Kuzu to Megane to Bungaku Shoujo (Nise) - Vol. 2 Ch. 189 - Came in a swimsuit
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@DrWhoCares care to point them out, especially for this chapter? Improvements are always welcome.
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@Bochulaz
"She is drying off because she left her panties at home!!"
This line sounds strange because of two reasons:
1. "She is" can be contracted into "She's"
2. The sentence is a statement, which came out of nowhere. Obviously, you can't just change the raws, so you have to make the rest sound like it's a statement before the reader reaches the end of the sentence. This is harder to achieve. I would accomplish this by doing the following:
"She's just drying off because she left her panties at home!!"
"She forgot about the panty?"
This line is incredibly strange for the following reasons:
1. "forgot about the panty" makes it sound like the topic of "the panty" was forgotten about. What is "the panty?" This essentially makes no sense, even with context.
2. The use of the word "panty" is strange, because no one says that. It's like calling a "pair of scissors" a "scissor". "Panties" is a word which is always plural. Similar to "Police". contrast this to how "family" refers to a group (multiple things), but is a singular noun. "Families" is the plural. The plural of "panties" is "panties".
This line should essentially be the following:
"She forgot her panties?"
However there's still an issue with that, it sounds strange because the topic hasn't been brought up yet, as he is thinking to himself. Therefore, he can't springboard off someone else's inner-dialogue. (There are some cases where you do this on purpose, but here it sounds better to do the following):
"Did she forget her panties?"
"W-what are you talking about!"
This line should have a question mark. "W-what are you talking about?!"
"Of course I have not."
This is incredibly stiff. First, it's using the overly formal language with "I have not", which you could argue fits her whole "literature girl" thing, but I'd have to see the raws to be sure of it. Personally, this is much better if you do it as such:
"Of course I didn't."
Side note: I'm not sure what your native language is, but I know that the biggest mistake I see ESL (English Second Language) people make is not using contractions. "Of course I haven't." is still better than "Of course I have not." However, I would still recommend you to do the "didn't" line.
"I didn't put it on."
Simple change to this one, to fix the grammar mistake.
"I didn't put them on."
This is because as stated above, "panties", and "underwear" as well, are plural nouns referring to a singular object. Therefore, you don't put "it" on, you put "them" on. Although, with the previous line using "didn't." I wouldn't use the word "didn't" here again.
Instead I would opt for something which accentuates the joke.
"I never put them on."
"She is drying off because she left her panties at home!!"
This line sounds strange because of two reasons:
1. "She is" can be contracted into "She's"
2. The sentence is a statement, which came out of nowhere. Obviously, you can't just change the raws, so you have to make the rest sound like it's a statement before the reader reaches the end of the sentence. This is harder to achieve. I would accomplish this by doing the following:
"She's just drying off because she left her panties at home!!"
"She forgot about the panty?"
This line is incredibly strange for the following reasons:
1. "forgot about the panty" makes it sound like the topic of "the panty" was forgotten about. What is "the panty?" This essentially makes no sense, even with context.
2. The use of the word "panty" is strange, because no one says that. It's like calling a "pair of scissors" a "scissor". "Panties" is a word which is always plural. Similar to "Police". contrast this to how "family" refers to a group (multiple things), but is a singular noun. "Families" is the plural. The plural of "panties" is "panties".
This line should essentially be the following:
"She forgot her panties?"
However there's still an issue with that, it sounds strange because the topic hasn't been brought up yet, as he is thinking to himself. Therefore, he can't springboard off someone else's inner-dialogue. (There are some cases where you do this on purpose, but here it sounds better to do the following):
"Did she forget her panties?"
"W-what are you talking about!"
This line should have a question mark. "W-what are you talking about?!"
"Of course I have not."
This is incredibly stiff. First, it's using the overly formal language with "I have not", which you could argue fits her whole "literature girl" thing, but I'd have to see the raws to be sure of it. Personally, this is much better if you do it as such:
"Of course I didn't."
Side note: I'm not sure what your native language is, but I know that the biggest mistake I see ESL (English Second Language) people make is not using contractions. "Of course I haven't." is still better than "Of course I have not." However, I would still recommend you to do the "didn't" line.
"I didn't put it on."
Simple change to this one, to fix the grammar mistake.
"I didn't put them on."
This is because as stated above, "panties", and "underwear" as well, are plural nouns referring to a singular object. Therefore, you don't put "it" on, you put "them" on. Although, with the previous line using "didn't." I wouldn't use the word "didn't" here again.
Instead I would opt for something which accentuates the joke.
"I never put them on."
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@DrWhoCares
Well, thanks. Despite most of what you said being true, can I take the wild guess that you haven't read previous chapters?
Because the term "panty" makes sense when Koga uses it, like it was mentioned earlier when he pointed out that Haruki Murakami also uses it, just like him.
Second, Orikawa would never say "I never put it on" because she clearly does it all the time and the entire arc revolved about it.
Well, thanks. Despite most of what you said being true, can I take the wild guess that you haven't read previous chapters?
Because the term "panty" makes sense when Koga uses it, like it was mentioned earlier when he pointed out that Haruki Murakami also uses it, just like him.
Second, Orikawa would never say "I never put it on" because she clearly does it all the time and the entire arc revolved about it.
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@Bochulaz
I don't reread every chapter when a new one releases. So, yes, I vaguely remember something from ages ago about panties.
Are you saying the entire arc revolved around her not putting on panties, or about her putting on panties? The sentence here: "I never put them on." Is short for something like, "I never put them on today." Similar to how "I didn't put them on." Is short for "I didn't put them on when I came here."
I don't reread every chapter when a new one releases. So, yes, I vaguely remember something from ages ago about panties.
Are you saying the entire arc revolved around her not putting on panties, or about her putting on panties? The sentence here: "I never put them on." Is short for something like, "I never put them on today." Similar to how "I didn't put them on." Is short for "I didn't put them on when I came here."
Thanks for all the translations!
Also thanks @DrWhoCares for the fixes hehe, I do think "I never put them on" would fit well there
Also thanks @DrWhoCares for the fixes hehe, I do think "I never put them on" would fit well there
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@DrWhoCares
The whole arc is about Orikawa's panties being seen while she reads. So the sentence "I never put them on" would simply be inaccurate, and false. As everyone can smoothly argue, she just came to the pool with the swimsuit on, forgetting her panties at home. I think translating is difficult because of the eternal wondering between being accurate and being understandable. Don't just assume someone can't put down a sentence in correct English, because your minor corrections let us all just think that... I'm a ESL person too, but I find the translating enjoyable as it is.
The whole arc is about Orikawa's panties being seen while she reads. So the sentence "I never put them on" would simply be inaccurate, and false. As everyone can smoothly argue, she just came to the pool with the swimsuit on, forgetting her panties at home. I think translating is difficult because of the eternal wondering between being accurate and being understandable. Don't just assume someone can't put down a sentence in correct English, because your minor corrections let us all just think that... I'm a ESL person too, but I find the translating enjoyable as it is.
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