic my life is
i hate that i want to change but dont like the process of changing
i hate myself
i write this because i feel better at the thought that people relate and sympathize with me and also in hopes that some others may realise what is happening to them and change unlike me
the thought of maybe saving someone whose life is spiralling downwards
maybe, just maybe you will amount to something in this truly vast and harsh world
please dont destroy yourself because you think you arent worth much anymore
someone cares about you when you dont
escaping to the world of manga, webtoon and manhua isnt any better than neglecting your own life, if it brings you comfort to read cute stuff that is fine, but please dont remember that you have life outside of the comics that should be worth more to you
i write this because i felt horrible and i really needed to vent somewhere but also because the thought of saving someone else from self destructing brings me comfort, it is a purely selfish reason and i shouldnt get any credit if what i said maybe helped you realise that your life was going the wrong way
every person is selfish, most people are just more selfish than others in some way or another, maybe they feel good when they help others, maybe they like money, maybe killing people brings them joy, maybe donating to charity boosts their pride, maybe they help their significant other with dishes/cleaning because they want to be with them because their aura is comforting, maybe they believe in God/Gods because it brings them comfort knowing that they arent just unlucky or lucky but that the God/Gods have some plan for them to be part of
every single being on this earth is selfish, but being selfish isnt always a bad thing, your way of being selfish might help others and those people might become important people meaning you helping them leads to their power in a small way, you are part of the vast amount of people that helped contribute to who that person is today, might have been a small contribution but you contributed either way, right?
you should be proud of who you are and what you accomplish, even if others disagree with you, if your selfishness doesnt hurt others directly its fine
i kinda wrote more than i wanted in the beginning but if this helps people in some way thats fine by me, because im selfish >
