I would say I liked some parts in this one better, and some parts the other, and most of it was fine either version. Either way, thank you to both, you both worked hard.
I always find it hilarious how people seem to judge translations by comparing the english structure of the translation. Most of the time the best readable ones are those written by english native speakers and those not by the ones whose first language is the original one of the manga... So in the end the second ones are often more acct. Manly true for the one man and small groups.
Nice job on the translation! I looked through and liked how the sentences were structured and that there were barely any mistranslations. Keep up the work.