I see why he’d want to separate himself from the past (talking about that “if” in previous chapter) because while he crossdresses he clearly identifies as a man and let’s be honest how Akira been treating him is not as most of the times and with this flashback and the way things been since he confessed and with ogo (tall guy with glasses? I have terrible memory to names) around it’s clear why being around akira could be painful for him
Also he’s way more selfless than akira, just throwing it out there because characters in manga usually talk about akira as selfless