Maybe look into non-combat positions for a conscientious objector? Not all who serve end up on the front lines and there is always a need for supply, office workers, cooks, and the like. Accept the training as something towards building skills of various types. Physical strength, team work, technology, etc.
Serving your country in the military is never easy, and will most certainly change you in many ways. Understand that while things won't be the same for you after, you don't have to give up everything you are because of it.
I know someone who was looking to go into EOD and had zero plans to live to 30, preferring to die young. Things didn't go that route, they saw things that really strained their ability to cope, seriously considered self-end, and was drinking like crazy to cope. They fortunately had family and friends who helped them and backed them getting professional help. They re-upped their enlistment and have worked up to being an Officer now, planning on doing their 20years and maybe more.
OF course it depends on the military, but sometimes you can find yourself in life by doing something you lose yourself in. Perspective requires experience, not all of which is good.
I wish you well on your journey, friend.