Haikei, Arishi Hi ni Saku Hanatachi e - Ch. 19.1

[KuranoKyonshi]

Did it start with Karin's private tutoring she left? Problems at her middle school? At home? Why was Karin so intent on getting into that college? Did she know someone who'd be going there? Did her family go there? We don't know. We'll never* know. It could have been anything or nothing and you'll never know. All it leaves is an emptiness that consumes everything with "why."

In case you'd forgotten who Karin was to Kasumi, it should be clear before the end by her repetition of "dying." 6 times in 8 pages she says it. Enough to stand out in hindsight (foresight?) yet equally enough to be ignored in the present. Because while some things might jump out there's never really signs. It's in our nature to categorize and cleanly assign cause to effect but every now and then tragedy bares just how cold and unpredictable reality is. I'm reminded of this classic PSA.

There's a counter assumption that it's the happy ones, the social givers, the "privately sad clowns." Karin seemed to have fit that. She was socially unreserved and made friends with everyone in no time. She was also anxious about never fitting in when starting cram school late. Was that a sign? Was it simple nerves? Was it just a conversation starter? Maybe it's important to note Karin was the one who first brought up backup schools. Was she having regrets? Hoping Kasumi was the same as her?

You'll never know. You never get to know, and your human nature of seeking answers will eat you alive until you become too numb to think about it. Until every memory of her is steeped in the memory of what she did and not who she was. In Kasumi's memories, Karin isn't her good friend anymore. She's the girl who killed herself. Everything Karin did with her is done by the girl who killed herself. Every little conversation or moment shared is forever swallowed in the shadow of suicide. The girl who stole herself from everyone and maybe it was everyone's fault. You'll never know.

I said *never at the top because it's entirely possible we'll delve into Karin's circumstances. But right now this only seems to be a reminder. An explanation of who Kasumi is and what hangs over her. And I tried not to make too many assumptions but I think Kasumi carries a painful mix of feelings she can't sort because she can't find source or closure for. Maybe guilt, or resentment, or heartbreak on top of all the expected agony of loss.

Once again the visuals are sublime. The encroaching darkness that begins filling panels as Kasumi's stress takes hold. The barriers that go up between them as their struggle comes into view. The abstraction of Karin with every repetition, until it's only her cold stare telling Kasumi what she already knows. The cracking vase and the return of winter's coldness. There's an interesting phrase back in chapter 7 - 'reality and the past crashed over me like a torrent of ice water.' It's that same sensation here of a cold glass of water being dumped out and the once serene glass turning jagged and frantic. The plant it was holding is gone - whatever was blooming from it irrelevant as its nurturing purpose. In memory the glass no longer holds life; it's dominated by cold cruelty.

Part of why I love reading is the ability to dictate your pace. If this were animated, page 21 might be a quick cut of a few seconds. Or it might linger in slow motion. But it still needs to move on at the director's pace to fit a timeslot. In manga you get to stop and take it in. There's a sort of incredulity to the savage composition that braces you for Kasumi's reaction even as you might rather stay on it than turn the page. It's easier staying in the cold detachment than facing the damage.

Thankfully Kasumi found warmth in Haruyo. But I don't think we're done facing the damage yet.

both this chapter and your notes for it are so very incredible. love the series everytime but this chapter was so outstanding

 

[natsuwide]

Man

 

[useless]

Yup, exactly as horrifying and devastating as expected. God are those cram schools and this pressure to perform a plague.
Thanks for the chapter. Please mend our hearts now...............

 

[Jybu]

Damn man...

 

[ErikTheRed]

The east asian pressure to be perfect strikes again...
Made me think of Hao from "A Sun". Seemingly perfect, always positive, and helpful until the day he took his own life. Quoting from the movie "His single mistake was that he jumped from great heights."

 

[RireMakar]

That last panel is so perfectly visceral, but it's the stare on page 18 that will really live with me. It's like, leading up to that, there was static building in my ears, quietly at first but tense all the same. It got louder and louder as the pages progressed, building to a roar, until that page. Those eyes. There's no reflection in those eyes. Not of the world around her, not of the people around her. And the static was gone, in that instant — replaced with silence and the sense of the world tilting. Of the hallway of a nightmare not letting you reach the end no matter how fast you run. Of falling. Of time slowing down. All in silence, right to the end. Only seeing the wail, not hearing it.

