Imasara desu ga, Osananajimi o Suki ni Natte Shimaimashita - Ch. 42 - The Uprising of the Nosey Girls

[HellJester]

As someone who don't actually hate any characters unlike vast majority here, it's completely understandable that he is way more concerned about Yami than Hikari. Hikari has a perfectly solid social and home environment she can fall back on. She will get over it eventually. Yuu looks like he has more or less given up and completely focused on Yami's actual well being who has none of those and a history of self destructive behavior. He doesn't want to make things worse for her with these two girls who are seemingly friends with both. That's why he asked why were they here for. Only for Hikari or both? If they were just there to shout at him on Hikari's behalf, i'm sure he would just tell them to fuck off and mind their own business. Bu he is trying to provide Ayami at least a safety net in form of friends.

If anything, it is a way more mature approach than still worrying about Hikari in a romantic light. I can easily see what he means when he goes "she will be fine". Because she will be considering she never had to deal with a rapist at home and can process her feelings in peace. But he could be awarded nobel piece prize and i'm sure most people here would still shit on him. It's fascinating to witness biases at work completely blocking any objectivity which is a massive handicap in any kind of media consumption

I mentioned this in a previous post but I believe that Yuu is treating Hikari like a glass child. Yami is the sick child and Hikari is the healthy child (glass child) and Yuu is the parent focusing all his attention on the sick child as they need it more than the healthy child. In situations like this the parents usually, mistakenly, assume that the healthy child does not need attention because everything seems fine. Meanwhile, the healthy child usually feels neglected and overlooked. In extreme cases the glass child cuts contact with the parents once they become an adult.

So Yuu is focusing his attention on Yami as he feels Hikari will be alright. There's a chance she might be and there's also a chance that she could use some attention too that she hasn't gotten so far.

I feel this is yet another example of Yuu putting Hikari on a pedestal. It seems like a lot of people in Hikari's life elevate her to a level that seems super human. It's gotten to a point where I wonder if Yuu actually sees Hikari as she is or as she exists in his mind. I really hope him sidelining Hikari to instead focus on Yami doesn't come back to bite him in the ass.

 

[HellJester]

Mangadex kept temporarily banning me - not sure why. Just in case I'm breaking down my massive post into multiple ones....sorry.

It's very frustrating because we've been given almost nothing in regards to Yuu's POV when it comes to his interactions with Yami. We got a snippet in Yuu's POV Chapter 4 of Yuu and Yami the first time they had sex and then a snippet of right after Yami ghosting Yuu. We also get a few lines from Yuu's POV after Hikari pushes him to the ground during the confession. Other than that, we're flying blind as to what Yuu is thinking when interacting with Yami and Hikari in the present.

We have little to no insight as to how Yuu interprets Yami's actions at any point in their relationship. Case in point for Yuu's POV Chapter 4:

Yami: “Yeah… I’ll keep being your convenient woman, always.”

Yami is saying this teasingly/sarcastically (and a bit honestly as at this point she's assuming Yuu is just using her for sex) and we have zero internal response from Yuu so we have zero clue as to whether or not he took that statement at face value or was emotionally savvy enough to read the subtext.

Other important instances such as Yuu overhearing Yami's parents fighting in the background of a phone call and just accepting her explanation do not show us if Yuu is accepting her response at face value or is able to read between the lines and is just choosing not to say anything.

What we do get from Yuu (in Chapter 4 of his POV) is this:

I still have no idea what I did to touch Yami-senpai’s nerve.
And at this point, finding out what circumstances or changes of heart she might have had would be nearly impossible.

From autumn through winter, after we lost contact, I kept turning it over in my mind.

Day after day, I replayed every single word I’d ever said to her.
I dragged up every word, every reaction, every expression she’d ever shown me, from the depths of my memory.

And that only made the sadness and longing worse.

Because, in my memories, Yami-senpai had always been into it.
She had always responded to me.

When we talked, she’d smile at me.
When she teased me, she’d smile even more.

Was all of that… just my misunderstanding?
Are they telling me it was all just her “skilled” acting?

But for what purpose…?
I just couldn’t figure it out.

So he's gone over his six month relationship with Yami and per his own words he has no idea what he did to make her ghost him. Every interaction combed over and to him it seemed like Yami was into him. From his text above, you can see that he was taking what she said at face value as he says "Yami-senpai had always been into it." I believe it's reasonable to infer from this that Yuu was not reading between the lines when Yami said things to him.

 

[HellJester]

All that said, here we go:

Even if he believed her at that point, her further actions clearly told it was a lie.

Her further actions were to bring up all the ways she felt Yuu failed her by not chasing after her and then slapping him and finally kissing him leaving him in a bewildered state. We have no Yuu POV for this so we cannot ascertain 100% if Yuu took everything Yami said in Chapter 40 as the truth or was able to read between the lines and determine that she was lying. Based on the POV I mentioned above, I feel it's more reasonable that Yuu would take everything Yami says in Chapter 40 as the truth.

I mean, she is definitely being unfair, but that's not what I'd call verbal attack or heinous words. That was an emotional outburst with feelings pouring out, where she shows she cared a lot and still cares deeply about him, though in a very unfair way.
Of course I'm talking about it as an observer and it might've sounded harsher for him at that moment. But instead of insults or disparagement, what he’s facing is just a stream of frustrated feelings.

I don't want to quibble over semantics. Obviously, we both have different interpretations as to the severity of the words that Yami is using in Chapter 40. We can at least agree that she's being unfair.

Do you really believe this? Did it really sound like a calculated speech, which was meant to hurt him and sabotage his chances with Hikari? Just reread the chapter you're quoting, it couldn't be more transparent about how much of it was intentional.

