I feel like I'm having a stroke when reading. I'm surprised others are able to understand...
I feel like the subject is omitted a lot? I'm not sure if Korean works differently, but there are far too many "it"s to refer to various actions and objects that it is hard to keep track. For translation, please insert the subject. "preventing it", "doing it", "take it"; preventing/doing/taking what? The subject/action is not clear from context. It needs to be established directly before or directly after you use "it" in a sentence.
For instance, "Hyunsoo's academy is right in front of it and she's going to stop by, is that ok?" is very confusing to read, as it is not immediately clear what "it" is referring to. In front of what? Only after reading the whole chapter was I finally able to discern that "it" refers to the restaurant(I think). Some options which would make the phrasing more natural:
1. "Hyunsoo's academy is right in front of [the restaurant] and she's going to stop by, is that ok?" -Direct replacement. The best and most accurate option.
2. " [ I really like this restaurant. ] Hyunsoo's academy is right in front of it[, so] she's going to stop by, is that ok?" - Here, the topic is introduced in the previous sentence. It is now safe to use "it".
3."Hyunsoo's academy is right in front of it and she's going to stop by, is that ok? [The restaurant, I mean.]" -Here the topic is introduced after the fact. This is awkward and doesn't really fit this context.
Apologies if this is a bit excessive. Thank you for the translation.