Hiiragi-chan to Tomikawa-chan - Ch. 92 - Delicious Donuts

[skywardgem]

What I find most interesting about Igarashi right now is the friend who keeps pointing out how weird she is. Like it's one thing to be in a constant affirmation loop like Tomikawa is or have that one toxic enabling friend, it's another to have someone repeatedly point out the flaws in your logic and still be running headlong into your own fucked up mindset because you have convinced yourself that you're the only one who can fix her.

yeah that's fascinating to me too, wonder what their friendship(?) has been like up to this point if Suzuki can bring herself to bring up that this behavior isn't great but still mostly backs down after a (very dramatic) "Can you shut up?", looking forward to eventually seeing more of that friend group in-between everything with our main duo lol

 

[MURDERBEAR]

At this point it isn't about communication. Tomikawa is so broken, dependent and hates herself so much that even if Hiiragi straight up said everything as it is, Tomikawa would still doubt her.
Hell, couple of chapters back Hiiragi said she would die for Tomikawa and now here they are doubting eachother for something insane like "what kind of donuts are we having?"

Like I said before, Hiiragi seemed like the "biggest problem" when the series started but Tomikawa is WAY worse, she's a walking nuke waiting to happen.

Now I wouldn't say Tomika is "broken" per se. She's traumatized, and abused. But communication isn't just about being direct - it's about getting through to someone. Tomikawa is in a place where explaining things directly can't work because she doesn't want to hear it. But she CAN understand these things - we see this when she lays out her mother's abuse to Hiiragi and when describing it as academic abuse.

Let's remember that Hiiragi saying she would die came after Tomikawa openly threatened to kill herself if she was betrayed again. Even with Hiiragi's word, Tomikawa is still TERRIFIED of making Hiiragi upset or disappointed with her. Again, this all feels very manic bipolar.

yeah that's fascinating to me too, wonder what their friendship(?) has been like up to this point if Suzuki can bring herself to bring up that this behavior isn't great but still mostly backs down after a (very dramatic) "Can you shut up?", looking forward to eventually seeing more of that friend group in-between everything with our main duo lol

I think it's very much a case of "I am friends with this person because I like hanging out with them but I do not approve of what they do here." Like that stoner friend who you hang out with and play Call of Duty but literally anytime he talks about his home life you're like YIKES YIKES YIKES

 

[NotSomeone]

Now I wouldn't say Tomika is "broken" per se. She's traumatized, and abused. But communication isn't just about being direct - it's about getting through to someone. Tomikawa is in a place where explaining things directly can't work because she doesn't want to hear it. But she CAN understand these things - we see this when she lays out her mother's abuse to Hiiragi and when describing it as academic abuse.

Let's remember that Hiiragi saying she would die came after Tomikawa openly threatened to kill herself if she was betrayed again. Even with Hiiragi's word, Tomikawa is still TERRIFIED of making Hiiragi upset or disappointed with her. Again, this all feels very manic bipolar.



I think it's very much a case of "I am friends with this person because I like hanging out with them but I do not approve of what they do here." Like that stoner friend who you hang out with and play Call of Duty but literally anytime he talks about his home life you're like YIKES YIKES YIKES

There's no way to get through someone like Tomikawa. There's no ammount of communication skills that could do it. It's not that she doesn't want to hear it, is that she can't believe it. Telling someone so deep in the pit that you care and love them is the same as telling them the sky is red. The ideas of being worhtless and not deserving of love are calcified within her, they are absolute truths built on many, many years of abuse that came from outside and inside.
The fact that she understands where this came from doesn't mean much because she still can't see how that affects her choices.
It shows in her inner monologue, she doesn't notice how vile her plan of instilling fear on Hiiragi so that she doesn't leave really is. She goes back to the Donuts, and not Hiiragi, and acts on fear of losing the affection Hiiragi provides and not Hiiragi herself.

 

[MURDERBEAR]

There's no way to get through someone like Tomikawa. There's no ammount of communication skills that could do it. It's not that she doesn't want to hear it, is that she can't believe it. Telling someone so deep in the pit that you care and love them is the same as telling them the sky is red. The ideas of being worhtless and not deserving of love are calcified within her, they are absolute truths built on many, many years of abuse that came from outside and inside.
The fact that she understands where this came from doesn't mean much because she still can't see how that affects her choices.
It shows in her inner monologue, she doesn't notice how vile her plan of instilling fear on Hiiragi so that she doesn't leave really is. She goes back to the Donuts, and not Hiiragi, and acts on fear of losing the affection Hiiragi provides and not Hiiragi herself.

I feeeeeeeel like you might be projecting somewhat

 

[asbyth]

secret surprise test that you cant tell others about? Very Scary.

 

[mimuro]

Extreme pessimism and anxiety is such a fucked up combo

 

[MURDERBEAR]

Side detail I love in this chapter is that the girl who snitches on Tomikawa to Igarashi has, if I'm understanding this ui correctly, over 99 other chats going on in her SMS.

The power of of a high school girl's social network is not to be underestimated.

 

[khangpeter]

Open new chapter
Wonder if this will be a fun or doom chapter
22 pages
Color still hasn't filled in

WTF?! MOTHER, I'M SCARED.

 

[Magatsu-no-Imouto]

uah, she's really spiraling...