So I went back and re-read the novelization of Chapters 39 and 40 to see if my belief that some or all of what Yami did in that classroom was an attempt to sabotage Yuu's chances with Hikari. Here's what I'm thinking:

Even amid the noisy festival crowds, there was one place with almost no foot traffic: the staff-only women’s restroom on the first floor.
Inside one of the stalls, I sat curled up, hugging my knees, desperately trying to erase my presence.

There’s no way he’d find me.
There’s no reason Yuu, that guy, would ever come here.

And yet... I can’t believe Hikari actually brought Yuu to the school festival.
Or rather, that Yuu himself just casually showed up to our school festival.
To this school—where I “might” be.

The moment I spotted him in line outside our classroom, waiting to get in, there was no way I could’ve expressed what I felt in under 100 characters.
If that were a modern Japanese exam question, I’d get a zero.

Seriously, how dumb am I?
Of course Hikari’s boyfriend might come to the school festival—that’s totally possible.
So why didn’t I realize that and just skip?

…No. That’s not it.
Why didn’t I skip… even though I had realized it?

So we get the following facts: Yami saw Yuu and went to hide in a place where there's pretty much a 0% chance he'd find her. She at first can't believe Hikari would bring Yuu and that Yuu would come and then backtracks and says she realizes that of course Yuu would come. Finally, she reflects on why she didn't skip even though she realized Yuu was going to be there. I believe this last part is the start of Yami calculating - what, exactly she's calculating I'm not fully sure of yet but it's obvious that some part of her wanted to be at the festival even though she knew Yuu was going to be there.

I checked my phone. It was already past 4 p.m.
LINE was full of worried and exasperated messages from Haru and Yuki, all sounding desperate in their own way.

Seeing those messages, all the strength drained from my body.
Whether that was because I felt relieved or something else entirely—I couldn’t say.

Either way, Yuu wasn’t in the classroom anymore.
No more reason to panic. No more reason to run.

Yami: "Sorry, I felt awful today. I’ve been resting this whole time."
Haru(?): "Then you should’ve told us! I would’ve brought you medicine!"
Yuki(?): "You okay, Aya-chin? Want me to walk you home~?"
Yami: "Thanks. I’m totally fine now. Heading back now."

I used my go-to lies to smooth things over with my friends.
Just for a second, the “bad girl me” from a year ago poked her head out.

But something this small is fine, right?
It’s just a little trick for keeping friendships running smoothly.

Time to go back to the classroom.
Back to that place where my precious friends are waiting.

…Back to a place where Yuu no longer is.
A place where no one gets hurt.

So now Yami believes Yuu and Hikari have left for the dance and there's no danger that Yuu is in the classroom. I added the part where she lies to her friends and even calls herself on it to showcase that Yami is still capable of manipulating those around her.

About thirty minutes had passed.
I was in a dim, empty classroom, cleaning up after today’s class attraction—the maid café.

…Not that there was much to do.
Just tossing leftover food and drinks, washing a few cups.
The real cleanup was scheduled for tomorrow, with everyone helping out.

Sure, part of the reason I volunteered to do this was to make up for skipping my shift this afternoon…
But more than that, I just didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.
Didn’t want to walk home with anyone.
Didn’t want to feel the lingering heat of the school festival.

So Yami has made her way to the classroom. She mentions there's not much to do and that the real cleanup is scheduled for the next day. She admits that the reason she's in the classroom is to make up for skipping her shift and to be alone. However, it's not necessary for her to cleanup now as that will be done the next day and if she truly wanted to be alone she could have stayed in the staff restroom. Yami might be telling herself one thing but it can be inferred that she means to be in that classroom for another purpose as her reasonings are not very sound.

Hikari said she was meeting up with her boyfriend now.
Haru and Yuki were all excited, saying that if they met up successfully, she’d confess to him at the afterparty dance.

Would she confess?

“…Yeah. She will.”

Whether she confesses or not isn’t for me to decide.
But inside, I’ve already decided she will.
And that it’ll go well.

Otherwise… I won’t be able to take it.

Yami still believes that Hikari and Yuu are together. She believes Hikari is going to be the one to confess to Yuu and that the confession will go well.

I wish someone would come.
I wish someone would help me.

That’s what I was thinking, right when…

Yuu: "Heyyy, Hikari—are you still not done cleanin—huh?"

"...Ah."

Sudo Ayami.
Liar.
Chronic slacker.
Spineless idiot.

And right now, I’ve run into the one person I absolutely shouldn’t have.

Finally, we get Yami wishing someone would come (you could interpret this literally as her wanting help with the cleanup but I prefer to interpret this metaphorically that she wants someone to help her deal with her feelings about Hikari confessing to Yuu). She also admits that running into Yuu is the one thing that shouldn't have happened.

So in Chapter 39 we get the following from Yami:
1) She realizes she knew Yuu was going to be at the festival and wonders why she didn't skip.
2) She tells herself she's going to the classroom to make up for skipping her shift and to be alone when it's known that the real cleanup is happening the next day and it's not necessary for her to be in the classroom and if she truly wanted to be alone she could have stayed in the staff restroom until the festival was over.
3) She wants someone to come.

So, at least regarding Chapter 39, I feel it's safe to say that Yami didn't have fully realized intentions of sabotaging anything. There were stirs of it in her admitting that she should have skipped the festival and her reasonings for moving from a very safe place to the classroom are flimsy but there's still not enough there to damn her I think.

 

[HellJester]

On to Chapter 40.

I looked like I might start crying at any moment too.

It’s been a year since we broke up without even saying goodbye.
A year since I cut off contact without warning.
A year since I dumped him without giving any reason.

