Starting from Chapter 126, Sakura’s inner monologues have all been hidden. It’s not that she has no thoughts; they’ve been deliberately erased, slipping out from under the gaze of the omniscient viewpoint. Very cunning.
That vacuum-like experience of “not knowing what she’s thinking” gave me the motivation to reread everything after Chapter 100, and then the very first one or two chapters as well. I realized that even though only a year had passed, I had already forgotten most of the details about Sakura’s setup. I really had just been layering new memories week by week through the updates, held together only by a faint underlying impression.
Then, following the clues that appeared in the latest chapters and thinking backward, I started wondering why the author would so neatly cut away the heroine’s inner world, when that should clearly be the most interesting part of this kind of story.
Sacrificing the most important direct intuition just to create the effect of a final twist—I don’t know whether that can be called a good idea.
In discussions here and there, I occasionally saw people mention the idea of “disappearance,” which was a perspective I had never considered before. Then, combining that with some timeline clues I’ve recently been paying a lot of attention to—things that look like bugs—I very subjectively imagined a few key inner monologues, trying to escape the sense of losing control brought on by ignorance.
Unfortunately, I don’t like this ending, because if that’s the case, then it’s no longer a romantic comedy. It may leave you thinking about it for a long time, but all that remains are bitter afterimages. This discomfort is even stronger than my earlier doubts about the toxicity of the author’s writing.
After all, that was never why I started reading it in the first place.
Chapter 1
——I finally said it... that I want to become a gravure idol. If I can do it, I’ll be fulfilling my childhood dream, and Shinobu-kun can be proud of me too, right?
Chapter 116
——Shinobu-kun finally said it: he wants to make movies... just like I did back then. This time, it’s my turn to support Shinobu-kun’s dream!
Chapter 125
——Ms. Kyoka invited me to join their major agency... but from now on, I still want to keep working hard together with Shinobu-kun...
——Just now, Shinobu-kun suddenly said he was going to quit being my manager... and focus on making movies... Fumi even said she’d work hard together with him... even though I was the one who was there first...
……
……
——I ran away earlier, but I really do need to talk to him properly, face to face...
……???
——!!!
Chapter 127
——He saw me completely fall apart, and then I ran away like that... After all these years, I still haven’t changed...
——I see... The heroine in Shinobu-kun’s heart hasn’t been me for a long time...
——He said it was because little Fumi was there that he was able to make it this far... Then what am I...?
——Back then, I smiled as I cheered little Fumi on... saying things like I hoped everything would go well with Mr. Director... I was such an idiot...
——Shinobu-kun must still be looking for me. If he finds me, he’ll probably keep apologizing, stop talking about ending our contract, and maybe even completely give up on his dream of making movies. No, if he’s the Shinobu-kun I know, he definitely would. After all, back then, he was the one who set everything aside just to support me with all he had.
——He’d probably draw a clear line between himself and little Fumi too, even though that girl inspires him so much more...
——But if I take one step back here, we’ll just go back to where we were before: the two of us stuck in place, neither of us able to move forward. Even though I’d already made up my mind to support Shinobu-kun’s dream... and stop being the thing that ties him down...
——It’s frustrating, but maybe I really have... without even realizing it, become an obstacle standing in Shinobu-kun’s way.
——So... is this the only way? If realizing both of our “dreams” at the same time means we have to separate, then this time, I’ll be the one to take the first step.
——Nakanishi-kun is a good person too. He sat across from me for almost an hour just now, but he didn’t say a word... If it’s him... if he can erase me from Shinobu-kun’s world...
——Looks like he’s coming back. I can’t keep silent any longer... If I can’t even pull off this much acting... how am I supposed to become an idol?
Chapter 129
——My phone lit up again. I can’t read what it says, but there’s no doubt—he’s the only one who would call. But this time, I’ve made up my mind. I don’t want to be your fallback anymore, Shinobu-kun.
——And...
——Goodbye forever.
Chapter 130
——Was it really this empty here from the very beginning?
——Now none of us can turn back. So I really should give this back to...
……
……
——Sorry, but this one thing—I’m not giving it back to Shinobu-kun!
——!!!
13:45 [We can’t see each other anymore]
——Nakanishi-kun went to see Shinobu-kun. Coming from him, Shinobu-kun is sure to be hurt badly, right? I remember the atmosphere between them was terrible the first time they met. But please, Nakanishi-kun—this time, make absolutely sure he hates me.
Chapter 131 (Several months later)
——If I just secretly saw him for a moment... No! ...I’ve already made up my mind. Hold it together, Sakura Katsuragi, until that day comes...
——Shinobu-kun, do you still hate me? Knowing you, the only person you’re capable of hurting is yourself, right? I’m sorry... But please forgive my selfishness. This is the only way I have left...
——I’ve been working hard all this time, Shinobu-kun. Can you see it? I’ve kept moving forward. You’re about to begin too, aren’t you?
——Shinobu-kun, pull yourself together. Surpass me in your own way... If even you give up on your dream, then what meaning would all my “acting” up to now have had?
Chapter ???
——I met Fumi. That girl really says whatever she wants. But after everything that’s happened, learning all this now is already...
——Ahh~ I really am an idiot. So now, the only dream I can carry is my own... But Shinobu-kun’s half will be all right too, I’m sure. After all, Fumi has been supporting you all this time, desperately... in the place that was supposed to be mine...
……
……
Chapter ???
——I saw your movie, Shinobu-kun. It was wonderful. This is what your dream was supposed to look like, isn’t it? I guess if you keep working hard, it really does come true. Come to think of it, I really wish I had kept working hard alongside you back then—you as the director, and me, as your...
[The End]