Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2019
- Messages
- 1,449
@fadreus I tried sending this to you as a private message but when I clicked send it got stuck on sending, so I don't know if you got it. Just in case here the's corrections:
Sorry I didn't get these to you sooner, I kept forgetting to do it. Feel free to ignore them if it's too late. Changes in italics.
I'm willing to help proofread going forward, because I really love this series. I used to edit for the fansub group ColorMeSubbed (among other things), so I have practice at it and I'm a native English speaker. How would you prefer to communicate? I have Discord if you use that, I'm also on IRC.
I really hope I didn't screw up any formatting on this. I previewed it on a forum that uses bbcode, but they didn't support the horizontal rules.
Page 1: Did Flare and Muu wake up already?
I already woke up
Page 2: bathe -> bath on -> in
Page 3: Nursery school... you said? This would sound better as: What's a... nursery school?
Yeah, you see a nursery school
various experiences and play together
forming "contracts" with us
Page 4: It's likewhat you said, that was the thought of the people who built this nursery school
Seeing unknown thingsaround together
I want to create
Surely they will become a treasure in your lives
Page 5: It's okay to not form a contract
If you don't feel like having fun or don't like it, it's okay to say goodbye
Please think about it carefully
Page 6: forming a contract
You should add a this to the end of the "definitely there is" box, break it up however you like. also definitely is misspelled.
Page 7: hear what they say
Occhan always smiles
You have a * after nikoniko but I don't see a translation note anywhere for it
and always plays with us!
Really what kind of play?
This sentence is confusing, "Ability to make foodie Muu growling ..... it's quite feasible" Is this perhaps, "The ability to make foodie Muu's stomach growl"? Or "The ability to make foodie Muu's stomach stop growling"? Since he fed her until she was satisfied? Either way, the last part should be "That's feasible"
But on the other hand, his feet smell weird!
Is that supposed to be gentle instead of gantle? If it's a made-up word don't change it.
Rearrange this sentence: I see, he's quite a mysterious person .....
Page 8: Change this sentence around and reword it a bit: "You're asking ..... what I think of Oliver?"
That guy is
I knew it, just as I expected!
Page 9: old-man should be old man
with stubble on his face (stubble was misspelled, so don't just copy what's there)
I'm not sure what "covered with bed hairs" means here, but if she's referring to his messy hair, it should be "always has bed hair"
his hunched back makes him lame
despite being an adventurer for a long time, he has little spirit
"delicate person" doesn't make sense here, I'd be expecting Marine to say something more like he's a bum. If you want to check the translation and get back to me, I'll be happy to proof any changes.
Another thing is how he meddles with his cooking. (The meddles part doesn't make sense, is she saying he spends too much time on his cooking? If so then go with Another thing is how much time he spends on his cooking.)
He prioritizes other people too much, instead of taking care of himself
It irritates me that he's especially good
andwith other things too, he can do just about anything (She's saying he's good at pretty much everything he does, cooking, cleaning, building, whatever)
In Marine's second square box: "Somehow this is different from what I thought....."
Page 10: but he's always smiling
He doesn't actually seem to be a
Or he's just acting nice in front of
If that's how it is .....
Sorry I didn't get these to you sooner, I kept forgetting to do it. Feel free to ignore them if it's too late. Changes in italics.
I'm willing to help proofread going forward, because I really love this series. I used to edit for the fansub group ColorMeSubbed (among other things), so I have practice at it and I'm a native English speaker. How would you prefer to communicate? I have Discord if you use that, I'm also on IRC.
I really hope I didn't screw up any formatting on this. I previewed it on a forum that uses bbcode, but they didn't support the horizontal rules.
Page 1: Did Flare and Muu wake up already?
I already woke up
Page 2: bathe -> bath on -> in
Page 3: Nursery school... you said? This would sound better as: What's a... nursery school?
Yeah, you see a nursery school
various experiences and play together
forming "contracts" with us
Page 4: It's like
Seeing unknown things
I want to create
Surely they will become a treasure in your lives
Page 5: It's okay to not form a contract
If you don't feel like having fun or don't like it, it's okay to say goodbye
Please think about it carefully
Page 6: forming a contract
You should add a this to the end of the "definitely there is" box, break it up however you like. also definitely is misspelled.
Page 7: hear what they say
Occhan always smiles
You have a * after nikoniko but I don't see a translation note anywhere for it
and always plays with us!
Really what kind of play?
This sentence is confusing, "Ability to make foodie Muu growling ..... it's quite feasible" Is this perhaps, "The ability to make foodie Muu's stomach growl"? Or "The ability to make foodie Muu's stomach stop growling"? Since he fed her until she was satisfied? Either way, the last part should be "That's feasible"
But on the other hand, his feet smell weird!
Is that supposed to be gentle instead of gantle? If it's a made-up word don't change it.
Rearrange this sentence: I see, he's quite a mysterious person .....
Page 8: Change this sentence around and reword it a bit: "You're asking ..... what I think of Oliver?"
That guy is
I knew it, just as I expected!
Page 9: old-man should be old man
with stubble on his face (stubble was misspelled, so don't just copy what's there)
I'm not sure what "covered with bed hairs" means here, but if she's referring to his messy hair, it should be "always has bed hair"
his hunched back makes him lame
despite being an adventurer for a long time, he has little spirit
"delicate person" doesn't make sense here, I'd be expecting Marine to say something more like he's a bum. If you want to check the translation and get back to me, I'll be happy to proof any changes.
Another thing is how he meddles with his cooking. (The meddles part doesn't make sense, is she saying he spends too much time on his cooking? If so then go with Another thing is how much time he spends on his cooking.)
He prioritizes other people too much, instead of taking care of himself
It irritates me that he's especially good
and
In Marine's second square box: "Somehow this is different from what I thought....."
Page 10: but he's always smiling
He doesn't actually seem to be a
Or he's just acting nice in front of
If that's how it is .....
