Ore ga Watashi ni Naru made - Ch. 74

[CuteGothLolita]

SpencerSDH asks ---

What chapter is Shouji san from?


Chapter 67, wherein Akura meets Shouji-san via a Zoom call, and finds out that Shouji-san has experienced the same malady that she went through, although Shouji-san seems to have taken a different personal and social path to address the change.

 

[Diveshkandoi154]

I guess I'm biased as a trans person but it's wild to me to see people suggesting that this isn't a trans story/is the opposite and about conforming to biology or whatever, cause like, this manga to me is the most trans feeling manga I have read, even more than manga that are explicitly about transness (like Wandering Son and To Strip The Flesh, both of which I love). But the way this manga uses its premise to explore Akira's trans feelings is, to me, second to none. Like I guess it's technically an allegory but it's really just the thing itself

I so understand what you mean, also I love how many trans queer people this manga has attracted, like generally I am prepared to be stuck in bad faith arguments but this here feels like such a safe space. Love you all

 

[akamewamey]

nooo i binged it all in one sitting after letting it marinate more for like 4 years and now i am joining the 3 monthly suffering love the character development and lots of the trans-esque thoughts really hit home

 

[Dragon5eye]

Akira's situation early on is like very rough because he has kind of an immediate transmasc dysphoria reaction which sets the expectations for his family to try support him by considering him a boy at heart, and then that expectation never gets corrected when Akira might be questioning it. This coupled with forcing them to socially conform to being a girl in public regardless is a severely messed up situation that I don't think anyone would envy.

Over time Akira finds they want to try feminine things and like looking cute, which does align with the expectations of the gender she socially presents as, but conflicts with what she thinks she should want, especially considering what her family expects of her. This culminates in the kind of trans experience that a cis person might not consider as trans: someone presents as the gender they want to, but feel immense guilt and shame from doing so. This is actually an extremely trans experience because of the gendered expectations society impresses into people, that still subconsciously remain even when it conflicts with presenting the way the want.

What could also trip people up is Akira's internal use of pronouns still seem to be "ore", translated as "I(M)". I think that's a p interesting habit to have kept up. Especially because, in this volume, now that she's shared her secret with her two friends, she's starting to actually use "ore" around her friends when in private. She felt comfortable enough to accidentally do it in public in ch69 and then started fumbling to correct herself. This newfound comfort around friends where she can feel like she can truly not hold back is actually bringing out a lot of her boyish interests in mannerisms. Which makes sense, on the other part of the gender spectrum she's had to socially suppress the parts of herself that could be seen as boyish. It's because of these two forces that's lead her into showing a big interest in behaviors and hobbies not being locked to any one gender.

This is sort of pointing me towards Akira's final form probably being a combination of feminine and masculine traits that she has the agency to choose. Despite the title, I think the persistence of "ore" might actually point to her eventually becoming mainly an orekko, although obviously she never has to choose just one personal pronoun.

Also, lmao, I'm like 2 weeks late to the discussion, but reading it wanted me to put all my thoughts in order.

 

[MuYu]

This is sort of pointing me towards Akira's final form probably being a combination of feminine and masculine traits that she has the agency to choose.

I do agree that'll probably be the direction it'll go in. Or rather that her breakthrough will be properly realising and processing that all the things she thinks are rigidly gendered aren't, that she's not bound by the expectations of others, and that it's okay to like what she likes.

Little points of questioning along that line have popped up throughout the series, and this chapter seemed like a big progress point for her, she didn't internalise it, monologue it to herself or anything, she said it outright. Akira before this point would have just buried her own desires, felt awkward about presenting herself in a way that defied what Shouji might have wanted or expected when they meet, but instead she's not going to be stifled by expectations - she wants to be cute, and she intends to present that, what she wants, instead of how someone else expects

I suppose that's another layer of double meaning on the title isn't it? "Until I Become Me" with the gendered pronouns has the obvious implication of 'becoming me' being when she fully accepts herself as a girl, but I it could also be interpreted as the point where she entirely stops conforming to the expectations of others and presents herself as she wants to.

 

[Nami]

Think about this, if this happened in the real world, would "we" be discussing trans things or would we be freaking out that "the supernatural exist"?

People in real life find reasons to persecute, maim, and murder one another for differences that are far less pronounced than the one the main character of this manga deals with. Why would this be any different?

 

[TheWisestofWolfies]

Isn't the angle kinda... "anti-trans"?
Because Akira DIDN'T/DON'T want to be a woman.
The female body was FORCED on him.
The greatest conflict is, "shouganai", "can't be helped", "just accept it and abandon who you was and wanted to be". Akira is mostly trying to become a woman to please others. The thing about liking "girlish things" and "cute things" blurs things a big because like it already showed with that other boy there's nothing wrong with a man liking cute things.

