Well I gave it a try, but...no offense, but this is really not good.
The art is one problem, but the writing is an even bigger one. It feels like the person who wrote it has absolutely no experience in writing a story. I'm not sure if you're trying to use the site to gain some traction for your series, but it seems like you need more practice first. I don't know what the site rules for original works are, but this feels really out of place here.