I'm so happy to see this picked back up!!! There a couple grammatical errors (largely in terms of tense or whether it's singular or plural) but overall a good translation. Ty for your work!
Serious grammar fuck ups, poorly aligned text in the balloons, awful font choice. Don't need to read more than the first page of this "translation".
Don't translate into a language in which you're not a native speaker without an editor who is. It. Never. Works. You will make obvious, easily corrected errors that will annoy readers.
Learn how to typeset. You don't know how and it shows.
Don't use serif fonts. In comics, they're really ugly and don't fit the medium except in very specific situations.
Please don't discourage them. Just tell them what needs to be fixed. If you're not happy with this one, then don't read it and wait for other groups to translate it. Or maybe you can help them with the proofread and typeset.