Even though I was the one who treated him so horribly, so one-sidedly…
Why is it, why is it that all these intense feelings are bubbling up now?
Why do I find myself wanting to run to him and throw myself into his arms?

So Yami admits to herself that she still has feelings for Yuu and wants to run into his arms. Keep in mind she's already acknowledged to herself a chapter ago that she knows Hikari's plan is to confess to Yuu and that she believes it will go well.

Yuu: “What? Why? Isn’t this… Hikari’s classroom…?”
Yami: “…”

But—
The moment that name, Hikari, came up…

My face twisted into a full-blown, sarcastic grin.

Yami: “…It’s been a while, Taa-kun…?”
Yuu: “Huh…?”

Teasing that openly confused look on Yuu’s face—
And as if trying to swallow the words:
Yami: "That’s your first reaction to seeing me again after all this time?!"

So, she's angry that the first thing Yuu does is mention Hikari.

Yuu: “I was seriously worried, you know. When you suddenly stopped contacting me a year ago…”
Yami: “Well, I got bored. Of you, Yuu.”
Yuu: “…I… I see…”
Yami: “Exactly. So drop it already.”
Yuu: “Y-yeah. Got it. Sorry.”
Yami: “…”

Don’t believe that so easily, you idiot.
Don’t act all hurt on your own, you idiot.
Is that really what you think I’m like?
Or are you just trying to believe what’s easiest to accept?

Yuu: “S-speaking of which… if you’re back in school, then your parents…”
Yami: “Ahh, if you mean my dad, that’s all been dealt with… That side of things is fine now.”
Yuu: “I see… that’s good.”

Good? No, it’s not.
Pick up on the nuance, for once.
My mom’s issues are still completely unresolved.
Why is it that Yuu always lets go of my hand at the most important moments? Idiot.

She's berating Yuu for not reading between the lines when (as far as we can tell given the minimal Yuu POVs - he's shown no indication of ever reading between the lines). She even says "Pick up on the nuance, for once" which implies that previously, Yuu had not ever picked up on any nuance Yami was giving. She's thinking Yuu always lets go at the most important moments. This is a key phrase that I'll bring up later.

Yami: “So, what about you? How have you been lately?”
Yuu: “Me? Nothing much has changed.”
Yami: “Well, your girlfriend has.”
Yuu: “We’re not exactly dating yet…”
Yami: “Yet, huh…”
Yuu: “N-no, uh… Let’s just drop this topic too, okay?”

Why?
Why can’t I ask, Yuu?
Do you seriously think I don’t care anymore?

Do you really expect me to smile and say,
‘I’m rooting for you and Hikari, as your friend~’?

…What the hell, me.
My head’s a mess, bouncing all over the place.
This is my first time talking to Yuu in a year, and my words and thoughts are completely out of sync.

She gets mad again when the topic of Hikari comes up. She gets mad when Yuu doesn't want to talk about Hikari. She's getting mad at the thought that she thinks Yuu expects her to root for him and Hikari when he hasn't even said anything about that. She's making up reasons in her head to get angry when just one chapter ago she was telling herself that Hikari was going to confess to Yuu and it would turn out well. Seems to me like she's not buying what she's trying to sell.

Do I want to lash out at him?
Do I want to talk about Hikari?
Do I want to reminisce about me and Yuu?
Do I want to interrogate him about Hikari and Yuu?

Besides, Yuu hasn’t done anything wrong.
I know that better than anyone.

He’s kind, sort of cute, a little too easy to sway…
But that time, I was the one who nudged him in that direction.

So I can’t. I can’t go any further than this.
I can’t tie him down.

Not to this place.
Not to me.

She internalizes that Yuu hasn't done anything wrong but just previously she was talking about how what she's feeling and what she's saying are out of sync. While she hasn't said anything about that topic yet, you could infer that if her feelings and words are out of sync then her thought that Yuu hasn't done anything wrong would imply that actually he has but she hasn't said that yet. She mentions that Yuu is a little too easy to sway, again making a reference to how she could manipulate him as she did to Haru and Yuki earlier. Finally, we get Yami mentioning she can't tie Yuu down - does she mean this truly or is this another instance of her thoughts and actions/words being opposite so what she truly wants is to keep Yuu to herself?

Yami: “Go on, Yuu.”
Yuu: “But…”
Yami: “What, you’re gonna break your promise to your girlfriend?”

Yuu hesitated for a moment, showing a trace of indecision.
But in the end, he reached the “obvious” conclusion and gave me a regretful look.

Yami thinks it's obvious that Yuu would go for Hikari and not her. I believe something is brewing up inside Yami.

Yuu: “I still think about you all the time, Yami-senpai. Of course I do.”

But—
But the moment he said that,
Just for that one moment—he had the face of a real guy.

The face Yuu had when I was head over heels for him.

Yami: “Go.”
Yuu: “…Yeah.”

That’s why I hurried Yuu along.

Because I didn’t want him to see.

To see my lingering feelings.

Yami is admitting to herself that she still loves Yuu but she's trying to get him to leave so she doesn't hurt Hikari - at least that appears to be what Yami's thinking at this moment.

Yuu: “Okay then, Yami-senpai, see you—”
Yami: “...!”

How could he—
Even though I’m in such a rush.

Yuu slowly turned to me with a smile once more.

And yet, and yet...
He turned his back to me and started walking away.

One step, two steps...
Yuu was moving away from me.
Leaving me forever.

Yuu's doing what Yami asked but she's pissed off that he would "dare" to say "see you" when she's trying to cut him out of her life completely to make things easier for Hikari. She's also mad that Yuu's walking away. I mentioned earlier that Yami thought Yuu always lets go at the most important moments and here he is doing it again. It's at this moment that Yami starts to unravel.