I still don't know what is the point of this story, and this new character makes things interesting. He is in the same position as Akira but refuses to bend to the others and remains "true" to himself.
How will this character affect Akira?

This is just a fundamentally incorrect reading of the story. No one forced or coerced Akira in being a girl. In fact everyone supporting her was trying to push her in the direction of continuing to be a boy. Having her cut her hair short, recommending a special school to work through her confusion and potential dysphoria. Offering hormone blockers and HRT to transition back into being a boy. I could go on. Akira chose to be a girl herself because she found it comfortable. She decided for herself she wanted her hair long. She understood for herself she liked wearing girly clothes, and as we see in this chapter when directly confronted with someone transitioning back to male, she chooses to be more feminine.
To read this any other way. To somehow even remotely believe she's been groomed into this position, is the most transphobic position you could take on this story. If you came here expecting a typical genderswap story that fetishizes the fantasy or resolves with the MC returning to normal being all like "well that sucked", you're going to be disappointed. This story is specifically and explicitly about the transgender experience using the genderbend trope as a vehicle for that. If you don't like it, fuck off. This also goes for the damned coward who posted in the supporter comments on the main site.

 

[Panino]

This is just a fundamentally incorrect reading of the story. No one forced or coerced Akira in being a girl. In fact everyone supporting her was trying to push her in the direction of continuing to be a boy. Having her cut her hair short, recommending a special school to work through her confusion and potential dysphoria. Offering hormone blockers and HRT to transition back into being a boy. I could go on. Akira chose to be a girl herself because she found it comfortable. She decided for herself she wanted her hair long. She understood for herself she liked wearing girly clothes, and as we see in this chapter when directly confronted with someone transitioning back to male, she chooses to be more feminine.
To read this any other way. To somehow even remotely believe she's been groomed into this position, is the most transphobic position you could take on this story. If you came here expecting a typical genderswap story that fetishizes the fantasy or resolves with the MC returning to normal being all like "well that sucked", you're going to be disappointed. This story is specifically and explicitly about the transgender experience using the genderbend trope as a vehicle for that. If you don't like it, fuck off. This also goes for the damned coward who posted in the supporter comments on the main site.

Details from the first half are very fuzzy in my mind by now, even more having read parts of it with subpart translation.
But anyway, different people, different opinion.
I can understand a "trans-mind" identifying easily with everything and viewing everything that happens in the story as making sense. But my "non-trans" mind struggles sometimes 🤷‍♂️ (partly reason why I read these types of stories).

 

[TheWisestofWolfies]

Details from the first half are very fuzzy in my mind by now, even more having read parts of it with subpart translation.
But anyway, different people, different opinion.
I can understand a "trans-mind" identifying easily with everything and viewing everything that happens in the story as making sense. But my "non-trans" mind struggles sometimes 🤷‍♂️ (partly reason why I read these types of stories).

It actually genuinely makes me happy you were able to recognize this.

 

[Geologic1432]

This is just a fundamentally incorrect reading of the story. No one forced or coerced Akira in being a girl. In fact everyone supporting her was trying to push her in the direction of continuing to be a boy. Having her cut her hair short, recommending a special school to work through her confusion and potential dysphoria. Offering hormone blockers and HRT to transition back into being a boy. I could go on. Akira chose to be a girl herself because she found it comfortable. She decided for herself she wanted her hair long. She understood for herself she liked wearing girly clothes, and as we see in this chapter when directly confronted with someone transitioning back to male, she chooses to be more feminine.
To read this any other way. To somehow even remotely believe she's been groomed into this position, is the most transphobic position you could take on this story. If you came here expecting a typical genderswap story that fetishizes the fantasy or resolves with the MC returning to normal being all like "well that sucked", you're going to be disappointed. This story is specifically and explicitly about the transgender experience using the genderbend trope as a vehicle for that. If you don't like it, fuck off. This also goes for the damned coward who posted in the supporter comments on the main site.

Most adults gave akira a choice and the mom occassionally went "youd like the boys thing more right".
On the other hand rumi was constantly present moving akira towards girly stuff, she even said so herself.
The real fundamental misread is to ignore rumi's entire purpose in the story.

In that sense there really werent many "choices" to begin with.
Akira fell out of the friend group and got assaulted, dad left, mom got depressed, moved to a new area.
Thats non stop trauma layering on top another and then comes rumi as the only safe haven.
The back then very much boy akira literally put on dresses just so rumi would stick with him, of course he wouldnt choose the gender-neutral school as that would mean losing rumi, that was never an option.
The only way forward akira had for most of this story was clinging to rumi, who up to recently was treating akira as a little sister dress up doll.
Of course none of this was ever malicious, but now that they are actually getting to talking the real choices are yet to come.

Whether any of this ended up as a positive or negative influence comes down to if akira finds peace in the end, thats all that matters anyhow.