 

[SnekGurl]

There's no way to get through someone like Tomikawa. There's no ammount of communication skills that could do it. It's not that she doesn't want to hear it, is that she can't believe it. Telling someone so deep in the pit that you care and love them is the same as telling them the sky is red. The ideas of being worhtless and not deserving of love are calcified within her, they are absolute truths built on many, many years of abuse that came from outside and inside.
The fact that she understands where this came from doesn't mean much because she still can't see how that affects her choices.
It shows in her inner monologue, she doesn't notice how vile her plan of instilling fear on Hiiragi so that she doesn't leave really is. She goes back to the Donuts, and not Hiiragi, and acts on fear of losing the affection Hiiragi provides and not Hiiragi herself.

Tomikawa has had this belief system enforced on her for likely many years. It is very ingrained into her, so there is no one thing someone could say that could change that. At the most, it'll offer a temporary release, but that doesn't mean it's not helping. These kinds of toxic and self destructive belief systems can't be solved so easily. It requires time, work, and consistent support to slowly heal from the past. She's not to far gone and I'll be rooting for her

 

[krypt1c]

I feeeeeeeel like you might be projecting somewhat

But there is some truth in the idea that tomikawa needs more than just communication to have a healthy relationship/friendship. She needs professional psychological help, otherwise she will fall into the same habits of doubting herself because of her deeply rooted insecurities - regardless of how much affirmation you give her in the moment. As the previous comment says, it will take time to overcome and I expect many ups and downs in the future, but I believe they will make it together in the end <3

 

[MURDERBEAR]

But there is some truth in the idea that tomikawa needs more than just communication to have a healthy relationship/friendship. She needs professional psychological help, otherwise she will fall into the same habits of doubting herself because of her deeply rooted insecurities - regardless of how much affirmation you give her in the moment. As the previous comment says, it will take time to overcome and I expect many ups and downs in the future, but I believe they will make it together in the end <3

Oh absolutely, no question about that. But speaking from personal experience, you gotta get through to someone that they need help/need to seek out professional help before that help can even start. That's where functional communication comes in - just telling someone "seek therapy" will just push them further into their coping mechanisms.

As for Tomikawa, as I and others have pointed out she seems likely to have some level of bipolar. In that instance it's not just how you communicate but WHEN you communicate. When someone is manic as Tomikawa currently is, they don't want to hear shit to bring them down. That's kinda what happened last time when Hiiragi told her to stop seeing Igarashi. She spiraled, crashed, and immediately went to threatening to kill herself. But you can absolutely get through to people when they're not in such a manic state. Same thing happens with friends who have BPD.

Do I think Hiiragi has the chops to effectively manage that? Without delving into spoilers... no. She can barely string a sentence together at the best of times and doomspirals at the slightest thing. But again, this comes back to my earlier point; they're traumatized 15-year-olds. At some point they will require the help of an adult they can trust.

All to say Inuyama-Sensei please let Ookami and Komori save them :v

Tomikawa has had this belief system enforced on her for likely many years. It is very ingrained into her, so there is no one thing someone could say that could change that. At the most, it'll offer a temporary release, but that doesn't mean it's not helping. These kinds of toxic and self destructive belief systems can't be solved so easily. It requires time, work, and consistent support to slowly heal from the past. She's not to far gone and I'll be rooting for her

This. It's like cult deprogramming. When you've lived your whole life believing something fundamentally untrue, your brain won't accept it even when presented with explicit evidence to the contrary. Tomikawa can't believe she can trust Hiiragi, even after the suicide pact, because she's been raised to believe everyone will abandon her if she's not perfect.

The road ahead for these two is long and hard, but recovery is far from impossible.

 

[Gustbk]

I love the detail that not every character is insane… that friend of Igarashi is the most level headed character in the story.

I guess Tomikawa just attracts troubled people.

 

[frosti3]

my flabbers have been properly gasted

 

[Lucky]

Hey guys! Thanks for following this story up to now!
While this is the end for the volumes, Inuyama-sensei is still updating the story on her twitter/X.
Check it out here!

While the chapter advertised the compilation of Hiiragi and Tomikawa's pasts, it's not on sale anymore (and I have no idea where you can get it, if at all).

But, if the fanbox teasers enticed you, and you want more you can find them here!

Again, thanks for reading and I hope you can show some love to the author.

Would it be possible to translate the fanbox exclusives, and have the author distribute them?
I've seen it happen for other pixiv comics, and I'm really curious...!!

 

[MURDERBEAR]

Sensei please, I'm scared

Ed: Rough gist, she's taking extra long with the next chapter because it contains some "shocking scenes" that she wants to get right.

 

[TangerineTLs]

Would it be possible to translate the fanbox exclusives, and have the author distribute them?
I've seen it happen for other pixiv comics, and I'm really curious...!!

I mean, I guess?
I don't think Inuyama-sensei is aware that there's a small following outside of japan for this series, though.

 

[Jybu]

Ty for all your work and the chapters! This one has been fun so far~

 

[TrashRatMo]

Thank you so much for all your hard work, Tangerine! This has been such a lovely series to follow.

 

[NotSomeone]

I feeeeeeeel like you might be projecting somewhat

Maybe, but I didn't make any assumption without observation.
What I am describing is just how maladaptive schemas come to be.
Negative experiences pass through maladaptive interpretation, are ruminated upon, generalized and finally turn into negative schemas, calcifying themselves and becoming resistant to disconfirmation.
But no one cares about all that jargon.