Yami: “...What, are you trying to turn this into a memory or something, Yuu?”
Yuu: “Huh...?”

What the hell am I saying?
I’m the one who told him to leave.
I’m the one who said, make it a memory.

Yami: “You ignored me for an entire year... And now what? You want to part ways cleanly, like it’s some beautiful, bittersweet goodbye?”
Yuu: “Yami... senpai?”

What am I doing... What am I doing...
This is such a messed up grudge I’m throwing at him.

Yami: “You could’ve found me, Yuu... You knew I was going to the same school as Hikari, didn’t you?”

This is completely my fault—only mine.

Yami: “Even if I blocked your calls, it wouldn’t have been hard to find me.”

No doubt about it. I’m the one who was in the wrong. I’m the one being ugly.

Yami: “And yet... and yet... You never even tried to find me...!”

Anyone listening would think this was absurd, totally irrational.

Yami: “I’ve been going to school since last September, you know?”

Of course he wouldn’t have known that.
He wasn’t responsible for any of it.

Yami: “If you’d skipped school just once... If you’d waited in front of the station in the morning... If you’d found me and called out to me...”

That kind of thing—There’s no way you could’ve done it. It’s not realistic.

Yami: “And even if you had, I would’ve run away for sure. Even if you caught me, I would’ve pushed you away.”

In fact, if you had done all that, it’d be stalker behavior. Anyone would be creeped out.

Yami: “But still—if you had kept trying, if you had chased me down again and again—!”

But I’m not normal.
There’s something wrong with me.
That’s what I wanted you to do.
And I hated that you didn’t.

Yami: “If you had, then in the very end, I would’ve dropped everything, let go of it all, and run straight into your arms!”
Yuu: “...!”

My raised hand struck Yuu’s cheek with a dry smack.
He had come back—
Even though he had walked away, he was now right in front of me again.
Because he’d returned to be blamed, to be yelled at.

Yuu: “Yami-senpai, I—”
Yami: “Shut up! Don’t act like you know anything, Yuu!”

Yami admits that what she's saying is irrational but she mentioned earlier that Yuu is a little too easy to sway. Right at the end she mentions that even though Yuu had walked away, now he was right in front of her again. Even though Yami admits she's hitting him with a messed up grudge it still allowed her to get him to come back instead of immediately going to Hikari.

Ugh... That’s why I was hiding.
Ever since he came to our school—into my classroom—I kept sneaking out.
So why, why... did I come back?
Why did you find me again, Yuu...?

Why did she go back? I think part of her deep down felt there was a chance she'd run into Yuu if she went to the classroom and since self-destruction is part of Yami's kit she went that route.

Yami: “Come to think of it, you didn’t say it last year... did you?”

Yuu is crying.
I'm crying too.

Yami: “Goodbye, Yuu.”
Yuu: “There’s a limit to how cowardly you can be, you know...!”

But Hikari... wouldn’t understand.
She was hiding behind the door, and couldn’t see our faces.

Here we get some damning information. Yami, being the one to ghost Yuu, knowingly points out that Yuu didn't say goodbye last year. She knew he still had some feelings for her but didn't give him the chance for closure. Yuu rightfully points out how cowardly that was of her.

Then we get the bombshell that Yami knew Hikari was watching and decided to kiss Yuu.

All that being said, given that Yami knew or at least strongly suspected that Hikari was going to confess to Yuu and theorized that the confession would end well - I would stipulate that Yami kissing Yuu while knowing that Hikari was watching was not only an action taken to sabotage Hikari in her confession to Yuu but also an action taken to sabotage Yuu in his acceptance of Hikari's confession. I believe Yami was hoping that Hikari would not confess after seeing the kiss and that if she did go through with it, Yuu would potentially say no as his kiss with Yami might have reawakened his feelings for her.

 

[HellJester]

Not to hide, just to stay alone. In a place where she just had her own heartbreak, even though it was mostly self-imposed.

For this to even happen, she first needs to foresee Yuu going for the dance and confessing.

There are people on the streets and likely her mother at home.
Maybe I am just not being clear. When I say "stay alone", I mean completely alone, without seeing other people and without other people seeing you.

Which is at least 30 minutes after the kiss, and all the while she was still in that classroom - apparently waiting for Hikari to go missing. The amount of foreknowledge Yami possesses seems to be through the roof.
I don't know why in almost every argument we have you insist on Yami always having some hidden agenda, when we had so much of her POV. That festival especially got so much coverage that we know what she was thinking almost minute by minute. We even have her describing how she met Hikari, where nothing even remotely suggests she was waiting there to be found.
And yet you still suggest there is some sort of hidden unspoken intention.

Well, I've already mentioned that her moving from her very safe hiding place to the classroom is at least a little suspicious even if Yami doesn't fully realized why she did it. If she truly wanted to be alone with no danger of anyone running into her it would make sense for her to go back to the staff washroom where she was previously.

I don't believe she foresaw Yuu confessing. All of her information lead to her suspecting Hikari would confess and be successful.

Like story645 said earlier, I too believe that Yami is purposefully staying in the classroom as that's the last location that both Yuu and Hikari saw her. I believe Yami hopes that one of them will come find her. I believe this is a test like others have said. Yami mentioned that she pushes people away and then hopes they read between the lines and come find her. She's hoping one of them will and that person was Hikari. You mention having Yami's POV and she mentions pushing people away and wanting to be found.

 

[peortega1]

Yami is saying this teasingly/sarcastically (and a bit honestly as at this point she's assuming Yuu is just using her for sex) and we have zero internal response from Yuu so we have zero clue as to whether or not he took that statement at face value or was emotionally savvy enough to read the subtext.

