Mannatsu no Spica - Oneshot
- Thread starter MangaDex
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That was really really sweet. I really liked it
Dex-chan lover
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Was this really proofread? Sure, the grammar is ok, but the MTL missed a lot of context. In some places the pronouns referred to the wrong characters and some word choices are awkward. It's jarring enough that I don't need to read the raws to know something is wrong.
Aggregator gang
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Please do let me know which portions specifically you found wrong so it can be fixed, thanks
Dex-chan lover
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Sure.Please do let me know which portions specifically you found wrong so it can be fixed, thanks
p21:
"About me right now": I'm assuming this is Hoshiko speaking - this is a very awkward line
p22:
"I can't think of myself as Hoshiko": Is Manatsu talking about herself or Hoshiko?
p26:
"She doesn't understand anything": Is "she" referring to Manatsu or Hoshiko? Or can it go either way?
p42:
"You got mad at me for having a low voice.": A "low voice" means a deep voice.
"Even dancing... Despite being bad at physical activities..." "At first I couldn't catch up.": It's not obvious right away that these lines are not spoken by the same person.
p43:
"That I thought the old Hoshiko was better" "Because I never thought so!": It's also not obvious that these lines are not one continuous thought.
"About me right now": I'm assuming this is Hoshiko speaking - this is a very awkward line
p22:
"I can't think of myself as Hoshiko": Is Manatsu talking about herself or Hoshiko?
p26:
"She doesn't understand anything": Is "she" referring to Manatsu or Hoshiko? Or can it go either way?
p42:
"You got mad at me for having a low voice.": A "low voice" means a deep voice.
"Even dancing... Despite being bad at physical activities..." "At first I couldn't catch up.": It's not obvious right away that these lines are not spoken by the same person.
p43:
"That I thought the old Hoshiko was better" "Because I never thought so!": It's also not obvious that these lines are not one continuous thought.
Looking back, it wasn't as bad as my first read through, but the thing with awkward phrasing is that one bad line can throw a reader off for the entire thing. The caveat with translating Japanese is that its structure doesn't always work well in English. English speakers don't speak the same way Japanese do, so a transliteration - especially one done by machine - isn't always the best.
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