I got to page 11 and just had to stop reading in order to comment that the idea of someone being hired into an office setting with zero computer experience is so fantastical that I'm left dumbfounded.
during my 2nd internship year, I got 2 junior interns: one capable guy and one girl with a perfect 4/4 GPA. every day I had to see the guy struggle to teach the girl how to do the most basic stuff like how to edit server config files with a text editor or how to use git. girl, you had 1 more year till graduation and you don't even know how to use notepad, did you plan to be an office coffee dispenser?
someone who majored in analytic business, already done with 3 years of university, yet didn't know how to use a fucking computer to edit text files.
she sure was cute though.