Saho:あの...これはさすがに似合ってないというかそもそもなんですかこれ
Yotaro:いや鬼でしょ...さすがに似合い過ぎてる
Yotaro:福が穴という穴から雪崩込むレベル
Yotaro:ただでさえカワイイのに鬼に金棒
Yotaro:鬼は家内案件
Yotaro:もう渡る世間鬼ばっかでいい
Saho:そんなに!?
I keep it authentic and accurate. Sometimes we just don't know and don't understand what the context is, whether it's from the culture, habits, or the author's humor. That's why I always put a note quoting from the author or from my own explanation. There will be more like this in the future.
Ok, so I can sense the struggle then. This is not the clearest writing on the part of the author: It's extremely idiomatic. But that's just how it is with the language sometimes. I respect you just telling us what they say instead of trying to "fix" the dialogue.
That said, I have questions:
Why translate "Umm... this definitely doesn't look good on me. What even is this?" as "Um... this is just too much. I mean, what is
this?"
If you understood 鬼に金棒 was an idiom expressing how something's gotten more powerful, why not go with the meaning of the phrase, then explain the literal idiom later?
As I was writing this, I had a realization: Pores are holes in Japanese. I figured
was using 穴 figuratively, but it's almost definitely referring to 毛穴 (Pores). So it's something vaguely like "to the point where good fortune is gushing out of every pore in your body!"
With the whole thing being something like "It looks so great that good fortune is gushing out of every pore in your body!" Which is still kind of a weird thing to say, but it suddenly makes more sense if you speak a little Japanese.
Next up, 鬼は家内案件 seems to be his way of saying the Oni role/outfit is a fit for his wife. This is the vaguest one of all, to be honest.
And finally, a fun fact:
もう渡る世間鬼ばっかでいい (Roughly: I don't mind if the entire world are Oni) is a play on the proverb 渡る世間に鬼はない (Roughly: There aren't Oni everywhere in the world; Meaning that you shouldn't mistrust everyone). "There aren't Oni everywhere" turns into "I wouldn't mind if there were!"
All in all, I give this a B. You made some slips here and there, but god does this look annoying to do in the first place.