I don´t believe she assumes in this point Yuu is just using her for sex. Precisely all the breakdown of the night left clear to her Yuu literally needs romance to... work. Hikari in chapter 41 was right about Yuu in the most literal and zero-subtle way.
Also, we really got an internal response from Yuu in that chapter just after that:

"Yes, I'll always be your convenient woman."
We're both hurt people...
No, it would be rude to her to compare my pain with hers.

This imply Yuu managed to realize Yami is really in love with him in this point, but her own pain and pride is the reason why she is not fully able to recognize her feelings even to herself (she will do it a few hours later, in chapter 25.5, when she kisses a sleeping Yuu).

"So, let's exchange LINEs, Yuu..."
But we certainly felt a connection at that time, not just physically, but emotionally as well.

This is other thing of Yuu reading between lines.

Other important instances such as Yuu overhearing Yami's parents fighting in the background of a phone call and just accepting her explanation do not show us if Yuu is accepting her response at face value or is able to read between the lines and is just choosing not to say anything.

His words in chapter 28 in the hotel suggests strongly the second option:

"But I'm glad, Yami-senpai. You look like you're having fun."
"Well, yeah... I've been looking forward to this since last month."
"Yeah, about last month... I was kinda worried."
Yuu shifts his hand, fumbling a bit, and intertwines his fingers with mine.
"You know... back then, it felt like you were pushing me away. Like you were cornered or something."
"Eh? Really? Maybe you just missed me too much because we couldn't meet?"
"I'm serious... I thought something happened with your family."
The sensation of our hands entwined is a mix of ticklish, soothing, joyful... and bittersweet.
"Ah, don't worry, everything's fine now. Really."
"Are you sure? Don't lie to me, okay?"
"I've never lied to you, Yuu."
"Liar."
"Okay, fair..."

 

[peortega1]

Also, Hikari definitely would laugh a lot if she would learn this... romantic side of "Aya-chan":

Geez... don't say stuff like that while we're holding hands like this.
You'll make me want to ruin the mood and jump you all over again.
Even when everything's perfect, I just want us to melt into each other...

And yes, holding hands as sexual trigger is other thing shared with Shikimori-san (as you can see in chapters 23 and 144 of that manga series)
The sex scene of Kazusa and Haruki in White Album 2 has a lot of scenes of they holding handing during the coitus too

 

[GennArc]

First of all, thank you for approaching this so thoroughly. Even though we disagree, I really enjoy discussions like this instead of simple shitflinging. It must be a bother to read for other people, but I don't really care.

From his text above, you can see that he was taking what she said at face value as he says "Yami-senpai had always been into it." I believe it's reasonable to infer from this that Yuu was not reading between the lines when Yami said things to him.

I don't understand how you come to this conclusion. She was into it as in she was genuinely enjoying their relationship, how does that result it "he was taking what she said at face value"? He even told her

"I've never lied to you, Yuu."
"Liar."
"Okay, fair..."

because he understands she is not always telling him the whole truth. So no, he doesn't take everything she says at face value.

Her further actions were to bring up all the ways she felt Yuu failed her by not chasing after her and then slapping him and finally kissing him leaving him in a bewildered state. We have no Yuu POV for this so we cannot ascertain 100% if Yuu took everything Yami said in Chapter 40 as the truth or was able to read between the lines and determine that she was lying.

He is not an idiot. First she says "I got bored of you", but then she gets very emotional about the break up, says she would've jumped into his embrace and finally kisses him. Obviously this is not something done by a person who simply got bored, and them both crying at the end clearly means he realized it.

Finally, she reflects on why she didn't skip even though she realized Yuu was going to be there. I believe this last part is the start of Yami calculating - what, exactly she's calculating I'm not fully sure of yet but it's obvious that some part of her wanted to be at the festival even though she knew Yuu was going to be there.

I feel like there is some overcomplication in your thoughts. This is the first instance of it.
I think her internal conflict is clear as day. She knows Hikari is into Yuu, but she is still in love with him and it's only natural she can't resist the urge to see him. There's no "calculation", it's simply an internal struggle of reason and feelings.

I added the part where she lies to her friends and even calls herself on it to showcase that Yami is still capable of manipulating those around her.

How is that manipulating? Of course she wouldn't tell them that she is Ta-kun's former lover so she's hiding to avoid meeting him.

She admits that the reason she's in the classroom is to make up for skipping her shift and to be alone. However, it's not necessary for her to cleanup now as that will be done the next day and if she truly wanted to be alone she could have stayed in the staff restroom. Yami might be telling herself one thing but it can be inferred that she means to be in that classroom for another purpose as her reasonings are not very sound.

We're treading on thin ice here. Once you start questioning whether internal thoughts are true or false, there'll soon be no common ground to discuss this. Someone will declare lies everything that doesn't fit their narrative.
But I also think her reasoning is completely sound. Like, restroom is not the most comfortable place to spend time at, and she does feel a bit sorry for skipping on her duties.

TBC

 

[GennArc]

So Yami admits to herself that she still has feelings for Yuu and wants to run into his arms.

You're saying this like it's some sort of revelation. But we already knew since long ago, 13.5 has her lamenting the fate that it just had to be Yuu who Hikari fell in love with.

So, she's angry that the first thing Yuu does is mention Hikari.

That's only natural, they haven't seen each other for a year and it's an absolutely dramatic and thrilling moment for her, yet his first words are about Hikari not being there. She is frustrated by the discrepancy between her own emotions and his attitude.

She gets mad again when the topic of Hikari comes up.

Where? She brings her up herself.

She gets mad when Yuu doesn't want to talk about Hikari. She's getting mad at the thought that she thinks Yuu expects her to root for him and Hikari when he hasn't even said anything about that. She's making up reasons in her head to get angry when just one chapter ago she was telling herself that Hikari was going to confess to Yuu and it would turn out well. Seems to me like she's not buying what she's trying to sell.

