You can feel that the author is not used to writing longer chapters and stories as it's jumping from one plot element to another very abruptly, and that some characters shoehorn wall of exposition text quite akwardly.
Well, the only way to get better is to keep at it and improve so I hope he/she will work on transitions, techniques of "show don't tell", and story rythm and flow.
And that, along this story develloppement, we will see him/her improve...