Fucking hell. I don't even know what to call that stare. It's not just empty. It's not just dead, either. It's not like it's the stare of a corpse. I don't know how to describe it except as literally, just saying what it is: the eyes of a suicidal soul.

Haunting. Words don't usually fail me in this way. It's just something that one has to feel, I suppose. Words can't do everything.

Luckily, the artwork shows what my words fail to. This manga is the gift that keeps on giving. Thank you for the chapter.

 

[rudezki]

Let's just say this explains a lot of things about her..

 

[zairaner]

If there was one thing to maybe criticise about this manga, then it would have been that these bombshell pages

hadn't really been adressed despite it having been 15 chapters, so it's about time! And fuck was that a harrowing last page. That she did start worrying beforehand and did nothing will forever haunt her.

Kasumi laying in her bed did feel familiar as a setting, but I didn't realize till I reread chapter 4 afterwards that it was literally the setting of chapter 4 as well where we first heard about it and where we are lead to believe kasumi is thinking about what happened.

 

[ARiceofGrain]

If there was one thing to maybe criticise about this manga, then it would have been that these bombshell pages

hadn't really been adressed despite it having been 15 chapters, so it's about time! And fuck was that a harrowing last page. That she did start worrying beforehand and did nothing will forever haunt her.

Kasumi laying in her bed did feel familiar as a setting, but I didn't realize till I reread chapter 4 afterwards that it was literally the setting of chapter 4 as well where we first heard about it and where we are lead to believe kasumi is thinking about what happened.

Oh wow good point. I was led to believe this was the first time her friend was mentioned, but now I wonder if the author meant for us to forget/not think too much about her in the present (like her friend’s “dying” phrases in this chapter), or if the author genuinely forgot to write her in earlier lol.

 

[Helesia]

Thank you for the chapter! Very striking stuff as always, I can't wait for part 2 and how this look to Kasumi's past will connect to the present!

 

[Manquess]

Reading through this chapter there was always the feeling of something really bad coming, then the tone shifting, the dark panels appearing, still could not prepare me for those final pages, it felt so horrible and visceral. Amazing what the author is capable of portraying.

 

[zh0ule]

ok

 

[gmanhunt]

Well, shit

 

[Slogye]

Time to add the tragedy tag

Where I live this happens way too much, its just sad

 

[soggyfrenchfry]

devastating chapter, i know all too well that many children are conditioned to believe that their grades are literally life or death

i'm so completely in love with this author's artstyle, and its flexibility... it's like one page is from a completely different story than another... definitely in my top 10 yuri mangas by now

 

[feignedremoteness]

We finally get to see the shape of what’s been hanging in the background of Kasumi’s life.

I love the way this manga plays with memory……we just saw it a lot in the previous arc, but there’s an interesting repetition in this chapter.
pg 11 -> pg 16 -> pg 20

to me, page 11 and page 20 represent different “memories” of what Karin said, with page 16 as the shaky “wait, what face was she making?” between them. there’s an undercurrent that Kasumi blames herself for “treating it like a joke at the time”, and struggles with being unsure of what tone Karin really did say it in. did Karin play it off as a joke? does Kasumi’s current knowledge recontextualize the past, making her remember little signs that she “should” have picked up on? what face was Karin making when she said that?

I think part of what tortures Kasumi is that kind of past-accounting, trying to figure out how much you can blame yourself for what happened, but you can’t even trust your memory enough to know if it was REALLY your fault!

I think if Karin had gotten into her first choice, Kasumi would have written off the impression of suicidality as merely an embarrassing projection on her part, like “I’m the only one who was feeling that way.” I think that’s how she thought of it initially, “Karin didn’t mean anything by it, but it’s weighing on me.” and that wouldn’t have really been the truth either. she couldn’t have reached out, because even admitting to reading into it that way would have been…admitting to a vulnerability and weakness on her own part, to a friend that she never really had those kinds of discussions with.

 

[KZO]

While I do remember this was mentioned before a long time ago, I wonder how relevant this topic is to the whole main plot of multiple romantic couples? Or maybe someone from the present will remind her of Karin?