Basically see above. It's a mix of him not reading between the lines (hence "Do you seriously think I don’t care anymore?") and his attitude. She is making up reasons a little, but it's not because she wants to get angry, but because of the overall frustration that he just kept accepting her lies and replying accordingly, as if she actually was just a girl who simply got bored of him and asked about Hikari just for fun.

She internalizes that Yuu hasn't done anything wrong but just previously she was talking about how what she's feeling and what she's saying are out of sync. While she hasn't said anything about that topic yet, you could infer that if her feelings and words are out of sync then her thought that Yuu hasn't done anything wrong would imply that actually he has but she hasn't said that yet.

I am completely missing the logic here. If what she's thinking and what she's saying are out of sync, why is your conclusion that her thoughts must be false? I can follow up on further points when you say her thoughts might not be real, but first explain the logic please.

Yuu's doing what Yami asked but she's pissed off that he would "dare" to say "see you" when she's trying to cut him out of her life completely to make things easier for Hikari. She's also mad that Yuu's walking away. I mentioned earlier that Yami thought Yuu always lets go at the most important moments and here he is doing it again.

Again, see above. He's accepted every convenient lie she told him (which were all actually hurtful for her) without ever challenging them, but he still said and showed he cared about her. That's why she calls it a beautiful memory later, she is still dear to him but challenging her lies means complications, so it's easier to leave it just as a memory. All the while she is there, trembling with excitement of seeing her beloved one for the first time in a while.

Right at the end she mentions that even though Yuu had walked away, now he was right in front of her again. Even though Yami admits she's hitting him with a messed up grudge it still allowed her to get him to come back instead of immediately going to Hikari.

Are you actually implying this is a manipulation? I mean, she is having an emotional outburst, pouring out her feelings on him all the while questioning her own words, and you think this is all intentional just to prevent him from going to Hikari? This is just too Hikari-centric if you ask me. Like, she is laying her feelings bare before the boy she loves, and you think there is actually some friend on her mind at that moment? Just ridiculous.

Why did she go back? I think part of her deep down felt there was a chance she'd run into Yuu if she went to the classroom and since self-destruction is part of Yami's kit she went that route.

Again, what self-destruction? There's naturally a part of her who wants to see him because she is still in love. Not for some dubious purpose like self-destruction, she wants to see the boy she loves, simple as.

Here we get some damning information. Yami, being the one to ghost Yuu, knowingly points out that Yuu didn't say goodbye last year.

I believe this is a mistranslation.
She goes

「そういえば、一年前は言ってなかったよね……」
-snip-
「さよなら、夕」

There is no subject in the first sentence, but in such cases the speaker is usually the subject, at least without context from previous sentences. So basically she is saying she didn't say goodbye last year. And then continues with the actual farewell. It's not about Yuu not saying goodbye, it's about herself.
And his remark about being cowardly is left ambiguous. It could very well be about all the unfair words she said to him, but my bet is that he refers to saying goodbye immediately after having her outburst and kissing him, that she's now doing more or less what he intended to do before - leave without further heart-to-heart, but after causing the damage already.

I would stipulate that Yami kissing Yuu while knowing that Hikari was watching was not only an action taken to sabotage Hikari in her confession to Yuu but also an action taken to sabotage Yuu in his acceptance of Hikari's confession

Or it could be just a girl kissing the boy she loves in the heat of the moment.

 

[HellJester]

Ugg this gets painful when I've typed so much and I'm having to go back and forth and look at what I wrote and what you responded to lol. It's a hell of my own making.

To understand a lot of where I'm coming from, I'll make the following points:

1) I'm getting all of my information solely from the novelization and not the manga as the novelization gives us more information.
2) I base a lot of my opinions on the internal thoughts of the characters.
3) Based on #2, my opinions on Yuu are more speculation than the others as we have a dearth of information regarding Yuu's internal thoughts.
4) The reason I value internal thoughts over dialogue is that, for the most part, the internal thoughts are the absolute truth of what the character is thinking/feeling. At least for Yuu and Hikari, what they think is usually what you get when they speak verbally. Yami is more complicated as there are times when she contradicts herself in her thoughts and her verbalizations are the opposite of what she's thinking.

Also, going to split this up as I yap too much.

I don't understand how you come to this conclusion. She was into it as in she was genuinely enjoying their relationship, how does that result it "he was taking what she said at face value"? He even told her

because he understands she is not always telling him the whole truth. So no, he doesn't take everything she says at face value.

Regarding Yuu taking Yami's words at face value. Others have pointed out things Yuu has said to either agree or disagree with that statement. I hold more value on what Yuu has thought and based on the POVs there's little to no indication that Yuu was reading between the lines. Without seeing his internal thoughts on the matter I cannot definitely state the outcome one way or another. I, instead, rely on other factors such as the very important internalization of Yami: "Pick up on the nuance, for once." Her statement here, specifically the usage of once, implies that Yuu has never picked up on the nuance or at the very least has given no outward indication to Yami that he has. I can admit that her statement here does open up the argument that Yuu is internally picking up on the nuance and deciding to not show it outwardly but without actual internal quotes from him I don't want to automatically assume this is the case. It's just another instance of me hating the fact that when Maruto finally shows us a bit of Yuu's thoughts he skips showing us the most important parts.

All this to say that it's hard for me to analyze Yuu as we're not getting his thoughts along with what he's saying. It's so much easier with Hikari and somewhat easier with Yami as they'll say something and then almost immediately have a thought about what they just said.

He is not an idiot. First she says "I got bored of you", but then she gets very emotional about the break up, says she would've jumped into his embrace and finally kisses him. Obviously this is not something done by a person who simply got bored, and them both crying at the end clearly means he realized it.

He can realize that what Yami is saying is a lie (as you quoted above in an earlier instance where he called her out for lying) and still be hurt that she said the lie. Just because he realizes it's a lie doesn't make it ok that Yami is saying hurtful things to him. That was pretty much my argument about the interaction with Yuu and Yami in Chapter 40. He was approaching her with concern and she pretty much decided to lay into him.

Regardless of whether we agree or disagree as to whether Yuu takes Yami's words at face value or understands the subtext or a combination of both - I think we can agree that Yami is at the very least being unfair to Yuu. I might have exaggerated in my first post where I said the things Yami said to Yuu were heinous and we might disagree on the severity of what Yami said but I'm hoping you can meet me a bit halfway and agree that Yami's words hurt Yuu even if he knew they weren't true.

I feel like there is some overcomplication in your thoughts. This is the first instance of it.
I think her internal conflict is clear as day. She knows Hikari is into Yuu, but she is still in love with him and it's only natural she can't resist the urge to see him. There's no "calculation", it's simply an internal struggle of reason and feelings.

Calculating might have been a poor choice in words as it implies conscious thoughts. It would be better to say that Yami was subconsciously wanting to put herself in a position to run into Yuu. I think we agree on that.

How is that manipulating? Of course she wouldn't tell them that she is Ta-kun's former lover so she's hiding to avoid meeting him.

The reason I bring up instances of Yami manipulating Haru and Yuki is because of a discussion you were having with story645 where y'all were talking about whether or not Yami was calculating and you were arguing that Yami wasn't being calculating/manipulative.

As to how it's manipulating, Yami has put herself into a position where she feels she needs to lie to her friends. She could have avoided all of this by not going to the festival. Instead, she's hiding out, shirking duties that she said she would do and making things harder on her classmates and friends. Yami admits she's channeling her "bad girl me" from a year ago to do this. She knows what she's doing is wrong and is using her past self as an excuse as to why it's ok. She further mentions it's something small so it should be fine. "It's a little trick for keeping friendships running smoothly." It's disconcerting to see her justify lying to them when the next thought she has is returning to the classroom "where my precious friends are waiting." I don't equate precious friends with lying to their faces even if it's about something minor. If I hold someone as precious I want to be honest with them.

I understand your statement of her not telling her friends about Ta-kun. In a perfect world she would have come clean with Hikari back in June as soon as she found out but that's a moot point. I'm not saying Yami should have told the truth in this instance, I'm saying she never should have been in this instance to begin with. I'm also saying that her justifying "small" instances of lying to her friends is a slippery slope.

We're treading on thin ice here. Once you start questioning whether internal thoughts are true or false, there'll soon be no common ground to discuss this. Someone will declare lies everything that doesn't fit their narrative.
But I also think her reasoning is completely sound. Like, restroom is not the most comfortable place to spend time at, and she does feel a bit sorry for skipping on her duties.

I question whether Yami's internal thoughts specifically are true or false because she's constantly contradicting herself. It makes it difficult to trust that what she's thinking is trustworthy when she'll think one thing and then immediately think the opposite. I think Maruto is writing her in a way that even Yami herself doesn't know at times what her motivations are. Yami makes several internal observations as to why she came to the festival and why she stayed and why she was in the classroom and she flips between justifications. I don't think it's treading on thin ice to call out that Yami is an unreliable narrator as there are times when her subconscious is going against her conscious actions.

I don't know you well enough to know if this next thing is true but it appears to me that you are fairly logical. I believe at times you tend to attribute logic to Yami's actions (like you mention Yami moved from restroom to classroom as it's more comfortable in the classroom) when Yami herself isn't using logic to determine what she's doing. I don't believe her justification for moving to the classroom was because she was tired of sitting on a toilet waiting for the festival to end. I think she used flimsy excuses (oh I need to help cleanup and I want to be alone) to justify moving to the classroom when the most likely reason is, to use your words, "she can't resist the urge to see him" and there's a good chance she might run into him if she goes to the classroom.

This flies in the face of her earlier thoughts and actions when she first saw Yuu and ran away to hide in the restroom. This is what makes her such a complicated character and I would add that this is why so many people came out and showed an interest in this manga once Chapter 21 occurred.

 

[HellJester]

Part 2 of my Ted Talk.

You're saying this like it's some sort of revelation. But we already knew since long ago, 13.5 has her lamenting the fate that it just had to be Yuu who Hikari fell in love with.

I mention it more to point out the contradictions existing in Yami. She previously went on and on about supporting Hikari's love and talking about how Hikari is going to confess to Yuu and that it will go well. I also point this out because I'm setting things up for when I talk about Yami's sabotage.

That's only natural, they haven't seen each other for a year and it's an absolutely dramatic and thrilling moment for her, yet his first words are about Hikari not being there. She is frustrated by the discrepancy between her own emotions and his attitude.

Again, I'm using this as evidence of her contradiction between wanting to support Hikari but also wanting Yuu and using it as evidence that Yami is going to consciously sabotage. She spent time in Chapter 39 talking about supporting Hikari but then instantly gets angry when Yuu mentions Hikari before even talking to her. I'm right there with you in agreeing that she's "frustrated by the discrepancy between her own emotions and his attitude." While she wants to be supportive of Hikari (or at least she thinks she wants to be), Yuu focusing on Hikari first instead of Yami is another straw being placed on the camel's back that's going to lead to Yami self destructing.

Where? She brings her up herself.

So after their initial confrontation, Yami herself brings up Hikari (after being mad at Yuu for mentioning her). Yuu shuts down this line of questioning and Yami gets mad when Yuu doesn't want to talk about Hikari. I'm bringing all this up to show the contradictions inside Yami's mind. Yami goes from pledging to support Hikari to getting mad that Yuu mentioned Hikari before her to then bringing up the topic of Hikari (which has already made her mad) and then getting mad when Yuu doesn't want to talk about Hikari.

Yuu talks about Hikari = Yami gets mad. Yuu doesn't talk about Hikari = Yami gets mad. Basically, I'm just trying to list instances where Yami appears to be all over the place in her thoughts.

I am completely missing the logic here. If what she's thinking and what she's saying are out of sync, why is your conclusion that her thoughts must be false? I can follow up on further points when you say her thoughts might not be real, but first explain the logic please.

So, I'm coming at this with the thought that Yami is an unreliable narrator. She's had several instances where she thinks A and then immediately says no I think B all while she's saying C. It becomes difficult to fully know whether A, B, C or some combination or maybe some unknown D is the truth. I believe Maruto is writing her this way on purpose.

That being said, I think Yami lies to herself in her thoughts. I think two opposite ideas about Yuu are existing in her head at the same time. On the one hand, she believes Yuu hasn't done anything wrong and it's all her fault that things turned out this way. At the same time, part of her is mad that Yuu never picked up any of her nuances, took things at face value and never fought for her when she ghosted him. She's also just pissed at the unfairness of her life - shitty step dad, mom who tried to kill herself and is now simultaneously dependent solely on Yami while also fighting with and hating/disliking her daughter, the thought that she doesn't deserve a man when she deprived her mother of hers, the fact that her best friend is in love with the guy she still loves, etc.

I think later on in Chapter 40 when she starts berating Yuu for not fighting for her - Yami is internally contradicting these statements but I believe there's truth in them and that deep down at least a part of Yami agrees with what she's saying. I think her guilt on what happened to her mother and her guilt for not telling Hikari about Yuu when she found out back in June is causing this split inside her. Yami feels like she's not deserving of love so she's trying to sacrifice herself and her love to help out Hikari but part of her is like "fuck this when do I get my happy ending?".

So, ultimately, I think Yami's internal thoughts are not the full truth but just one side of the coin.

Are you actually implying this is a manipulation? I mean, she is having an emotional outburst, pouring out her feelings on him all the while questioning her own words, and you think this is all intentional just to prevent him from going to Hikari? This is just too Hikari-centric if you ask me. Like, she is laying her feelings bare before the boy she loves, and you think there is actually some friend on her mind at that moment? Just ridiculous.

I think the entire time Yami is talking to Yuu in Chapter 40 she's fighting with two contradicting ideas in her head: 1) I need to suppress what I feel for Yuu and sacrifice my happiness so Hikari can be happy and 2) It's not fair that I don't get to be happy - I want to be happy - I want Yuu but I also don't want to lose Hikari.

She starts out by verbally saying things to drive Yuu away - how she's bored of him, how he's got a new girlfriend, how he needs to leave her and go to Hikari all while internally wondering how in the world that Yuu is taking her lies/manipulation at face value. I fully believe that at first she's manipulating Yuu to get him to leave her and go to Hikari. It goes on up until the internal monologue where Yami says:

He’s kind, sort of cute, a little too easy to sway…
But that time, I was the one who nudged him in that direction.

So I can’t. I can’t go any further than this.
I can’t tie him down.

Not to this place.
Not to me.

She's acknowledging that Yuu is easy to sway and that she's nudged him in a certain direction before. She's trying to do this again to get him to go to Hikari thereby fulfilling idea #1 mentioned above.

After that, Yuu hesitates and gives Yami a glimpse of the man she fell in love with.

Just for that one moment—he had the face of a real guy.

The face Yuu had when I was head over heels for him.

She tries to get him to hurry up and go because she doesn't want him to see her lingering feelings and then Yuu says "Okay then, Yami-senpai, see you--"

It's at this point I think idea #2 starts to take control of Yami. She starts thinking about how she's trying to get him to go and he's finally walking away and he's going to leave her forever and she can't handle it. Once again Yuu is walking away from her which is something that really bothers her. She's mentioned before that Yuu always lets go at the most important moments.

She could have stayed silent and let him walk out but instead she calls out to Yuu and says "“...What, are you trying to turn this into a memory or something, Yuu?”.

She even thinks to herself "What the hell am I saying?". She's contradicting everything she's done so far to push him towards Hikari and now it seems like she's trying to pull Yuu in. She starts talking to him, saying things she wished he did while thinking about how unfair she's being. She wants Yuu but she feels immense guilt because of Hikari so her thoughts, words and actions are all over the place.

My raised hand struck Yuu’s cheek with a dry smack.

He had come back—
Even though he had walked away, he was now right in front of me again.

Because he’d returned to be blamed, to be yelled at.

Now, instead of pushing him to go meet up with Hikari, she's talking to Yuu and getting him to engage with her again, keeping him with her. He's back in front of her. Her goal has now switched 180 degrees. With her words (whether they are lies, the truth or a combination) she has manipulated Yuu into not going to Hikari but instead coming back to her.

I believe it's at this point that Yami sees Hikari watching them through the doorway and it's at this point that Yami makes a decision to kiss Yuu. I'm not sure how to interpret this as anything other than both a self-destruction on Yami's part and an attempt to sabotage Hikari.

Yami's friendship with Hikari is very important to her yet she knowingly kisses her best friend's crush in front of her best friend. If that isn't a self-destruction I'm not sure what is.

Yami knows Hikari was planning to confess to Yuu. Seeing your best friend kiss your crush is almost certainly going to mess up your thoughts and feelings and interfere with your plan to confess. That sounds to me like sabotage and a conscious one at that.